Michael Barret quotes from Zoey 101

Nicole

Are you sure people are going to pay money to smash a watermelon with a bat?

Zoey

Of course, boys love to smash things.

Michael

It's true!

Chase

We do enjoy the smashing!

Chase

Hey, it's him!

Michael

You're you!

I'm me.

(to Drake) You are.

Michael

(Talking in code) Zoey, the rabbit's in the hole!

Zoey

Huh? What rabbit?

Michael

[sighs] Stacey's at the store and the deal's goin' down! [mumbling to himself] And ya try to be cool.

Chase

Massage my shoulders.

Michael

Are you out of your mind?

Chase

Come on, I hurt! Friends don't let other friends hurt.

Michael

Well, these headphones are hurting my ears! What? You wanna massage my ear hole?

Chase

(Giving Michael a quiz from a Teen Girl magazine) Your best friend borrows your lipgloss...without asking!

Michael

(gasp)

Chase

What do you do? A, find a new best friend. B, push her down a flight of stairs, or C...

Zoey

What? It doesn't say that!

Chase

Well, yeah, but I think it should definitely be an option!

Michael

I pick B, down the stairs she goes!

Chase

(about new jukebox) Yep, that's definitely juketastic! (Zoey gives Chase weird look. A few seconds later)

Michael

(about new jukebox) Man, that's juketastic!

Dana

You got a signal?

Michael

No, only sand in my butt!

Chase

Michael!

Logan

What's up?

Michael

My boys!

Logan

So, how was your summer, man?

Chase

Yeah, I've missed seeing your freakish face every day!

Michael

Heh, yeah, and I've missed your big bushy hair. Hey, did it get bushier?

Chase

It's possible.

Michael

Alabama!

Chase

Uh... Capital would be Montgomery!

Michael

What?!

Chase

MONTGOMERY!!!

Michael

Right, OK... Tennessee!

Chase

Uh... Memphis!

Michael

No, Nashville!

Chase

What?!

Michael

NASHVILLE!!!

Chase

Who's Phil?!

Michael

Okay, I can't take this!

Chase

Good night, Michael.

Michael

Sleep tight, Chase.

Logan

You guys are the worst.

Dustin

[crying] Soooooo close.

Chase

Whoa, Mr. Bender...you used to be a cheerleader?

Michael

Whoa. (all the students look at the book)

Mr. Bender

There were no girls here then. (they continue laughing)

Chase

Michael. Michael! MICHAEL! (he takes the earbuds out of the Gio)

Michael

You interrupted tune time!

Chase

Lola asked me out!

Michael

Well, my goodness.

Chase

Yeah.

Michael

You were RIGHT to interrupt tune time.

Chase

Dude, this is serious!

Michael

I'm being serious! Lola's hot!

Chase

So, you think I should go out with her.

Michael

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Michael

Dude, everyone on planet Earth knows you love Zoey. The people on Neptune know it. Yeah, they're up there right now on Neptune saying: [in alien voice] Hey, did you know Chase loves Zoey? Why, yes I do, the whole galaxy knows; Nahahahaha.

Chase

You talk SO much.

Michael

The only person who doesn't know you love Zoey is Zoey. Why don't you just tell her already?

Chase

Because I don't want Zoey to know I love... [Logan walks in] brusselsprouts!

Chase

I told you, I'm not going to tell zoey I love her. I sent you a text.

Michael

No, you didn't.

Chase

Yeah, I did. See? [hands Michael his TechMate]

Michael

(nervously) Uh, you didn't send it to me.

Chase

I didn't?

Michael

No.

Chase

Then, who'd I send it to?

Michael

Z-Zoey.

Chase

(nervously) Z-Zoey?

Michael

[nods slowly]

Chase

[grabs TechMate] Zoey?! Oh my God! OH MY GOD! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, Michael. Oh my God!

(running out of the sushi bar with a fire extinguisher in one hand and a clipboard in the other) Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Kazu, your grill's on fire!

Kazu

Fire?! (He runs up the stairs. The others try to follow him until he stops them) No, stay back! Pull the fire alarm!

Michael

Where's the fire alarm?

Over there! (Zoey, Nicole, Lola, Chase, Logan, and Michael run to the fire alarm. Kazu runs up the stairs to Coach Keller)

Lola

Fire!

Logan

Oh, my goodness! (Zoey pulls a fire alarm. In the sushi bar, the fire is spreading. Morning comes, and the firefighters have put out the fire and are carrying everything out. Chase and Nicole come up to Dean Rivers and a depressed Kazu)

Chase

Morning, Kazu.

Nicole

How bad was the fire?