Miles quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Miles

If we win the money, I'm gonna start a charity dedicated to the preservation of the long misunderstood ocean creatures. [pulls the travel tip off the shark's fin; the shark snarls and chases after her as she screams and swims for her life; covered in scratches during her interview] I'm totally scratching sharks off my preservation list.

Miles

We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him, so that way he can stay hydrated.

Laurie

And today, we're pedaling our moped so we don't use its fuel. [gasps in realization] I wish there was a way we could give this moped to our camel, right?

Laurie

The thought of coming last made us realize that we needed to step up our game.

Miles

Yeah, we were super charged up.

Gerry

[as the Vegans pedal past him and Pete; surprised] How is that possible? We're athletes. They eat bird seeds and dust!

Laurie

Pass the bird seeds.

Miles

You want some dust on that?

Don

Father & Son, you are the 8th team to arrive.

Woo-hoo!

Laurie

Wait, that's our fossil!

Junior

I knew something was wrong.

Dwayne

[sighs and pushes the fossil] Fine. Here you go.

Don

No sharing. [to the Vegans] You'll have to try again.

Laurie

But…

Don

Don't care.

Laurie

But…

Don

Don't care.

Laurie

But…

Don

[walks off] Don't care.

Laurie

[to Dwayne; threateningly outraged]: YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING OR I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!! [interview] I don't normally allow myself to experience negative emotions, but I'm sure my brain turns orange right now!

Dwayne

[interview] Not the first time I've never been cursed. Luckily, I don't believe it, so I think we're all good.

Miles

We'll never be able to reiki another fossil in time.

Laurie

Then we'll have to… eat the feast.

Miles

[Disgusted]: WHAT?!

Rock

[interview] Eating that stuff was like, the hardest thing ever. Other than like maths, or getting my driver's license.

Laurie

I can't believe I just did that. There are animals inside me right now. And I'm pretty sure they don't want us to come in last. But, I’m Relaxed.

Miles

Me Too. I guess mine wants out right now. [she and Laurie fart and miles falls off her seat while burping]

Laurie

I ate the sheep’s head, so we could stay in the game! But the non-elimination meant I didn't have to. I DIDN'T HAVE TO!

Miles

[slaps her in the face, snapping her out of it] Okay, you need to calm down. What happens in Iceland, stays in Iceland, okay?

Laurie

[sighs as her stinky breath send Miles a sniffing nose and began to retch in disgust] What? What?!

Miles

I'm sorry, it's just that… your breath smells like sheep head! Does anyone have a mint?!

MacArthur

[reading the tip] It's a Botch or Watch.

Don

In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't swim with sharks in the Mediterranean must try and perform a Brazilian write of passage, and stick their hand inside this mitt full of venomous bullet ants to retrieve their next travel tip. [throws a chicken piece in the mitt] This is insane!

Bullet ants?

Little known fact: the pain caused by their venom can last 24 hours.

[disappointed]: Oh, great.

Mickey

I've been bitten by venomous creatures so often, I've developed an immunity! Last year on a school trip to Seaville, a box jellyfish sat on my head like a hat! [He and Jay try to high five but they miss] We don't high five much, it's pretty new to us. [Jay accidentally smacks him and he bumps into Laurie, causing her face to fall into the mitt and get bitten by the ants] I am so sorry, Laurie!

Laurie

[slurred voice] No, no. I-I deserve that. [the other teams react in horror at Laurie’s swollen face] What? What's wrong?

Miles

Um, nothing. [takes the tip off Laurie's head] Okay. "Feeling divine? Then swing your butts to the coconuts."

Don

[swinging across the gorge on a vine, yelling like Tarzan] Teams must cross this gorge by any means necessary, and then search for their next tip, hidden in these piles of coconuts.

Laurie

Sounds good to me. Let's go!

Miles

Uh, okay, this way!

Called it! [sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten]

It's my turn to botch! [sticks his hand in the mitt and screams as he gets bitten while getting the tip]

MacArthur

[pushes Mickey out of the way] Hey, bullet ants, welcome to the gun show! WHOO-BOOM! [sticks her hand in the mitt and screams in pain as she gets bitten] Aah, they're on my person, they're on my person! [runs off with Sanders]

Pst. He was here first. It's his turn.

Taylor

[annoyed] Ugh. Fine, but I'm next.

Miles

Here's the headpiece. I'll start the tail. [interview] I'm gonna use some of my winnings to starts a support group called, "the Closet Vegan Society." For vegans like Laurie who've lost their way.

Laurie

[facing away] Hey, I didn't want to eat the meat. I thought I had to.

Miles

Did you have to lick the plate?

Laurie

[losing her temper] I thought what happens in Iceland, STAYS in Iceland!

Miles

I had to take control of the team if we had any chance of finishing the challenge today. Laurie could hardly see because those mean ants turned her face into raw meat.

Laurie

Mmm…

Miles

Uh, I'm sorry, what was that a yummy sound?

Laurie

Yes! Yes! From last place to first in one day!

Miles

We deserve it.

Don

No, you deserved a 30-minute penalty, that’s all you're getting.

Miles

What?! We won fair and square!

Don

Each one of you were supposed to make a component of the costume, but Miles made both of yours.

Don

Ice Dancers, you're in 1st place!

Josee

[blows a kiss] Yes! In your face, Vegans! [she and Jacques scream like little girls very frightfully at Laurie's swollen face]

Don

[to the Vegans] Well, tofu break, ladies. You've been cut from the race. Maybe you can get a job at a tempeh agency. Soy long.

Miles

All our plans for the money. [she and Laurie walk away, sadly]

Don

Now that the last truly unselfish players have been eliminated, things are gonna get ugly. Next time on The Ridonculous Race.

Miles

That millions dollars would've helped so many causes.

Laurie

I know. And I ate meat.

Miles

Your heart was in the right place. Not the one you ate. I mean, your heart, the one inside you. Well, I guess they're both inside you, but I mean the--

Laurie

Please, stop talking. PLEASE?!

Laurie

Our camel benefit was beautiful. And deserts are really hot. If we win the million, we're a launching a stop riding camels campaign.

Miles

"Take hikes, not humps."

Laurie

Or, we could call it something else.

Miles

[to the LARPers as they pass by; protesting] Take hikes, not humps!

Laurie

Okay, that slogan is really growing on me. [interview] Miles and I became friends when we (first) met at an anti-meat meeting.

Miles

When Laurie suggested we just call them "ings" instead of "meetings", I knew we were gonna get along.