I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is cancelled.
You can't cancel a holiday.
Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's.
What's that mean?
Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
S3 E10A Benihana Christmas
I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.
Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly...she's not yo' ho no mo'.
Why do I feel like crap?
You just had a rebound.
A rebound?
Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but when it's over... you're left thinking about the girl you really like-- the one that broke your heart.
S3 E12Back From Vacation
[seeing a picture of Michael and Jan in Jamaica] Oh my God, is that Jan?
No... that's a German woman named... Urkel... grue.
Jan? You complete me.
...Oh god.
The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible."
Yep, it's English. It's impossible.
S3 E13Traveling Salesmen
Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice... strike three.
And where it asks you to state your business he wrote, "Beeswax, Not Yours, Inc."
After you sir.
No, thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Okay, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front.
Yeah, but it'll easier to stop. I can always black the blow. Or I can counter—[gets smacked in the face by Jim]
S3 E14The Return
I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I am going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.
S3 E15Ben Franklin
I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
Guys! Beef: it's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
I do! I want some man meat!
Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Well then, my man meat he shall have.
S3 E16Phyllis' Wedding
I saw "Wedding Crashers" accidentally. I bought a ticket for "Grizzly Man" and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cause that's the thing about bear attacks... they come when you least expect it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.