ALF quotes from ALF

ALF

[reading a note] Don't call this number except in an emergency. I wonder if boredom constitutes an emergency. I'll call and find out.

ALF

[in the garage using the phone] Hello, Mr. Littwhack? Uh, did you know that the Ochmoneks are Splitsville? Well, I care. Quick question. Can you put Trevor up for a week? How about a night? Well, when is it scheduled to freeze over? Over 18.

ALF

I'd like to thank my guests Joyce, Joan and, of course, Pope. Johnny, sorry about your cup and your dressing room. And the limo. Did I say limo? That wasn't me, just the first two. Good night, everybody! How'd he get those whites so white?

ALF

Horn works!

ALF

Why don't we just kill this thing for the insurance money? We'll make it look like an accident!

ALF

If Lynn starts humming the "Battle Hymn of the Republic," I'm pulling the plug on this production!

ALF

Hey, I wonder if Horrowitz is going to fight back against the man who gave him that suit!

ALF

Either he's Elvis or Priscilla had a heck of a lawn sale.

ALF

[at the nursery] So, this is where they're gonna stash the bad seed. I may throw up. Which could only help this wallpaper. [picks up a rattle and shakes it] Oh, great. The incredible expanding woman is home.

ALF

[after getting the call from the blackmailer and trying to calm down] Don't panic Willie will help you. He always helps you. [looks at mess] I'm dogfood!

ALF

[slowly enters kitchen] The Great Orange hunter stalks his prey. [opens fridge] Ah, he sees it. The illusive loin of Pork the most prized catch in the refridgidary jungle. What's this? [picks a note off the food and reads it] "ALF don't eat this" Why would I eat this? [throws away the note] Ever so deftly the great orange hunter maneuvers his weapon. He strikes. [as he does this an earthquake starts] Has the hunter angered the gods? Whoa! Okay, I won't eat pork.

ALF

[last lines; meeting Eric] So anyway, the Tanners decided I could stay. And here I am. It's not a bad place to live, actually. Kate takes a little getting used to, but you probably already figured that part out. Well, Willie said he needed me to help teach you about stuff. So I thought I'd start with the most important thing, these are the channel control buttons.

ALF

[goes to the nursery as he finds Eric crying] Hey, hey, hey! What's the matter, little guy? Whoa! Sorry, Los Angeles. Phew! Alright, I might be a little rusty. First the easy part. Whoa! Number 2 with a bullet. Alright, let me just swab the deck, okay? The old swabber. [Eric laughs as ALF changes his diaper ] There you go. Yeah, yeah. Now a, a little powder under your tush. [coughs as he puts baby powder on Eric's butt] Alright, here we go. A little powder under my tush. Yeah. Okay, now, a nice, clean diapie. Try to keep it that way. You know, this isn't so bad. I know I feel better. Yeah, you're a happy guy, aren't you? Yes, okay. You amuse yourself while I bury this bomb. Clear the area. Coming through. Watch your back.

ALF

[after Willie was sent to FBI] Willie's been caught. Kate thinks I've turned him in. I'm gonna end up hung by my neck in a Chinese deli.

ALF

[when Willie came home from FBI] Willie! Oh, Willie, I knew that you were innocent. I'm so excited I could leave a spot right here on the carpet!

ALF

[as he is holding a voodoo doll of Neal] I hereby re-christen you Uncle Neal.