Krusty the Clown quotes from The Simpsons

Krusty

I want to clear up a misconception about the Wha-Cha-Ma-Carcass Sandwich. I used non-diseased meat from diseased animals! Everyone does it!

Krusty

I don't want to die, I wanna to next to Kathy Griffin!

Krusty

Ow, my schnoz! My punim! My pupik! My genechtagazoink!

Krusty

Hey hey! We got more jazz superstars on the way, folks! Gooey Martin, Willie Mims, Dropjaws Turner, Sketch Friendly, Tootsie Childs, Sammy Biltmore, No-Talent Jones, Anwar Bernitez, Bossy Marmalade, Bad-Check Mazursky, Ray-Ray Takamura, Shakey Premise, Boopsie Crouton, Richard Sakai, The Premarital Sextet, C.S.I. Miami, D.W. Jitters, The Chubb Group, Canteloupe St. Pierre and many many more funny names.

Krusty

Homer gave me a kidney once. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came with postage due, but it was a lovely gesture.

Krusty

Have no fear, the star is here!

Krusty

The arctic circle, or as I long to call it, my wife's side of the bed. For the purposes of that joke I'm married.

Krusty

Look, I'm really sorry about all the things I've been charged with, as well as all the stuff you don't know about yet.

Krusty

Krustyland has a new ride, the Eyeballs of Death. It only passed the safety by a 3 to 2 vote. And that third didn't come cheap.

Krusty

Why can't I be funny with just my words? Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch. Except when he's off work.

Krusty

They were kids, and we gave them candy if they laughed! And if they didn't, until the 70s, I hit them with a stick! Some jerk tacked down the kids and made a documentary. It's called "Circus of Shame" or something.

Krusty

They took my dressing room, my parking space, even my writer, so I don't have a funny third item.

Krusty

Come back, I'm a clown! I can't afford to look ridiculous!

Krusty

No one told me this roast would treat me the same way as every roast I've ever seen and laughed at.

Krusty

How can they say I'm past my prime? Me, the voice of Ovaltine.