Marge Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

These reality shows really leave you no privacy.

Marge

It all began six years ago. Back then, Clevelanders had nothing bad to say about LeBron and they needed cash when they took the turnpike to Toledo.

Marge

[to Bart and Lisa] Geez, kids. I guess you've had your last birthday. You're going to stay your current ages for the rest of your lives.

Marge

Sweetie, What happened.

Marge

[thinking] Oh, my God, I'm popular! Hope this doesn't go to my head. It went right to my head!! Aaaah!!

Marge

I had a nightmare where that happened to Bart, but I never told you about it.

Marge

With all these commercials, I'm afraid your father's going to need bigger pants. Alexa, do you have any X-X-X-X- X-X-X-XL in stock?

Marge

[carrying Maggie to her room] Ah, what a long day. What should we read tonight? "Good Night Escaped Gorilla," "The Pookadook," "What Do You People Do All Day?," "The Pookadook," "S'up, Moon?," "The Pookadook?" Wait, how many Pookadooks do we have? Oh, I guess just one.

Marge

[singing] I'm getting the mail, hallelujah, I'm getting the mail. It's something to do. [stops singing] Hmm. What the Helen Mirren?

Bart

My turn. Kwyjibo. K-W-Y-J-I-B-O, 22 points, plus triple word score, plus 50 points for using all my letters. Game's over, I'm outta here. [about to leave]

Homer

[grabs Bart's arm] Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is.

Bart

Kwyjibo. Uh... [looks at Homer, who lets go of his arm] a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin.

Marge

And a short temper.

Homer

[turns red in anger] I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape! [angrily chases Bart]

Bart

Uh-oh! Kwyjibo on the loose!

Bart

[singing] Toreador, oh, don't spit on the floor. Please use the cuspidor. That's what it's for.

Marge

Bart, stop fooling around. Homer, stop encouraging him.

Homer

Don't stifle the boy, Marge. We're supposed to encourage him.

Marge

Shush!

Bart

Dad, I got to tell you something, hope you won't be too mad.

Homer

What is it, son?

Bart

I'm not a genius, dad.

Homer

What?

Bart

I cheated on the intelligent test. I'm sorry. But I just wanna say that the past few weeks have been great! Me and you've done stuff together, you've helped me out with things, we're closer than we've ever been. I love you, dad, and I think if something can bring us that close, it can't possibly be bad.

Homer

[pauses; turns red in anger] Why you little...! [chases his son angrily]

Bart

Uh-oh! [runs screaming]

Marge

What's going on out there?

Lisa

I think Bart's stupid again, Mom.

Marge

Oh, well.

Homer

[pounding on the door] You can't stay in there forever!

Bart

[locks the door] I can try!

Homer

[pounding] March your butt right out here! Now!

Bart

[hops on his bed] No way, man!

Homer

[continues pounding] Bart! I-! [stops himself with a crafty smile] Son, if you don't come out, I can't hug you and kiss you and make you feel all better.

Bart

[sits on his bed, reading comic books and drinking soda] You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?! I'm insulted!

[to Homer] Well, if you had been paying attention, perhaps you would have noticed that your family sees you as a rather stern authority figure, an ogre, if you will.

Marge

Now, Doctor, that's not true.

Lisa

Ogre is such a strong word.

Bart

Right on, Doc! Another successful diagnosis.

Homer

That does it!

Whoa! [takes the lamp from Homer with a chuckle] Okay, you want to kill each other. That's good. That's healthy.

Homer

Do I smell cupcakes? [opens the oven] Ooh, do I ever!

Marge

Uh-uh, Homer. Lisa's making these for her teacher.

Homer

Ah. Say no more. [closes it and seconds later Bart opens it]

Bart

Yum! Don't mind if I do!

Marge

Bart! [drags him back into the kitchen]

Bart

Oh, man!

Marge

Well, Bart, I hope you're going straight to the principal about this!

Bart

I guess I should do that.

Homer

What?! And violate the code of the schoolyard?! I'd rather Bart die!

Marge

What on Earth are you talking about, Homer?!

Homer

The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy how to be a man! Let's see: Don't tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do, and what else...?