Waylon Smithers quotes from The Simpsons

Smithers, we're at war!

I'll begin profiteering, sir.

And hoarding! Leave it to the Democrats to let the Spaniards back in the pantry!

Kent Brockman

Roads closed, pipes frozen, albinos...virtually invisible. The Weather Service has upgraded Springfield's blizzard from "Winter Wonderland" to a "Class 3 Kill-Storm"!

Marge

I don't like the sound of that "class 3".

Kent Brockman

And where are the city's snowplows? Sold off to billionaire Montgomery Burns in a veritable orgasm of poor planning. [At the Burn's mansion, Burns and Smithers are playing volleyball with the snowplows. Burns hits a very large volleyball into a very large net]

He shoots, he scores!

[laughs] Perfect form sir.

Marge

Homer this is horrible! How will the kids get home?

Homer

I dunno. Internet?

Marge

I think it's good for a show to retire before it gets old and stale.

[walks in tired] Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!

Smithers, you could learn a thing or two from this braying moron. (to Homer) Young man, I'm making you my executive vice president.

Uh, sir, I believe that position was informally promised to me.

Oh, Smithers. I would have said anything to get your stem cells.

Mr. Burns

This is an outrage. Since when are public figures fair game for satire?

Well your goons did run her off the road sir.

Mr. Burns

I can't be held responsible for what my goons were ordered to do.

Bart

Mr. Smithers? I thought you were, uh, you know, uh...

No, no, I'm straight. As long as I take these injections every 10 minutes. [injects himself] I love boobies!

Bart

So, Mr. Burns, you're saying my dad has gone insane, and thinks he's a god, and broken off all contact with the outside world?

I told you Simpson was a poor choice, sir.

Mr. Burns

You know, Smithers, "I told you so" has a brother. His name is, "Shut the hell up"!

Mr. Burns

Who is that man and why isn't his enthusiasm being punished?

That's Mark Cuban, sir. He's the most flamboyant owner in the league.

[Slides down a zip line from a hook while holding a fire cracker.] [enthusiastically] I'M OUT OF MY MIND!

Ned

Come on, Homer. I'm insisting on a fisting.

What's this about a fisting?

Mr. Burns

[steps on Smithers' head] I did it! All by myself! [looks at Waylon] Oh, Smithers, do you always have to be underfoot?

Sorry, sir. If there was a less spectacular way to save your life, I... I should've found it.

Mr. Burns, coming down I... I thought we weren't gonna make it, and I thought I'd never get to say something I've always wanted to. The truth is, sir, I'm in love with...

Mr. Burns

The sound of your own voice? Yes, well, no dogwood, I, listening to the nightingale trill her unending tune! Don't take this the wrong way, but you mean nothing to me. Someone I give less thought to than the little piece of popcorn stuck in my tooth. Ooh, can you remove it? [Smithers removes the popcorn stuck in Burn's teeth] I'll see you back at the office. Don't be late!

Come on, sir. You'll be late for your appointment.

Mr. Burns

Hush! No one must know I'm not in perfect mental health. The Kaiser would be furious!

All right, Simpson, this is the 691st time you've left us for another job.

Homer

Yeah, well, I have a good feeling about this time.

So, we finally said what the hell, we have a form for everything else around here, so why not this?