A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean who's going to give Kevin an award, Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, “Hey, did you get an award?” And the neighbor will say, “No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me.” Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.
S2 E1The Dundies
You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
S2 E2Sexual Harassment
Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Does that include "That's what she said?"
Mmm hmm, yes.
Wow. That is really hard. ...You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
That's what she said!
[to Toby] You said we could come to you if we had any questions... Where is the clitoris? On the website it said "at the crest of the labia." What does that mean? ...What does the female vagina look like?
[talking head] Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's not really a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
S2 E3Office Olympics
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in the head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
S2 E4The Fire
Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I've heard "women and children first". But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.
I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA, so…so it's not the same thing. At all.
S2 E5Halloween
[to Dwight in costume] Are you a monk?
I'm a Sith lord!!
[while on hold with Sherry] I wish I could fire Sherry.
SSherry
I'm still here, Michael.
Err... OK, Sherry. Thank you.
S2 E6The Fight
I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran. Killed twenty men then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father... battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm... easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
S2 E7The Client
[on the phone] I don't understand... you want to see other people? ...Only other people?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.