Owen quotes from Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race

Owen

[after swallowing a coconut in whole] It's okay! I got it down.

Noah

Great. Let's wait eight hours and see if there was a tip in that one. [pokes Owen in the stomach with a stick]

Owen

Ow. You got me right in the coconut. (Chuckles)

[getting a tip from the Don box] It's a Botch or Watch. "Whoever didn't do gymnastics in Romania has to go diving for wedding rings?"

Don

In this challenge, botchers must dive into Hawaii's most popular wedding bay and retrieve one of the rings from the bottom.

Owen

[reading] "Then swim to the beach at the tip of the bay to meet your partner."

Don

Last episode's Chill Zone sits atop the Great Wall of China. That makes it today's starting point. And last episode's winners are the first team to grab a tip.

Ryan

[takes a tip from the Don box and Stephanie swipes it out of his hand] You gonna tell me what it says?

Stephanie

You gonna let me read it? [interview] We can't quit now. The prize money's like our children. We're staying together for the kids.

Ryan

I heard they're changing our name from the Daters to the Haters.

Stephanie

Hey, go for it. My hate for him won us the last round, so today, I plan to hate him even more.

Ryan

I couldn't hate her more if I tried. They might as well just give us the money right now.

Stephanie

[reading] "Fly to Oulu, Finland."

Finland?

Don

Finland. This European country is home to countless coffee drinkers, cellphone users, and the most saunas per capita, which is where the teams are headed. Here, to this Don box of the piping hot sauna's Apena Pilei Spa. Why suffer in the cold…when you can suffer in the heat?

Noah

[grabs and reads a tip] "All-In: Finish Spa Day. Teams have to sit the dry sauna…"

Owen

Awesome!

Noah

"…fully clothed at the highest heat for 10 minutes."

Owen

[with his shirt off and puts his pants back on; chuckles uncomfortably] Less awesome.

Don

Each spa hut has just enough room for two teams, and the 10-minute timer doesn't start until both teams have crammed inside.

Noah

"After the sauna, collect a tip from the next Don box by crossing the semi-frozen river."

Owen

[stepping out of the taxi] Cool! I wonder who's playing.

Noah

[grabs a tip from the Don box] Uh, we are.

Mickey

It's a Botch or Watch.

"Teams must battle it out in Finland's national sport, air guitar." Psh, air guitar? For real?!

Don

For very real. Performances will be judged by this applause meter. Get the crowd into a maximum frenzy, and teams can rock on over here to today's Chill Zone. Bottom out, and it's back to the end of the line to try, try again.

"Whoever didn't pull the rickshaw in Beijing must perform here."

Noah

Uh-oh.

Number one or number two?

Owen

Two! But it had the consistency of…

[farther up ahead] Number one!

Owen

[feeding Noah pork and beans] Here's the Choo-choo train! [continues eating]

[looking at Noah still looking depressed while eating] Maybe it's just a coincidence he, you know, went into a state of shock and despair, the moment I broke up with him. [to her sister] Can you just agree with me at least?

Don

While the rest of out teams choke down pork and beans, our current leaders are trying not to choke!

Geoff

Brod man’s not doing so good. But no one else is even trying the Bull yet, but we’re still golden. [gets pushed by Brody]

Ryan

Come on, babe. You can do this. You're stronger and scarier than anyone I know. Take a deep breath. [Stephanie breathes heavily] That's it. Just… [Stepahnie drops the spoon and starts gagging; sighs] You know what? Maybe you can't do it. Maybe you're not as strong as I thought. You're not a winner at all. But a… LOSER!

Stephanie

[gasps in shock over hearing that, picks up the spoon, and scarfs some beans] I… am not… a loser!

Ryan

As a certified trainer, I know how to motivate people who lack confidence.

[pressing her hands on her stomach, trying to hold in her vomit] I'm confident. These beans aren't gonna stay down, ugh, much longer. [vomits]

Owen

[hears his stomach rumbling] Uh oh! Beaks are shifting! Haha… [forms a big fart as a window crashes]

MacArthur

[interview; impressed as Sanders wears a gas mask] Man, can that guy airbrush his boxers?

Noah

We're gonna be in last place.

Owen

Oh, no. Chewy's drooling in his sleep. [gets Komodo drool in his eye] THE VENOM'S IN MY EYE! [farts, waking up the dragon; the dragon coughs and runs away; interview] Oh. I guess farting is a side effect of Komodo venom.

Noah

No, it isn't.

Owen

As reality shows go, that got as real as reality shows get.

Noah

Before it started, I didn't have a girlfriend and now I do, so, it's an easy favorite.

Owen

I mean, the million would've been nice, but winning isn't everything. Also, I already won a million.

Noah

And I'm dating a lawyer. So I'll never have to work again.

Owen

Oh-ho-ho. I'm sure Emma's gonna love to hear that. What reality show should we do next?

Noah

Didn't I tell you? We've been asked to do the next season of-- [static]