Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore. I got Jim's old job. Which means at my ten year high school reunion, it will not say "Ryan Howard is a temp". It will say "Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a midrange paper supply firm". [pause] That'll show 'em.
S3 E1Gay Witch Hunt
I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the '60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain... and it's possible a man slipped in. [shrugs] There'd be no way of knowing.
You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.
S3 E2The Convention
I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.
Ain't no party like a Scranton party cause a Scranton party don't stop!
S3 E3The Coup
[crying] The Sebring is cool! The Sebring is so cool! Please don't fire me Michael, I'll do anything!
Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Yeah...
What's his name?
...Crentist.
Your dentist's name is Crentist... huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
S3 E4Grief Counseling
I lost Ed Truck... and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
S3 E5Initiation
Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
I don't think you know what you're saying.
What time is it there?
What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone.
Uh, oh, yeah, right.
How far away did you think we were?
I don't know. It felt far.
...Yeah.
S3 E6Diwali
And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who has seen that before?
I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Oh, that's what they call it!
This is the best meeting that we have ever had.
KKaren
Andy! No a cappella!
S3 E7Branch Closing
It is an outrage, that's all. They're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.