Don quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Josee

Gold medal, whoo! [yells in fear as the Police Cadets crash into them from behind]

MacArthur

Nailed it! [gets a tip from the Don box] Huh. It's a Botch or Watch.

Don

In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't eat the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French artiste approves of the drawing, they'll receive their next tip.

MacArthur

Well, if it isn't the smiling silvertons.

Josee

[kicks the cheese out the way, revealing the next tip, in sign form] I hate silver!

Jacques

[reading] "Take your cheese and sail away to where Mona Lisa's on display."

Sanders

The Louvre!

Don

The Louvre-- home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching.

Don

Reality TV Pros, your penalty is up!

Gerry

It's a tie! We all stay!

Don

Not quite. I'm afraid you're going home.

What? Why?!

Don

Your foot wasn't completely on the carpet, it was just out.

Don

Yesterday's Chill Zone was the Louvre, which is today's starting point. Teams will start in the order they finished, which means Cadets are-- [The Ice Dancers walk up instead of the Police Cadets; halts them] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yesterday's winners go first, icecapades.

MacArthur

Yeah, relax, silver streak!

Sanders

Wait your turn!

Sanders

[takes a tip from the Don box] "Take the train to Calanque de Maubois on the Mediterranean coast, and search the station for your next travel tip." Let's go!

Don

[voiceover, a map displays the northern part of France with Paris indicated by the Eiffel Tower, a dotted line travels to the southern part of France] Teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois. Calanque de Maubois skirts the Mediterranean south of France with sand so fine you WANT it to get in your shorts. The Red Cliffs are just one of the many sites that make this a popular tourist spot. (Cut to the beach; in a speedo) Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Because they ARE. [A crab pulls on his speedo and releases it; yelps in pain]

Dwayne

[grabs a tip from the Don box] It's a Botch or Watch. Whose turn is it?

Junior

Yours. What's the challenge?

Brody

[reading] "Who Wants to Swim With…" [gasps in horror] SHARKS?!

Don

In this Botch or Watch challenge, whoever didn't draw the caricature in Paris must swim to this part of the Mediterranean, and retrieve a travel tip from the dorsal fin of a great white sh- [screams as a shark pops out from the water; shaking his fist] Uh… Try that again, and you'll get a taste of this! Huh? Wanna dance with the widow-maker?

Sanders

"Note: Eaten teammates will result in disqualification." Wow, they really thought of everything.

Dwayne

[takes out his wallet] Sure we can work something out here, huh? Hey, you like coupons? 25 cents off the E-Muffins at McDonna's, huh? Ooh, ooh, or free fries with- oh, wait. This one's expired.

Don

20-minute penalty.

Don

[riding a helicopter, calling to the Geniuses below] Ahoy, Geniuses! I'm afraid the other teams have reached the Chill Zone! You are out of the race! I'm in a helicopter! This is so cool! [flies off]

Ellody

How ironic. Our strength in urban planning was also our downfall.

That just proves how flawed this show is. But, we played our part.

Ellody

I suppose geniuses aren't always as smart as they think.

You told a joke?

Ellody

I did.

Wonderful.

Sanders

There's the Don box! [gets a tip] It's an All-In. "Broken Icelandic Telephone?"

Don

For this All-In, teams need to hold down the button on this speaker box to hear me say, "Please give me my next travel tip." in Icelandic, with perfect pronunciation. [presses the button; through speaker, in Icelandic language] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. Then they must run across the geothermal field of hot springs, and repeat the sentence to this Icelandic local. [gestures to the swan lady and exclaims in disgust by her dress] Sweet sister of ducks, what are you wearing? Say the sentence right, you get the next tip. Say it wrong, and you have to go all the way back to hear the sentence again.

Josee

[in Icelandic] Vinsamlegast gefðu mér mina travel ábending. [the swan lady gives the Ice Dancers their next tip] "Take the helicopter to Skaftafell National Park, and find the next Don box."

Don

The Ice Dancers have the lead, but now they'll have to wait. The helicopter will only depart once six teams are aboard.

Don

As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge alive, the top six have reached the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park where their next challenge awaits.

Jacques

[gets a tip from the Don box] It's an Either/Or. "Feast or Fossil?"

Don

An Either/Or challenge requires teams to complete one of two tasks. In this case, teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast, or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of this ice cave. Once their chosen task is complete, teams must bring their intact fossil, or empty platter, to the Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may be out of the race.

Don

You're 7th! But you've earned a one-hour penalty. Please step aside.

Taylor

Wait, what?

Don

After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong, you were both supposed to go back through the geyser field, but only Kelly did.

Taylor

[groans in frustration] Way to go, Mom! I sat around waiting for you so long my butt fell asleep, and now we get a penalty? You ruined my life.

Don

Father & Son, you are the 8th team to arrive.

Woo-hoo!

Laurie

Wait, that's our fossil!

Junior

I knew something was wrong.

Dwayne

[sighs and pushes the fossil] Fine. Here you go.

Don

No sharing. [to the Vegans] You'll have to try again.

Laurie

But…

Don

Don't care.

Laurie

But…

Don

Don't care.

Laurie

But…

Don

[walks off] Don't care.

Laurie

[to Dwayne; threateningly outraged]: YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING OR I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!! [interview] I don't normally allow myself to experience negative emotions, but I'm sure my brain turns orange right now!

Dwayne

[interview] Not the first time I've never been cursed. Luckily, I don't believe it, so I think we're all good.

Miles

We'll never be able to reiki another fossil in time.

Laurie

Then we'll have to… eat the feast.

Miles

[Disgusted]: WHAT?!

Don

Well, my little meat-eating vegans. You are the last team to arrive.

Laurie

[interview]: So many animals. I just ate so many animals!

Don

But this is a non-elimination round! You get to stay!

Don

Here in Iceland, yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. And yesterday's winners, the Goths are first to get a travel tip.

Ennui

[getting a tip] Huh. (We're flying to) Brazil.

Don

Sunny, sunny Brazil! Home to bossa nova music, makers of fine coffee, and other things that keep me awake at night. Teams will travel here on these chartered planes. The first eight teams take a direct flight, the last seven will arrive two hours later, 'cause they're on the milk run. [Animals sounds are heard from the second plane] Literally.