Quinn Pensky quotes from Zoey 101

Zoey

What is that?

Quinn

Why is our dorm adviser rolling on the ground?

Lola

Coco! Are you okay?

Coco

Do I look okay? I'm a woman on the concrete.

Zoey

Did Carl break up with you again? (Coco continues sobbing and screaming)

Lola

I think Carl broke up with her again.

Quinn

Come on, let's get her up. (Zoey, Lola, and Quinn try to pick up Coco)

Coco

No, no! Just leave me here to die. (Zoey and Quinn pick her up and drag her away) My cell phone! (Lola gets the cell phone)

Coco

I can't believe he dumped me over the phone!

Zoey

But he always dumps you over the phone.

Lola

Yeah, like every three weeks!

Coco

Oh, God! What is that?

Quinn

We're really sorry.

Zoey

But we gotta go start our homework.

Coco

I just don't understand guys. First, they tell you that they love you. Then, they tell you that you're too clingy and needy and, man, I'm hungry. I mean, I know I can be moody and bloated and judgmental and I may not bathe as much as other girls, but I'm fun to be with, right? RIGHT?! (Coco keeps sobbing.) Oh, man, there's a hair on my honeydew. (picks up honeydew, removes hair, and puts honeydew in her mouth. Zoey drops her food that she was about to eat in disgust)

Chase

I have to say it, I'm a little bit embarrassed for you.

Michael

This is a sports related injury! That makes me cool!

Chase

Dude, tripping over a basketball on the way to the bathroom is not cool... (sees Quinn and Lola) Oh, hey, Quinn and Lola. What's up females?

Quinn

Oh, hey!

Chase

What have you guys been doing?

Lola

I've been watching Quinn research rats for the past three hours

Quinn

Yeah, well, you'll change your tone when I catch that rat and lock him away forever.

Michael

Uh, what rat?

Lola

You know, most girls' biggest problems with their roommate is they borrow their clothes without asking. I've got one who loses rats, shoots me in the head with plasma bolts, and fills my room with homemade nerve gas.

Quinn

...Thanks...

Lola

Which, apparently, doesn't work too well.

Quinn

Oh! Why isn't he unconscious?!

Lola

I'm gonna go get some coffee. [she leaves]

Quinn

[to the rat] Don't you feel lightheaded?! Drowsy?! ...Oh, you are smarter than I am.

Quinn

Who cares? I've gotta go prove to my rat that no rodent can outsmart Quinn Pensky. Are ya ready for me, rat? Are you ready for a piece of Quinn?!

Lola

Aw, don't feel so bad.

Quinn

How can I not? I've been intellectually bested by an animal with a brain the size of a raisin. He won, I lost.

Lola

I don't even think the rat knew he was in a competition.

Quinn

I thought Chase was over Zoey!

Lola

So did I.

Chase

What do you mean? There was no two year crush on Zoey! Right, Michael?

Michael

(sarcastic) Yes, there was no crush, you silly people.

Zoey

I can't believe the three of you took on the whole football team!

Logan

Four of us...

Michael

Yeah, Del Figgalo helped. Sorta.

Quinn

(yelling) Mark! My Mark!

Mark

I've been looking for you.

Quinn

Yeah, I know. You're breaking up with me.

Mark

I am?

Quinn

If you need to speed up, just hit the red button.

Chase

But I'm scared of the red button.

Quinn

Stop being a baby. (starts up the go-kart)

Michael

Hey, hey, hey! There is nothing funny about a young man with a scooter caught in his pants!

Lola

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes, there is.

Zoey

There really is.

Quinn

How'd it happen?

Michael

[to Zoey] It's her fault!

Zoey

How's it my fault?!

Michael

You went and got me all excited about Lisa, then I got nervous!

Lola

You like Lisa? Aw, how cute!

Michael

Oh, it is NOT cute! I can't even talk to the girl without something like this happening!

Lola

Awwwww.

Quinn

Now, tell us who's blackmailing Zoey or Princess Ablangada's gonna take a bath.

A bath?

Quinn

In chloropeptic acid!

You can't do that! She's in her original packaging! (Lola turns the chair he is tied in to face Quinn and her acid) NO!!!!!

Lola

If you want to save the princess, then you'd better tell us who's blackmailing Zoey.

Quinn

Help her, Firewire. You're her only hope.

Zoey

(to Rebecca) Why? What did I ever do to you?

Rebecca

You made Chase break up with me.

Lola

No, she didn’t.

Quinn

Chase broke up with you because you're a bucket of nuts.

Lola

[imitating Thatcher] "You are not to tamper with this machine."

Quinn

"Unless you want detention."

Quinn

We're gonna get your arm out of that thing.

Lola

And finally, get my reduced fat Doodlecake out of there.

Quinn

Will you forget about the Doodlecake?!

Lola

Um, NEVER!

Chase

Hey, could you guys quiet it down a little bit?

Michael

I'm trying! This thing won't... it won't stop!

Chase

Okay, that's it! You people .are too loud! [he takes his computer and starts to leave]

Lola

Oh, wait! Happy birthday!

Chase

BLAH! [he walks out]

Quinn

He doesn't seem too happy for a birthday boy.