Master Billy Quizboy quotes from The Venture Bros.

Congratulations lad, you’re a fully matriculated student at State University.

I kinda wanted to go to MIT

[Rips open his shirt] And I wanted to be born with big, beautiful TITS! [to Brock] Make some lemonade with this, will you?

Don't move! They can smell fear...

Can they smell urine?

That's like liquid fear!

I jettisoned the hand and got away, but...I wasn't alone in there. (holding up a child's shoe) We lost one!

Well, where was his buddy? He had a buddy, they all had buddies!

Rusty, I just saw a little kid get disemboweled!

Well, you always wanted to be an adventurer! Not like answering trivia, is it, boy?

White! White! Get in here!

[shudders] Congratulations, you discovered pornography.

This isn’t an invention, it’s a responsibility. We need to study this, and if we find that it will help mankind move peacefully forward, then we shall share its teachings, because we are not only men of science, we -

We ... are men of hope.

How'd you know what I was gonna say?

Come on! Your dad said that at, like, the end of every episode!

Why can't I hear them?

Because you are SANE.

Dr. Orpheus

We must draw him out. Draw him from Hell with Hell. Quickly! What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? (Points at Jefferson Twilight.)

Jefferson Twilight

Um...I saw my mom raped by blackulas. I was 10. She called my name. I just stood there.

Dr. Orpheus

Um, wow. Wait, I can hear him. More ugliness?

Once I saw two homeless guys giving each other oral sex.

Dr. Orpheus

Yes, he's closer! More like that.

The Alchemist

Okay, this is really gross. Once I was out of toilet paper, so I used cotton balls. So, you know, I'm wiping, and I think my finger kinda poked through the cotton. So I—and do not ask me why—I smell my finger to check.

Jefferson Twilight

Gross. I see where this is going.

Dr. Orpheus

Quickly, Al, he's so close!

The Alchemist

Okay, I bring it up to smell it, right. But somehow the cotton got stuck to my fingers, so when I smell my fingers, the cotton's getting stuck to my razor stubble. So then I have this shit-cotton all over my face!

It's out! I did it. So, am I part of the Triad?

The Alchemist

Triad implies three. So...

All right. Then you guys have to pay my rather steep fee.

The Alchemist

Welcome to the Mystical Order of the Triad, Special Brother Billy!

Don't you have one of them fancy machines that can just look inside him, you know, like...with computers?

You mean an MRI.

Oh.

But he's right. We need to see inside Rusty's brain, and to do that, you know what we need?

Hank

An aeronaut! And an armored bear!

A submarine!

Hank

Also good.

Dean

We've got one—the X-3

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you— oh, geez! No! Come on, not that old cliche.

Cliche nothing! It is a classic!

Innerspace is not a classic!

That's, like, a great film!

Then why don't they make it on DVD, huh, fella?

They totally do. And, whatever—I was talking about Fantastic Voyage anyway!

Did you push State like I asked you?

I hate to be the one to break this to you, Rust, but your boys are pathetically underprepared for adulthood.

Well, sure, Hank's a bit of a late bloomer, but did you catch Dean's little mustache? Really starting to come in.

Yeah, regardless of the 'stache, neither of them knows a thing about the real world.

What are you talking about? Those kids have been around the globe more times than Gaëtan Dugas.

But the stuff those beds have been teaching them is more dated than Funk & Wagnalls. I mean, what college do you think is gonna accept transcripts from a talking bed anyway? Especially since, if I'm reading this right, Hank didn't graduate.

HANK!

Fight.

[throwing down his shield] What is with you?!

[throwing down trident] With me?! I do everything for you, fella!

You boss me around like you gave birth to me!

[over the continued argument] Stop this fighting and fight one another! We wanna see you fight! Stop fighting and fight!

So you've met Nikki? Nikki Fictel?

Hank

And how!

Yeah, she's a looker, that one. Gams straight up to heaven.

Where do you want us to bite you?

I don't want to be bitten. Can you just do the sucking part and not the biting part?

[as Dr. Venture makes a call] Oh, man. This is just wrong, Rusty.

Did you have a date to your prom?

I was a boy genius. I was the only 12-year-old at my prom, so my date was my mother.

Mine was worse. My prom date was to have been Miss Linda Lovelace.

Deep Throat Linda Lovelace?

The same. She, of course, by that time was a vocal anti-pornography advocate—thanks, Dad—and sent her friend Andrea Dworkin as her proxy.

Was she hot?

Google "Andrea Dworkin" on an empty stomach one day. [Into phone] Oh, hello? Yes, I'd like six of your finest whores please. Fine, escorts. Yes, I think I'll go for full service. Sure, I'll hold. [To Billy] Anyway, because my dad brought, like, ten Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders as his date, he didn't care that my date was a huge, angry, "way smarter than a 16-year-old me" woman who called me "little half man."

Better than having your mom as your date.

It got worse, no shit. I ended up slow-dancing with H.E.L.P.eR. H.E.L.P.eR. [Into phone] Yes? Oh, lord, no, that's way too expensive. Uh, what about half-service? What about just a good-night kiss? On the lips? Cheek? Just a hug? Okay, four of that, two at half-service. [Billy starts waving at him] Wait. [To Billy] WHAT?!

Just ask them! I'll pay extra.

[groans] Do you have costumes? ...Hawkwoman.

Girl!

Hawk...girl.

Spanakopita!

The Greek spinach pastry?

The Greek festival. Three days of fun in the sun on the most secluded island in Greece - Spanakos! I first discovered it's sultry pleasures as a young boy. You might say I had my first solo adventure there!

Ew! Is that a euphemism?

Get your mind out of the gutter, White.