Michael Barret quotes from Zoey 101

Zoey

Look, we all feel bad enough about the fire!

Feeling bad doesn't fill my gut with raw fish, now does it, cupcake?! I am TICKED OFF!

Chase

Have you ever thought about an anger management class?

That's it, Matthews. You just got yourself a slice of revenge pie!

Michael

Don't you think you're being a little hard on the boy?

You too, Starky! Revenge pie!

Michael

You two people are gonna lo... not win the bet.

Logan

No. You will... not win. For I... can go longer... without... invoking... the letter... after R.

Chase

Wrong. I... will win the bet... for one of you... will... talk... the bad letter... before me do. Be-before me. No need for the do.

Hey! Chase! Michael, Logan. You guys have been whispering this whole class.

Chase

I-I-I apologize.

Logan

Ha!

Chase

"Z".

Logan

Oh.

Chase

Quinn actually...tried to leave PCA?

Michael

To go...be with her....alpaca.

Lola

Okay, how long is this gonna go on?

Nicole

Yeah, will one of you use a word with "s" in it already so we can have a normal conversation?

Chase

No. I am determined to go longer than Michael and Logan without uttering that letter.

Lola

Could this be more annoying?

Nicole

No.

Lola

I'm gonna trick Logan into losing so we don't have to listen to these guys talk like idiots anymore.

Michael

Hey! Lola called we the plural of idiot.

Chase

I...am offended.

Michael

Did you tell Zoey yet?

Chase

Not yet.

Michael

Man, when you gonna tell her?

Chase

Soon.

Michael

You better.

Chase

I'm gonna tell her.

Logan

Tell who what?

Michael

You that you're annoying. [he pushes Logan, and the two start to fight in the hall]

Chase

We aren't even two hours in the new school year and you guys are already about to kill each other!

Logan

No!

Michael

Oh, I'm about to kill him though!

Dustin

(breaks up the boxing fight) Hey, what are you doing!

Logan

(exhausted) We've been... boxing... to see...

Michael

(also exhausted) ... Who gets... the single bed...

Dustin

Why don't you just flip a coin?

Chase

May I suggest something please?

What?

Chase

Look, you guys both want the single bed right? So why don't we just say that whoever gets there first gets the bed, fair enough?

Michael

I guess so.

Chase

Kay good. Now the important thing to remember here is.. (pushes them to the ground and runs to get the single bed for himself)

Michael

(to Chase) Hey, did you tell Rebecca about the...

Chase

(to Rebecca) You think you can tell me who I can and can't talk to?

Rebecca

You heard what I said!

Michael

Wow, look at that tree over there. (walks away)

Michael

So talk to me.

Chase

About?

Michael

Come on, man. Last year, a week before summer vacation, you sent Zoey a text massage saying you love her and now after the summer you show up at school with a girlfriend. Talk!

Chase

You know how they say that everything happens for a reason?

Michael

I've heard that saying.

Chase

Well, I think that there's a reason why Zoey didn't get that text massage. I think it was something, I don't know, karma, universe, The Lord, The Force. Something was trying to tell me that Zoey and I are meant to be really good friends. And that's all.

Michael

You sure on that?

Chase

I mean, look at it like this: a guy's gonna have a lot of girlfriends in his life, right? Well, I don't want Zoey to be just another one of those girls that I date for a few months or even a few years and then it's over. I want Zoey to be my best friend for a really long time! You know what I'm saying?

Michael

Y-y-yeah, I know what your saying... I just thought that I was your best friend... But if I've been replaced by Zoey then...

Chase

Zoey's my girl best friend. You're still number one, man!

Michael

That's all I wanted to hear! (goes to hug Chase)

Chase

You're such an idiot.

Michael

Thanks, man!

Michael

So, Zoey just walked right in?

Chase

Right in.

Michael

She should have knocked first.

Chase

Yeah, that would have been nice.

Michael

And you're sure Zoey saw you and Rebecca kiss?...

Zoey

Oh, yeah. They were kissing.

Lola

Are you a thousand percent sure they were kissing?

Zoey

Either that or Chase was trying to suck the teeth out of her mouth...

Michael

So, you just stopped kissing, looked up and there was Zoey standing right there in the doorway?

Chase

Yep...

Michael

Harsh!

Chase

Yeah, it wasn't the most comfortable moment of my life.

Logan

So what did you say?...

Zoey

He said, "This is Rebecca, my girlfriend".

Lola

You sure he said, "Girlfriend'?

Quinn

Maybe you misunderstood. Maybe he said... 'Grillfriend'?

Zoey

Grillfriend?

Quinn

Yeah, you know maybe they just cook things together... Outdoors...

Coco

You're guys... Am I... Am I unappealing?! Would you show up at my house on Valentine's Day with a pretzel from a gas station?!

Chase

We're just teenagers!

Michael

And I don't even like pretzels...

Logan

You're just a mess!

Chase

I just don't understand why they call it "a pair of pants".

Logan

Why not?

Chase

Because a pair means two, like a pair of shoes or a pair of gloves. Two shoes, two gloves. Why pair of pants?

Michael

Because, man, you would sound stupid if you were like, "Hey, man. I love my new pant. You like my new pant? Check out my new pant!"

Chase

I have to say it, I'm a little bit embarrassed for you.

Michael

This is a sports related injury! That makes me cool!

Chase

Dude, tripping over a basketball on the way to the bathroom is not cool... (sees Quinn and Lola) Oh, hey, Quinn and Lola. What's up females?

Quinn

Oh, hey!

Chase

What have you guys been doing?

Lola

I've been watching Quinn research rats for the past three hours

Quinn

Yeah, well, you'll change your tone when I catch that rat and lock him away forever.

Michael

Uh, what rat?

Lola

(to Michael) What happened to your foot?

Michael

Oh, it's a sports related injury.

Chase

He tripped over a basketball on his way to pee.

Michael

Why do you tell people?! Why don't you just put it on the news! Hey! Where's Jeremiah Trottman? Chase has a breaking story!