Coco quotes from Zoey 101

Coco

You're guys... Am I... Am I unappealing?! Would you show up at my house on Valentine's Day with a pretzel from a gas station?!

Chase

We're just teenagers!

Michael

And I don't even like pretzels...

Logan

You're just a mess!

Coco!

Coco

Carl?

What are you doing with another man!

Coco

You dumped me!

And that gives you the right to date other men?!

Coco

Yeah, kinda!

Logan

Wow, this is great!

Zoey

What is that?

Quinn

Why is our dorm adviser rolling on the ground?

Lola

Coco! Are you okay?

Coco

Do I look okay? I'm a woman on the concrete.

Zoey

Did Carl break up with you again? (Coco continues sobbing and screaming)

Lola

I think Carl broke up with her again.

Quinn

Come on, let's get her up. (Zoey, Lola, and Quinn try to pick up Coco)

Coco

No, no! Just leave me here to die. (Zoey and Quinn pick her up and drag her away) My cell phone! (Lola gets the cell phone)

Coco

I can't believe he dumped me over the phone!

Zoey

But he always dumps you over the phone.

Lola

Yeah, like every three weeks!

Coco

Oh, God! What is that?

Quinn

We're really sorry.

Zoey

But we gotta go start our homework.

Coco

I just don't understand guys. First, they tell you that they love you. Then, they tell you that you're too clingy and needy and, man, I'm hungry. I mean, I know I can be moody and bloated and judgmental and I may not bathe as much as other girls, but I'm fun to be with, right? RIGHT?! (Coco keeps sobbing.) Oh, man, there's a hair on my honeydew. (picks up honeydew, removes hair, and puts honeydew in her mouth. Zoey drops her food that she was about to eat in disgust)

Coco

Ooh, maybe it's Carl. Oh, gross, it's my mother. (answers phone) What?! No, Mom, he hasn't called. That's right, Mom. I'm gonna grow old and die alone.

Chase

Wow, you have a horrible dorm adviser.

Chase

(picks Coco's laundry) Uh...Coco? You forgot your pillowcase.

Coco

That's my underwear. (takes laundry and walks away)

Chase

(looks at hand in horror) Well...Now, I have to go boil my hand....

Dean Rivers

Why are the police here?

(recognizing one of the cops) John Jones! (drops plate of ribs and runs off)

There he is!

He's running!

Get him!

Don't let him get away!

Cuff him, fellas!

Zoey

What was that about?

(puts handcuffs on Pierre LeMange) You're under arrest. Come on, let's go.

Dean Rivers

(confused) Why is Pierre LeMange under arrest?

Well, this guy's not Pierre LeMange.

Coco

(outraged) WHAT?!

He's an imposter. He goes around the country pretending he's Mr. LeMange so he can get free stuff and special V.I.P. treatment.

Chase

(outraged) No way!

Logan

(outraged) For real?!

Yup. We've been chasing this guy ever since the Burbank tamale festival.

Zoey

(outraged) Oh, my God!

Michael

(confused) Burbank has a tamale festival?

Put him in the car.

Coco

(running after the fake Pierre LeMange) WAIT! WAIT FOR COCO!

(through bullhorn) Step away from the car!

(as police car drives away with him in it) Uh, you have sauce all over your face.

Logan

(sarcastic) Great! This whole rib cook-off was for nothing!

Chase

No it wasn't.

Lola

Yeah, we had some fun, had some ribs, got to see some cops tackle some fake dude.

Well, it's really cool to meet you guys. If you need me, call any time. (Mira leaves)

Bye.

Lola

Wow, a dorm adviser who's normal.

Quinn

Who dresses cool.

Lola

And doesn't smell like bugs and ravioli.

Zoey

Ok, can we stop trashing Coco behind her back?

Quinn

Why not? Most people trash her right to her face.

Zoey

Yeah, but I feel like I got her fired.

Lola

It wasn't your fault.

Stacey

Anyways, Coco already got another job.

Zoey

She did?

Lola

Really?

Quinn

Already?

Stacey

Yeah, she's working at Vaccaro's Fancy Restaurant just a half a mile up the street from PCA.

Lola

See, I bet a server there makes a ton more money than a school dorm advisor.

Zoey

Good, that makes me feel a little better.

Stacey

Um, Coco isn't working there as a server.

Zoey

Then what's she doing there? (scene changes to Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant's lady's restroom)

Coco

(to woman) Hey! I'm Coco, ladies restroom attendant. You having a nice dinner? What'd you order? (sniffs her) Steak! (woman walks away and Zoey walks in) Zoey, what are you doing here?

Zoey

Well, Stacey told me you got a job and I just wanted to come by and say "hey."

Coco

Hey.

Zoey

Look, I'm so sorry about what happened.

Coco

I'm not. This job is fantastic.

Zoey

Yeah?

Coco

Yeah, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's really great, um, sometimes they let me--

(from inside a stall) Oh my GOD! This toilet's stopped up! Do you mind?

Coco

Yes, ma'am. (Coco heads over to the stall and turns to Zoey, sobbing) "KILL ME!! GO GET A HAMMER, THEN COME BACK, AND KILL ME WITH IT!" (walks into the stall) OH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Zoey

Um, Coco?

Coco

I can't go camping, leave me alone.

Lola

Okay, what do you mean you can't go camping?

Zoey

What's the problem?

Coco

I thought Carl, my boyfriend, might be cheating on me.

Coco

So I went to his house and I climbed up the tree in his front yard to wait for him to come home, right?

Right, makes sense, yea.

Coco

Then I thought he was gonna bring home another girl, which he did, but it was his mother.

Logan

Okay, well, that's good.

Coco

No, because the branch I was sitting on broke and I fell on her.

Lola

Oh my God!

Zoey

Is she hurt?

Coco

I don't know, Carl says she has a fractured neck or something.

Michael

Okay, so then what happened?

Coco

He called me a lunatic, then broke up with me, so now I have to drive to Frezno and fix this.

Quinn

You can't just leave us here at PCA.

Lola

It's semester break!

Logan

Wait!

Zoey

What are we supposed to do?

Well, I guess someone doesn't understand what "banned" means.

Coco

Maurice, listen--

Oh, get out of my sight.

Coco

Wait. Why are you in the women's restroom?

Quinn

He likes the lollipops.

I want you and your little chicky friends outta here.

Lola

You can't throw us out!

Coco

Yeah. Look, Maurice--

[removes the girls from the women's restroom] Yes, I can throw you out. Turn around. There's the exit. Move. Move, ladies. Ladies. Must I call security on you? Out of my bathroom. Out of my restaurant.

James

What's going on?

Zoey

I don't know.

Quinn

Quit pushing us!

Lola

We are citizens!

Coco

Carl, help!

[gets up from his seat and stops Maurice] Hey! Hey! What's the deal, buddy?

The deal is get out unless you want me to call the police.

Coco

Make him let go of me.

Sorry, baby. I'm on parole. [takes his food from the table and leaves the restaurant]

Coco

[starts to cry]

James

Sir, what's the problem here?

Mind your own business.

Zoey

Don't talk to him like that.

Michael

And let her go.

Oh. Is she a friend of yours?

Michael

That's right.

Then all of you out of here! [the people at Vacarro get up from their seats and start to argue as the rest of the gang do the same when Maurice tries to throw Coco out of the restaurant] Come on, Coco. Get out, Get out, Get out, Coco.

Logan

Do you know who my father is?

You're never coming in here again. Banned, Coco. Banned.

Freaks!