[ALF is dreaming in Melmac with his friends]
SSkipper
Hey, hey, hey! Stella! So happy birthday, Gordo.
RRick
Hey Gordon. You got a date later?
SRSkipper and Rick
He's got a date!
SStella
Alright, who gets the chili cat?
SSkipper
Hey, over here, cutie.
SStella
Phelonion fries, no gravy.
RRhonda
Whisker omelet, tail on the side.
SStella
Happy birthday, big boy!
SSkipper
I think she likes you, big boy!
RRick
She's got legs like a like a Lunar Lander.
SSkipper
She is no Rhonda.
RRick
Come on! Who are you kidding? That's who you got a date with.
Alright, I got a date with Rhonda. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?
[after ALF's dream ends, Willie wakes up ALF]
ALF! ALF, wake up! Wake up! [ALF screams as he wakes him up]
Well, you were.. You were talking in your sleep. You were shouting, you were singing!
I don't know, it was something about The Beach Boys.
No, it was that one with Rhonda in the title.
I don't think so, Willie.
Everything. I wanna go home.
[wakes up and discovers he's on Gilligan's Island] I must have slept through the night. Hey, where's my shovel? Where's my house?
Skipper, Skipper, can I fish too?
It's Gilligan, the Skipper, too.
SSkipper
Shhhh! Gilligan, you scare the fish. Owww!
Shhhh! You scare the fish.
I'm here on Gilligan's isle!
Gilligan's Island. I'm in rerun heaven.
SSkipper
[hat flies off] Gilligan!
Skipper, what happened to your hat?
SSkipper
You're using it for bait.
[ALF gasps]
I'll get it back to you, Skipper, don't worry. [puts on Skipper's hat for him and water comes out]
SSkipper
Gilligan! You idiot!
[laughs] You guys are hilarious. Encore, encore, ya!
I'm ALF, your biggest fan. I worship the sand you walk on. [walks off]
SSkipper
Where did you come from?
Melmac, is that anywhere near Bora Bora?
Ha! You guys never stop. Hey, where are the others?
SSkipper
Hey, wait a minute. How do you know about all of us?
Hey, wait a minute. How do you know about all of us?
SSkipper
I just said that, Gilligan.
I thought it sounded familiar. [hat thump]
[laughs] Oh I never get tired of that. [laughs]
[arrives] Gilligan! Skipper! Oh, lunch is ready. I see we have another visitor.
It's Mary Ann. And lunch. 2 of my favorite things.
Mary Ann this is ALF. He's from Melmac.
How come everybody can get to this island and none of us can ever get off?
Really? I must have overlooked the pattern. [gets hit by Skipper's hat]
[ALF laughs]
SSkipper
Let's eat. Come on, ALF!
Lunch with the castaways! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
[ALF is having a hangout with the Castaways]
Mary Ann, did you make one of your famous coconut cream pies?
No. They won't let me make them anymore.
You see I noticed our blood sugar levels were getting dangerously high. Plus the fact we were sick to death of them.
Anyway, today we're having mangoes.
We're sick of mangoes too.
Well I like mangoes. I'm just sick of making dental floss for you people.
I get the feeling you people aren't happy.
We're not. We're bored. Do you know we've been doing the same thing day in and day out for 23 years?
Yeah. How would you like to listen to the Skipper's boring old navy stories over and over and over?
SSkipper
I thought you liked my navy stories. I was a good sailor.
Oh we're all familiar with your nautical record, Skipper. You're ah, o and one, I believe.
SSkipper
You see. You have one little shipwreck and they never let you forget it!
Well you guys should be grateful. You're here on Gilligan's Island.
SSkipper
Are you kidding? Why, we'd be out of here in a minute if smarty-pants over here could figure out a way for us to get off this rock!
Don't blame me! Every time I devise a plan, it's ruined by that hebetudinous sidekick of yours!
SSkipper
Why you can't call my little buddy addlepated.
Will you stop calling me little buddy? I'm in my 40s, for crying out loud!
Stop it! You people are supposed to be funny and friendly and, and wacky!
This is our island. You can't tell us when to be wacky.
Yeah. Who died and made you King Kamayamaya?
I know something that'll keep you from fighting, let's re-enact the time when the headhunter came to the island. I'll be the headhunter, and Gilligan can be Gilligan.
SSkipper
I've got a better idea. Let's re-enact the time that ALF came to the island to help us dig. You be ALF, and start digging.
I'm not going to dig! I refuse to dig! I won't dig! I won't! I won't, I won't, I won't!
[the castaways sent ALF digging]
You're filling in the lagoon.
Yeah we're going to build a miniature golf course.
SSkipper
And we're not going to let the Howells play on it.
Shall I go get your clubs Skipper?
SSkipper
No Gilligan. It's not ready yet. [hat thump] It'll take a couple of months.
Come on. Let the furry little guy work. It's almost time for our favorite TV show.
Oh yeah. I rigged one up using some bamboo, a couple of coconut shells and a 19 inch picture tube that washed up on the shore. I even built a VCR.
Yeah. But all our tapes are beta. [she waves goodbye to ALF]
Hey Gilligan, digging's really fun. You want to do some?
Even Gilligan won't fall for it.
[offscreen; hat thump] What was that for?
SSkipper
[offscreen] I just felt like it. Nyah ha ha.
I wonder if the Howells need a 4th for golf.
[as the Professor sets up the TV, the castaways get ready to watch their favorite TV show]
Sit down Professor, we can't see.
I'm adjusting the vertical hold.
Vertical hold? Looks like a coconut to me.
Give me the hat, Skipper.
TATV Announcer
And now it's time for The Adventures of the Tanner Family.
TATV Announcer
Starting Willie Tanner as Dad, Kate Tanner as Mom, Lynn Tanner as their daughter, and Brian Tanner as himself. This week's episode "Brian Takes a Bath".
Oh boy, this is my favorite.
SSkipper
I never had a bath for 23 years.
[on TV] That meatloaf was delicious, mom.
[on TV] Well, I hope you have room for some apple pie.
Apple pie. I haven't had that in 23 years.
SSkipper
That meatloaf sounds so delicious too.
I'd like to have something to eat that didn't fall out of a tree.
[on TV] Can I have some water, Dad?
[on TV] You can have lots of water, son. You're taking a bath.
SSkipper
How does Willie come up with that stuff?
The great ones make it look so easy.
Why was that funny? These are the most entertaining people in the world and you ask why was it funny.
Besides, they can do things we only dream of. They eat balanced meals.
They change their clothes.
They don't hit each other with hats.
Actually, they are pretty entertaining. Can I watch a little?
SSkipper
Don't you have some dirt to shovel?
I can shovel dirt back home.
You're a castaway now, fuzzy buddy.
I don't want to be a castaway. I thought this place would be fun. Now I realize, it's only fun in half hour chunks.
[on TV] But you wanted to be on Gilligan's Island. That's where the fun never stops. Remember? Remember? Remember?
I was wrong. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. [his dreams ends as he begins to wake up while Willie walks up to him] Wanna go home. Wanna go home. Wanna go home. Wanna go home. Wanna go home. Wanna go home.
Oh, Willie! You came all the way out here to rescue me!
It wasn't really all that far, ALF. I was just in the kitchen.
Ooh. Well listen, I was wrong. Adventure isn't on some unchartered desert isle. It's right here in your own backyard. What's left of it?
That's good to hear, ALF. I'll see you later.
Well, don't I get to come with you? What about all that mindless treacle I just oozed?
As treacle goes, it's pretty sweet. Too bad it didn't fill up the hole. Get to work.
ALF · 397 quotes
