Gary Chalmers quotes from The Simpsons

Chalmers

Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules on your case, every work day you'll report to a school board holding facility. An educational limbo, as it were, where you are the unbaptized dead baby.

Skinner

They never seem to like that analogy.

I'd say you're dumb as a post, but at least you can put a sign on a post that says, "Fresh strawberries-- one mile." You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit.

[quietly] I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered.

Chalmers

I'm sorry, what did you say?

[angry] I said, I'm lop-shouldered...and I have been since I was hung by my armpits in a North Vietnamese prison!

Chalmers

[shocked by the outburst] I... I didn't know that.

Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill a week's worth of morning announcements, with enough left over for a send-home flyer!

Chalmers

There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour.

If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, why don't you do it yourself?! [The rest of the teaching staff cheers]

Bart

Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?

Chalmers

There they are! Lets fry these calamari and serve them in a dipping sauce made from their own blood!

Skinner

But why?!

Chalmers

Well, it's not so bad.

Skinner

Well, it's a little.

Chalmers

I hate waiting. That's why I hate risotto.

Skinner

Even mushroom risotto?

Chalmers

What do you think?!?

Dolph

Hey, Martin Princess. If you like that cello so much, why don't you marry it?

Chalmers

No heckling!

Skinner

Way to crush him, sir.

Kearney

Hey, Skinner! If you like Chalmers so much, why don't you marry him?

Skinner

Well, as the superintendent, he's married to all the principals.

Chalmers

Thank you. You've made the anniversary of my wife's death even more depressing.