Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Mom, I want to be like you. I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Pretend to care! [angrily strangles Bart]

Marge

Bart! Someone wrote something cynical on your shirt. Let me wash it off.

Bart

Leave me alone. This expresses my rage at the machine.

Marge

Well I like t-shirts with a nice joke, like "Support our troops".

Homer

Bart's shirt is a classic, Marge, just like "Keep on truckin" - as if I would ever want to stop truckin'.

Bart

There's more than one way to lose a tooth! [to Nelson] Hey, idiot! You're fat! And your mom is naked on the Internet! You also smell.

Hmm. You've given me a lot to think about.

Bart

Is this one of those reality deals where a guy gets a million bucks for marrying Aunt Patty but they have to honeymoon in a box full of snakes?

Homer

Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it! [picks up phone and dials]

You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.

Bart

Why'd you buy the first hovercar ever made? Didn't you know it'd take a while to work out the kinks?

Homer

I know! It's a hovercar!

Bart

Mr. Smithers? I thought you were, uh, you know, uh...

No, no, I'm straight. As long as I take these injections every 10 minutes. [injects himself] I love boobies!

Lisa

You love Moleman! You're gay for Moleman!

Bart

No, you're gay for Moleman.

Moleman

[morosely] No one's gay for Moleman.

Marge

We're going to take the dog to the V-E-T.

Huh?

Marge

Then take Bart to get C-I-R-C-U-M-C-I-S-E-D.

Bart

Huh?

Marge

I'll tell you what it means when it's over, honey.

Bart

I've learned that even made-up corporate mascots can lie to you.

Homer

Did you hear that Foxie, the Fox network fox?

Homer

What's this? [reads the note] "Goodbye Springfield...."

Bart

[in voiceover] "The Flanders family has pulled up stakes. You have laughed at us for the Last-Diddly-Ast time!"

Homer

Last-Diddly-Ast? [sobbing] He's gone! And it's all someone's fault! [sobs and eats cookies]

Bart

This is all my fault! I planted Mom's bra in Milhouse's parents' bed!

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why, you little...! [starts strangling Bart]

Marge

Homer, I can save you both. Just let go of the rock!

Marge

Just do it! Trust me!

Homer

Okay.

Bart

Mom, Dad, I'd give a kajillion dollars for you two to get back together.

Homer

Make it 2 kajillion.

Marge

Homer!

Homer

We'll lose the first kajillion to taxes.

Bart

I'll cut you a deal, I'll give you Milhouse.

Principal Skinner

[upclose] I don't want Milhouse.

Sounds like my parents' custody hearing.

Homer

This camp's got it all. Climbing some kind of rope thing. Wearing a backpack. High-fiving the black kid. [angrily to Bart] It's the perfect thing to straighten you out.

Principal Skinner

Got it. [Bart groans 3 times] Now I have a ring tone for my brand-new cell phone. No wires at all. Except this one.

Hey, check it out. I made it partially risqué. [he and Carl hi five]

Homer

[approaching with his car, where Bart is sitting on a back seat] Hey, guys, I have to put the boy on a plane to soul-crushing camp. Then I'll be back to go to Vegas.

Bart

Dad, if you take me to Vegas, I'll teach you how to cheat at blackjack.

Homer

Boy, you don't need to cheat when you got a system.

Bart

What's your system?

Homer

[whispers to Bart] I don't tell your mother how much I've lost.

[over intercom] Welcome to Atlanta folks, please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete stop.

Bart

[looking up at the fasten seat belt sign] Nobody tells Bart Simpson what to do!

Thanks a lot 33C! Now we have to fly all the way back to Minneapolis. And I'm very tired!