[reading the tip] It's a Botch or Watch.
DonIn this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't swim with sharks in the Mediterranean must try and perform a Brazilian write of passage, and stick their hand inside this mitt full of venomous bullet ants to retrieve their next travel tip. [throws a chicken piece in the mitt] This is insane!
Little known fact: the pain caused by their venom can last 24 hours.
[disappointed]: Oh, great.
I've been bitten by venomous creatures so often, I've developed an immunity! Last year on a school trip to Seaville, a box jellyfish sat on my head like a hat! [He and Jay try to high five but they miss] We don't high five much, it's pretty new to us. [Jay accidentally smacks him and he bumps into Laurie, causing her face to fall into the mitt and get bitten by the ants] I am so sorry, Laurie!
[slurred voice] No, no. I-I deserve that. [the other teams react in horror at Laurie’s swollen face] What? What's wrong?
Um, nothing. [takes the tip off Laurie's head] Okay. "Feeling divine? Then swing your butts to the coconuts."
Don
[swinging across the gorge on a vine, yelling like Tarzan] Teams must cross this gorge by any means necessary, and then search for their next tip, hidden in these piles of coconuts.
Sounds good to me. Let's go!
Called it! [sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten]
It's my turn to botch! [sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten while getting the tip]
[pushes Mickey out of the way] Hey, bullet ants, welcome to the gun show! WHOO-BOOM! [sticks her hand in the mitt and screams in pain as she gets bitten] Aah, they're on my person, they're on my person! [runs off with Sanders]
[Mickey walks up to the mitt to stick his hand in and Taylor bolts up in front of him, and groans deadly at him]
Pst. He was here first. It's his turn.
[annoyed] Ugh. Fine, but I'm next.
Don
In this All-In challenge, one team member has to make a headpiece, the other a tail, worthy of walking the parade during Carnival. When this local approves of their handy work, they'll get their next tip.
Piece of cake. [interview] I know how to make costumes. I went trick-or-treating as a beat cop for 10 years straight.
Well, one time I mixed it up and went as a parole officer, so, yeah.
Don
The lady cops take the lead, and back at the bullet ants, teams from plane #1 are still botching-or-watching.
[after getting both his hands bitten by the ants] I pump iron. So, once righty started swelling, I just had to switch to the left. Symmetry is what bodybuilding's all about.
Dude, your mitts are ripped!
[to her daughter while grabbing onto a vine] Hop on, and hold on! DO IT!
Mom, stop. You know screaming makes your neck waddle.
[The Vegans are the first to reach the Chill Zone]
Yes! Yes! From last place to first in one day!
Don
No, you deserved a 30-minute penalty, that’s all you're getting.
What?! We won fair and square!
Don
Each one of you were supposed to make a component of the costume, but Miles made both of yours.
[Laurie groans in dismay and Miles mopes in disappointment and they step aside as the Ice Dancers leap onto the carpet]
Don
Ice Dancers, you're in 1st place!
[blows a kiss] Yes! In your face, Vegans! [she and Jacques scream like little girls very frightfully at Laurie's swollen face]
[Due to Laurie's injuries from the bullet ants, Miles made both elements of the costume which broke the instructions of the challenge; The Vegans then got eliminated while facing a 30-minute penalty and by the time it has ended, every other team had surpassed them]
Don
[to the Vegans] Well, tofu break, ladies. You've been cut from the race. Maybe you can get a job at a tempeh agency. Soy long.
All our plans for the money. [she and Laurie walk away, sadly]
Don
Now that the last truly unselfish players have been eliminated, things are gonna get ugly. Next time on The Ridonculous Race.
That millions dollars would've helped so many causes.
Your heart was in the right place. Not the one you ate. I mean, your heart, the one inside you. Well, I guess they're both inside you, but I mean the--
Please, stop talking. PLEASE?!
[getting a tip from the Don box; reading] "Make your way to Dracula's castle in Transylvania?"
Don
[wearing vampire fangs; slurred] Transylvania! Transylvania! [spits out the teeth] Transylvania. Home of majestic mountains, old Saxon architecture, and the birthplace of the heebie-jeebies. Teams must travel here, to this castle, to receive their next tip.
[The Ice Dancers reach the Gymnastic Training Center and get a tip from the Don box]
It's a Botch or Watch. Ah! Gymnastics!
Don
Gymnastics. Nastics that take place in a gym. Whoever didn't face the bullet ants in Brazil, must perform two gymnastic feats.
[reading the tip] "Take a donkey cart to Bucharest and fly to… Hawaii!"
Don
Hawaii! Home of beautiful sunshine, ukeleles, and shirts that should only be worn ironically. Once teams land, they'll need to find this Don box. [notices it in Hawaiian-themed; unamused] Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Was that you, wardrobe?
Don
Carrie, Devin, congrats, you're in 2nd place! Jacques, Josee, you've come in… 3rd.
No, not again! Bronze, it's the worst medal. The road of shame is paved with bronze. (Jacques Crying)
[as Crimson makes her Hawaiian grass skirt all dark black] She only wears black. Even if it's grass, it must be dark grass.
Don
[to the Goths when they reach the Chill Zone] 10th... [then to the Rockers] 11th... [to Mom and Daughter] 12th place.
Well, honey. It wasn't pretty, but--
You need to step your game up, mother! For serious!
I know you aren't used to winning, like me. But maybe you need to follow my example more, because--
[snapping annoyingly] You've never won anything in your life, Taylor! Never! Not one race, not one medal, NOTHING!
Wait, what?! My room is full of trophies and medals!
Because your dad bought a trophy store! What kind of trophies come in the mail? And guess who paid your coaches to lie? Yep, daddy.
Beauty pageants. I won beauty pageants! You can't fake those!
[chuckles smugly] Oh, honey. When you have enough cash, you can fake anything.
[Taylor gasps in horror]
Don
The coals were hot, but that was cold.
[After finally completing the challenge, the Daters now become Haters as they're the last team to show up at the Chill Zone, though Don pointed out that it's a non-elimination round]
Don
Ryan, Stephanie, I'm sorry. You are the last to arrive.
[devastated] NOOOOOOOO!!!
We're eliminated? [sets Stephanie down] Great. 'Cause Steph, you're eliminated from this. [flexes]
You're breaking up with me? On national television?
Don
International, actually.
[gets a tip from the Don box, reading] "Find the Chill Zone in the Gold Souk." The what?!
Don
The Gold Souk. Just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. To reach the Chill Zone inside this shop, teams must travel here in taxis… some of which are gold, literally. [a man passes by, eating a golden ice cream] They really like their gold here!
Don
[as the Ice Dancers approach the Chill Zone] Welcome to the Chill Zone. You've come in 3rd, again. [Jacques and Josee gasp in shock] Kidding! The twins got here way before you.
Me and Mickey took one of the non-gold cabs. They're a lot faster.
You mean we're… 4TH?! We didn't make the podium at all?!
Don
What podium? There is no podium.
There is always a podium!
Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race · 242 quotes
