TV show quotes
Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
What do you mean?
Well, this was supposed to be your wedding.
Oh, um, no, that's, um, it's actually fine.
There's no way it's fine, I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
They say your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.
Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.
There are four kinds of business: tourism, food service, railroads, and sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel.
I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside... I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my god, what am I saying?
I love you, Jan.
Okay.
No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that... wow. Genius.
This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case, when it inevitably goes to trial.
It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.
[wearing a women's suit] I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual.
Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. [Andy walks away] Jim! Tell him!
Andy... nah, that's too far.
Damn you.
I saved a life: my own. Am I a hero? I really can't say... but, yes.
Ready?
Let's do it. Drop that sucker.
[Dwight drops a watermelon, which hits a trampoline in the parking lot]
BINGO! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
[The watermelon hits the top of someone's car and triggers the car alarm]
Oh crap. Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess.
Okay.
Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes.
Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
