Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

Lisa's pet peeve is... phonies?! I thought she loved them!

Homer

[carried by Rainier in his baby seat] Your heartbeat's so soothing.

Homer

Marge?

Homer

[voice breaking] Somewhere in that sea of bull hormones is the sweet, wonderful girl I married. The woman who, instead of swatting a fly, would give it a bath and send it on its way. I'd sure like to go home and have Jiffy Pop with her.

Homer

[comes outside to confront Bart] Go ahead. Leave. You'll come crawling back.

Homer

That's right, crawling on your knees. [stops in the middle of the road] Crawling! [sobbing] Oh, he's really gone. [starts crying] He's GONE!

Homer

All my life I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals.

Homer

[after getting thrown out of the striptease class] Aw, nobody loves Oily Homer.

Homer

I wish God were alive to see this.

Homer

Puzzle piece, come out and play-ay!

Homer

What a well kept street, and there sure are a lot of gay bookstores for a straight neighborhood. Bet these guys never had any kids.

Homer

[While being attacked by beavers] No! I wanted to die choking on food!

Homer

Oh, thank God, the dog's here. Pull me free, boy.

Homer

I used to think cats were just for losers who live in apartments, until my life was saved by this sweet little kitty. [Meow] [pissed off at Santa's Little Helper] Ooh, but as for you, Santa's Little Helper, you are a selfish coward and a bad dog! [Santa's Little Helper whines] Get out... AND STAY OUT!

Homer

[looking at the Jumbo-Tron] Oh my, God! That's my wife, and she's crying!

Homer

[to Mona] Look, Mom! Look! I'm riding by myself! [enters a wrong lane and screams]

Homer

I hope this bus ride never ends...'cause I'm getting executed when I get off.