[goes to the attic and reads a sign ALF wrote] Nice touch.
Subtle, but it makes a point.
I can understand your feelings, ALF. I can also understand your dilemma. What I can't understand is this note.
It's in English. What don't you understand?
[reading a note that ALF wrote] "Dear Neal, take some advice from a guy who loves you like a brother. There's a camper leaving town at noon either be in it or under it. Love, Anonymous."
I love when you read to me.
You left this on the kitchen table hoping that Neal would see it and think it was from me, didn't you?
Let him draw his own conclusions. I didn't say it was from his brother. Clever, yes?
If my brother wants to visit here for a while he's welcome, ALF.
Fine. But if you were more forceful and less sympathetic to freeloaders perhaps he'd get the hint.
I'm ending this conversation now. But before I go, I'd like you to imagine what my being less sympathetic to freeloaders might mean to the fate of another member of this household.
He's right. Kate would have been history a long time ago.
[burps while having breakfast with Lynn and Brian] Yeah. You know, if you eat fast, you could eat more.
Yeah. It also adds to the ambience.
[as she sees Willie arriving at the kitchen] Good morning, dad.
Good morning, Lynn, Brian, ALF. ALF, what are you doing down here?
Finishing oatmeal with clams.
Well, go back upstairs. Neal could come in here any minute.
I don't think so. He's gone.
Gone? What do you mean gone?
Relax, I don't mean dead.
I saw his boxer shorts drive by my window.
Kate, Neal drove off in his camper early this morning.
Well, I'll just mosey on off to the television area if no one minds.
[stops ALF] Hold it. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you didn't write him another note.
I didn't write him another note. [pause] Uh, pay no attention to my ears.
I told you this was none of your concern, didn't I? [angrily] Didn't I make it perfectly clear you were to stay out of this?
Obviously not clear enough.
What exactly did this note say, ALF?
Well, I seem to recall, and I'm paraphrasing now. Amscray, wearing out your welcome. Oh, and deadbeat. Sincerely yours, William Tanner.
Well, you got mad when I signed the first one anonymous. Is there no pleasing you?
[on the phone as the episode ends] Yeah, thanks, operator. Hello, Marshall Ludwig? Oh, hi, Marshall. Uh, you don't know me but, uh, I'm about to make you a very happy man.
