The torture variety pack is tempting. Heretic's fork, metal spanker, anal tarring brush...
JJackson
It's a barbecue set.
...but who needs two of anything?
S13Gifted Me Liberty
I'm going to fuck this fucker in the tushie! Hand me the anal-tarring brush!
Girl (upset): Oh, Steve. You're so nice, it's making me so horny for Trevor.
Steve (sympathetically): Oh, you're one of Trevor's girls. Yeah, he's been hitting it pretty hard since his divorce.
These are the same hands that choked Lisa Bonet when she beat me out of the role of Denise Huxtable on A Different World. That was a lie. The role was created for her, but I did choke her.
Stan? What are you doing here?
Roger? You sell sperm too?
Sell?
[captured by the CDC] I confess, I'm a good boy for hire!
Hey, why didn't I get infected?
C3CDC agent #3
Conquistador measles doesn't infect the sexual immature.
C2CDC agent #2
A class 5 virus going after a dweeb like you? Please.
But it can still like me as a friend, right? And one day grow into something m...more than friendship? (the CDC agents shake their heads no)
[pops up dressed as Santa after Stan discovers that he once again didn't bring a gift to the Evil Santa Gift Exchange] Get it? This bozo's right back where he started! Merry Christmas, from our family to yours. (realizes): Wait a minute, was this our Christmas episode? What month is this?
S13Next of Pin
[after seeing a news report about a teen that killed his father]
Francine (sympathetically): Bet that poor boy's father didn't spend any time with him...(callously): I hope they fry 'em.
[Stan fears for his life when he imagines Steve eviscerating him]
That's it, we're hanging out. If you're going to kill anyone in this family, it's going to be only Francine.
What?!
Don't talk back to your father.
[trying to shoot a basketball]
My peers don't call me "swishy" for nothing.
[Steve and Stan share a hug while laughing about their day]
[under her breath] Do you have to hug after every stupid thing you say?
[Roger smashes a plate and orders Francine to leave it]
[not quite under her breath] Bald-ass alien piece of shit.
[Klaus interjects himself into a conversation]
[not quite under her breath] Now here goes the fish...
[Hayley plays mind games with Roger before their contest, suggesting he drop out]
News flash bong brain, I never pull out. Boom-shaka-lacka. Now let's watch this garbage.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.