Apu Nahasapeemapetilon quotes from The Simpsons

Can we talk about accentuating the...uh...masculine area?

Did you hear that, everybody? Apu just asked about crotch stuffing. Now, I don't do that. Kenny Loggins does.

[Appearing at the window] I trusted you! [Runs away crying].

Mr. Retailer, over here! Your customers will love these mood lollipops. Every lick reveals your mood.

[lick, lick] It works, if blue is the color for unimpressed.

[While they ride to Canada] Homer! Tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me!

Ned

I was just telling him how brave he is to worship a false god.

I do not worship one god, okay? I worship a whole super team of deities that--[Ned pinches him] OW, ow! Okay, he just pinched me!

Ned

Well, where's your super team now?

Homer

Listen, you two! I'll tell you who the true God is if you're both quiet the rest of the trip!

But the infinite...

Ned

But the Bible says...

Homer

All right, I'm coming back there! [Unbuckles seatbelt and leaves driver's wheel to go to the back seat. The van swerves uncontrollably through traffic]

Save me, Shiva!

Ned

Why don't you just call for Hawkman?

Why don't you shut up?!

Homer

Apu has a rich life here in Springfield: a store full of great products, a lovely him-type wife, and eight super kids: Anoop, Sandeep, Nabendu, Gheet, Pria, Uma, Poonam, Sashi...

Shut your mouth! I want to do it!

Homer

Yeah, but doesn't the money go to schools?

You have been to our schools, what do you think?

Jay

I was kind of a douchewheel.

Even your way of apologizing offends me.

[reads a Playdude magazine] Before I die, I would like to know just what is in these nudie magazines.

What is it, brother?

An interview with... Jim Gaffigan.

Marge

Oh, Apu, it's good to see you doing so well. I know you can't turn your head, but you've got a great view. Oh! Are you okay?

Homer

Marge, he's got nine lives.

I am a Hindu, sir, not a cat. I have infinite lives during some of which I may be a cat. In those I do have nine.

Marge

What a beautiful day for a family stroll!

[carrying his octuplets] Tell that to my aching back!

Bart

[groans] It's not a family stroll! Homer forgot where he parked his car last night and now we have to find it!

Marge

What a beautiful day to be in denial!

Lisa

Yeah, Bart, who cares? The sun is shining, birds are singing, people... are... staring up at the sky in terror?

Homer

Do you see it, Lisa? There's... nothing... there.

And that's where Lard Lad used to be!