Lola Martinez quotes from Zoey 101

Dean Rivers

Why are the police here?

(recognizing one of the cops) John Jones! (drops plate of ribs and runs off)

There he is!

He's running!

Get him!

Don't let him get away!

Cuff him, fellas!

Zoey

What was that about?

(puts handcuffs on Pierre LeMange) You're under arrest. Come on, let's go.

Dean Rivers

(confused) Why is Pierre LeMange under arrest?

Well, this guy's not Pierre LeMange.

Coco

(outraged) WHAT?!

He's an imposter. He goes around the country pretending he's Mr. LeMange so he can get free stuff and special V.I.P. treatment.

Chase

(outraged) No way!

Logan

(outraged) For real?!

Yup. We've been chasing this guy ever since the Burbank tamale festival.

Zoey

(outraged) Oh, my God!

Michael

(confused) Burbank has a tamale festival?

Put him in the car.

Coco

(running after the fake Pierre LeMange) WAIT! WAIT FOR COCO!

(through bullhorn) Step away from the car!

(as police car drives away with him in it) Uh, you have sauce all over your face.

Logan

(sarcastic) Great! This whole rib cook-off was for nothing!

Chase

No it wasn't.

Lola

Yeah, we had some fun, had some ribs, got to see some cops tackle some fake dude.

Lola

How long do you plan to let Dustin keep staying here at night?

Zoey

'Til he's not scared anymore.

Lola

What if that takes weeks? I can't handle that, Zoey! I need to be able to throw my bra on the floor without worrying if your little brother's gonna find it, take a digital picture of it, and show it to his friends.

Lola

You can stay here!

Quinn

You can move in with us!

Lola

You can even take a digital picture of my bra!

Dustin

Can't...breathe!

Lola

(to Zoey) On a first date, a guy and a girl are just checking each other out.

Quinn

The second dates are like a compatibility test. To see whether you guys get along.

Lola

Third date is a real turning point.

Quinn

Whether to see if your gilfriend material.

Lola

Or the dreaded "just friends".

Michael

You know, why do they call this an "eggplant"? It doesn't look like an egg, it doesn't look like a plant.

Lola

So, what should they call it?

Michael

I don't know. Veggabush.

Zoey

Oh my God, we actually feel bad for Logan Reese.

Lola

Unbelievable.

Zoey

Wow.

Chase

That's insane.

Zoey

He's letting kids throw tomatoes at him?

Lola

For a dollar a piece?

Chase

Can I have a dollar? (Zoey nudges him)

Lola

Why should we help him?

Chase

He wouldn't help us.

Zoey

Yeah, but we're good people.

Lola

Yeah, I am a good person.

Lola

I can't believe I'm transporting Logan Reese's underpants.

Chase

Yeah, well if you're really in the mood, try typing up this 26 page history report.

Lola

Why'd he have to buy that stupid car and lose all his money? I liked him better when he was rich and obnoxious.

Lola

I don't wanna play volleyball with Gretchen.

Quinn

How icky is she?

Lola

Well, what is Chase thinking? Why would you wanna hang out with a girl like that?

Quinn

Uh, it's pretty obvious.

Lola

What?

Quinn

She's blonde, insanely pretty, she looks like Zoey.

Lola

Well, yeah, but... Oh my god, you think that's why he wants to be friends with her?

Quinn

Totally. I mean, come on, there's nothing appealing about her personality. This is like Psychology 101. He misses Zoey, so he's trying to fill that void with a substitute.

Lola

That's so stupid. No one can replace Zoey.

Lola

How can a girl that looks that much like Zoey be so--?

Quinn

(finishes) Nauseating?!

Lola

Yeah.

Michael

(sighs) I think it's time.

Lola

For what?

Michael

An intervention. We gotta talk to Chase about Gretchen.

Quinn

All of us together?

Michael

Naw. (points to Logan with his thumb) I think me and Logan should do it alone. Could get ugly.

Zoey

OH MY GOD! He went to England!

Lola

This is so tragic!

Quinn

It's kind of sweet.

Zoey

TRAGIC!

Quinn

OKAY! Tragic!

Michael

What is wrong with you people?!

Lola

You said we should try!

Michael

Not to kill me!

Lola

You're supposed to be stalling Zoey!

Mark

I did as long as I could, but I ran out of stuff to say.

Quinn

So what happened?!

Mark

.... I pushed her .... into a bush.

Well, it's really cool to meet you guys. If you need me, call any time. (Mira leaves)

Bye.

Lola

Wow, a dorm adviser who's normal.

Quinn

Who dresses cool.

Lola

And doesn't smell like bugs and ravioli.

Zoey

Ok, can we stop trashing Coco behind her back?

Quinn

Why not? Most people trash her right to her face.

Zoey

Yeah, but I feel like I got her fired.

Lola

It wasn't your fault.

Stacey

Anyways, Coco already got another job.

Zoey

She did?

Lola

Really?

Quinn

Already?

Stacey

Yeah, she's working at Vaccaro's Fancy Restaurant just a half a mile up the street from PCA.

Lola

See, I bet a server there makes a ton more money than a school dorm advisor.

Zoey

Good, that makes me feel a little better.

Stacey

Um, Coco isn't working there as a server.

Zoey

Then what's she doing there? (scene changes to Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant's lady's restroom)

Coco

(to woman) Hey! I'm Coco, ladies restroom attendant. You having a nice dinner? What'd you order? (sniffs her) Steak! (woman walks away and Zoey walks in) Zoey, what are you doing here?

Zoey

Well, Stacey told me you got a job and I just wanted to come by and say "hey."

Coco

Hey.

Zoey

Look, I'm so sorry about what happened.

Coco

I'm not. This job is fantastic.

Zoey

Yeah?

Coco

Yeah, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's really great, um, sometimes they let me--

(from inside a stall) Oh my GOD! This toilet's stopped up! Do you mind?

Coco

Yes, ma'am. (Coco heads over to the stall and turns to Zoey, sobbing) "KILL ME!! GO GET A HAMMER, THEN COME BACK, AND KILL ME WITH IT!" (walks into the stall) OH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!