When I joined the CIA, I knew the deal. If we make a mistake, we cover it up. Like the time Dick accidentally created feline AIDS and we covered it up by blaming it on gay cats.
“Gifted Me Liberty” · Season 13
In this episode: Roger (3), Stan Smith (2), Steve Smith (2), Avery Bullock (2)
The torture variety pack is tempting. Heretic's fork, metal spanker, anal tarring brush...
JJackson
It's a barbecue set.
...but who needs two of anything?
I'm going to fuck this fucker in the tushie! Hand me the anal-tarring brush!
Girl (upset): Oh, Steve. You're so nice, it's making me so horny for Trevor.
Steve (sympathetically): Oh, you're one of Trevor's girls. Yeah, he's been hitting it pretty hard since his divorce.
These are the same hands that choked Lisa Bonet when she beat me out of the role of Denise Huxtable on A Different World. That was a lie. The role was created for her, but I did choke her.
Stan? What are you doing here?
Roger? You sell sperm too?
Sell?
[captured by the CDC] I confess, I'm a good boy for hire!
Hey, why didn't I get infected?
C3CDC agent #3
Conquistador measles doesn't infect the sexual immature.
C2CDC agent #2
A class 5 virus going after a dweeb like you? Please.
But it can still like me as a friend, right? And one day grow into something m...more than friendship? (the CDC agents shake their heads no)
[pops up dressed as Santa after Stan discovers that he once again didn't bring a gift to the Evil Santa Gift Exchange] Get it? This bozo's right back where he started! Merry Christmas, from our family to yours. (realizes): Wait a minute, was this our Christmas episode? What month is this?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.