Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother - who also happens to be my half-sister - kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years ago...14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of "Ace Ventura II" and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.
S7 E1Nepotism
Dwight is about to get so Pammed!
That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.
He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. [starts drinking coffee] Mmm! It's not cappuccino.
He messed yours up, too.
He's got to go, Mike.
It's just coffee, guys. But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?
S7 E2Counseling
I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he's stupid.
Thank you, doctor. Take two of these [flips Toby off with both middle fingers] and call me in the morning.
Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learned more from Dr Suess than Dr Freud. Earth. You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps. I don't know, just use the best one.
S7 E3Andy's Play
Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.
S7 E4Sex Ed
Michael, I have been dating A.J. for a year and a half now. You do this, you know.
Do what?
You romanticize things.
I don't romanticize th...No...
Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.
"He had no arms or legs. He couldn't hear, see, or speak. This is how he led a nation."
Okay, in that case, I will now show you how to put this condom on...using this pencil. What?
Why would you choose a pencil, Andy?
Well, I'm not gonna use my penis, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway.
Come on, give it a rest, pencil dick.
S7 E5The Sting
Nothing happened. We went on a couple of dates. He never called me again.
What? He never called you? I thought you said it just fizzled.
That's fizzling. I mean, someone has to start the fizzle.
Yeah, I thought you started it.
No, I liked him. For a couple of days. Four years ago. You know I have a kid with you, right?
This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Guh! Crap, I forgot about Packer...
S7 E6Costume Contest
If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled right now. If you're out there, strangler, you will get caught! By me.
Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler.
To my chickens I'm the Scranton Strangler.
Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing.
S7 E7Christening
This is not the meal I was promised. I'm going to have no energy for the rest of the day.
I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this?
You know what, guys? Let's just enjoy lunch.
With what? How? Sometimes, Michael, sometimes...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.