The Office (US) · Season 9
Why is Nellie still here?
You can only fire Nellie for cause.
Then I will make up a cause.
Except you just told me you were gonna make it up. Now, if she sues, I have to testify against you.
Then forget I just told you that.
I can't. I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy. Sat next to this woman named Beverly Brook. She had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean?
Now I know why Michael hated you so much.
No, he didn't.
There are two things I am passionate about. Recycling, and revenge.
I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. [introduces a new wheel] We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores, but they were right; it's more fun this way.
The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin though.
Seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.
[about Game of Thrones] It has a lot of nudity, which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.
Shabooyah, role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call!
My name is Pam.
Yeah!
I like to paint.
Yeah!
You think you’re better?
Yeah!
Oh no you ain't!
Role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call!
My name is Kevin.
Yeah!
That is my name.
Yeah!
They call me Kevin.
Yeah!
'Cause that's my name.
Laverne packs up the pie wagon at 5:00, so...
At 5:00? That's only 20 minutes from now. [looking at map] The pie shop is 13 miles away. So at 55 miles an hour, that just gives us five minutes to spare.
So, wait, when pies are involved, you can suddenly do math in your head?
Hold on, Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies?
314 pies.
What if it were salads?
Well, it's the... carry the 4... it doesn't work.
At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right?
The more I hear about all this a capella drama, the more I think it's kind of pathetic. But when you're with someone, you put up with the stuff that makes you lose respect for them, and that is love.
I have to say I'm impressed with Kevin. He showed a lot of self-control.
[cut to Kevin in interview]
I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. [laughs] Oscar is having sex with the senator and Angela doesn't even know. [laughing still] Her life is a complete sham!
Hey, so that good-lookin' single brother of yours, heard he was in a downward spiral with booze.
Yeah, he's in rehab, actually.
Which place? The one right near Philly? I could be there in an hour.
Last week Andy set sail for the Bahamas to sell his family's boat, and he took his brother, but not me. I was kind of sad at first, but then I remembered that Bob Marley song - No Woman, No Cry.
Dwight listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who's a nice, reasonable person in your experience?
I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently.
Okay, so when you're selling to this woman, just imagine she's that nice, reasonable barber.
Okay, I can do that.
Good. Baby steps.
He used to fight dogs.
Like, he used to make dogs fight, or he actually fought dogs?
Little of this, little of that.
Do you think Kevin cares what other people think about him? Or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh! These are my role models now.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
