Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

  [reads instructions on door] In case of... uhh... pull... hand-le... [strains as he pulls the emergency handle on a door at the front of the jet, then gives up] Uuuhh...! that's hard!

Beavis

  Hey Butt-Head, pull my finger. Heh-heh-m.

Butt-head

  No way, huh-huh. Pull my leg. [They both leave the area]

Beavis

Hea hea, I barfed on the dog.

Butt-Head

Huh huh, I barfed on you.

Butt-head

  Hey, Mr. Anderson, are you gonna die pretty soon?

Beavis

  Yeah, and leave all your money to someone?

Butt-head

  That would be cool.

Tom Anderson

  That's it!  Get your worthless hides off my property and don't ever come back!

Butt-head

  Uh…okay, but, uh, we got just one question.

Tom Anderson

  Get out!

Butt-head

  Uh…can we be in your will?

Beavis

  Hey, Butt-head, I still got my condominium.  What do I do with it?

  [in unison]  Saturday night!!

I can get you delayed entery, your own uniforms, grenades, and ammo. I can probilby get you station over at Fort Dix.

Butt-Head

Fort Dix? Is that anywere near fort nuts?

Has anybody in your familiy been in the service?

Butt-Head

Uh, Beavis's dad was in the navy.

Is that so?

Butt-Head

Yea he was a seman.

Butt-head

Beavis' dad was in the Navy.

Is that right?

Butt-head

Yeah. He was a seaman.

  I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades, and uniforms.  I'll get you a delayed entry, and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix.

Butt-head

  Is that anywere near Fort Nuts?

Butt-head

Uh...Hey Beavis. I got an idea.

Beavis

Yeah, me too! Let's go over to Stewart's house and burn something. [holds up a lighter]

Butt-head

No, dumbass. Let's become one of those 'stand-up chameleons' and get a bunch of money.

You suck, get off!

Butt-head

Uh, is that what she said?

Beavis

You ever wonder why so much stuff sucks? Sometimes I look at one of these little straws, and I go, 'This sucks'.

Butt-head

Huh huh, this is cool.

Beavis

One thing about gym class....it sucks. Okay, now I'm gonna like...juggle.

Butt-head

Go for it, Beavis!

Beavis

This is gonna be cool. [holds up a newspaper and lights it on fire]fire! fire!

Beavis

  Cool.  The battery's leaking acid.

Butt-head

  That's not cool, dude.  A new battery will cost two bucks at least.

Butt-head

  Whoa.  Maybe we should, uh…"dry it off" now.

Beavis

  No way.

Butt-head

  I mean dry it off by driving it.  The keys are in the car, dude.

What happened to my spectacles?

Butt-head

Uh, your testicles?