Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

  Hey, Butt-head, do you think a man will ever land on Uranus?

Butt-head

  Maybe on your anus.

Beavis

  What are we supposed to do, again?

Butt-head

  Uh…I forgot.  Huh-huh, huh-huh.  Oh, yeah, I think we're supposed to, like, cut off the branches.

Beavis

  All of them?

Butt-head

  Yeah, I guess.

Beavis

  Cool!

Butt-head

  Hey, if we gotta cut off all the branches, let's just cut it right down here.  [points at the tree trunk]

Beavis

  Yeah.  Then we get 'em all at once.  You're pretty smart, Butt-head.

Butt-head

  Yeah.  Maybe he'll pay us extra.

Beavis

  Yeah, that would be cool.

Butt-head

  [uses chainsaw to cut down the tree, which falls on the house, the impact of which sends Tom Anderson to the ground; the tree pulls down telephone poles which smash into various cars and Tom Anderson's fence]  Whoa!  That was cool!  Huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh.

Beavis

  Yeah.  This chainsaw kicks ass!  Pruning is cool!

Butt-head

  Yeah!  Let's go prune some power lines!

Beavis

Yes! Order it, dude!

Butt-Head

We can't. Huh huh. They locked us out after Steven Seagal Month.

Beavis

That sucks!

Mr. Stevenson

This is bad, boys, for a number of reasons. First is the trust factor. Stewart, we trusted you to stay home unsupervised. Now you violated that trust, didn't you?

Mr. Stevenson

Now you two, you came into my house and you blew it up. Luckily, I've got homeowner's insurance.

Butt-head

Huh huh huh. I bet you do.

STEWART'S HOUSE!!!

Today, we're going to explore the world of haiku.

Butt-head

We're gonna explore the world of getting high? Cool! Huh huh.

No, Butt-head. Not "high, cool". But, the ancient, Japanese, spare, haunting poetry called "haiku".

(on Billy Bob's scooter doing a wheelie) DONUTTTTTT!

(Catches the boys and is furious) THEY DIE!!!!!

[in unison] Diarrhea, cha cha cha! Diarrhea, cha cha cha!

Daria

Get a life.

  [in unison]  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!  Diarrhea, cha cha cha!

Daria

  Get a life.

  How old are you fellas?

Butt-head

  Fifteen.

Beavis

  Yeah, heh-heh.

Butt-head

  Uh…[in a deeper voice] uh, I mean, twenty-seven?

Guidance counselor

  Do either of you have metal plates in your skull?

Butt-head

  Uh, we're both metalheads.

  Hey, there.  Welcome to Bob's Fancy Skeet.  You boys eighteen?

Butt-head

  Uh…no.

  [coughs]  Let me start again.  Hey there, you boys eighteen?  [points to sign that reads, "MUST BE 18 OR OVER"]

Butt-head

  Uh…no.

Beavis

  You bagged a jumbo jet.

Butt-head

  Do I get to keep it?