Stanley Hudson quotes from The Office (US)

Dwight

Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose?

I have no idea.

Dwight

Anyone else?

Phyllis

We bury him.

Dwight

Wrong! Ehhh! Check for an organ donor card. If he has one, we only have minutes to harvest.

Creed

He has no wallet. I checked.

Michael

He is an organ donor.

Dwight

He is! [to Stanley] Get me some ice and a styrofoam bucket. [unsheathes a dagger strapped to his leg] Here we go!

Angela

Oh my God! Dwight!

Kelly

Dwight!

Angela

What are you doing?!

Dwight

We search for the organs! Where's the heart? The precious heart?

Stanley

I'm not feeling well. I need to sit down.

Michael

Stanley!

Stanley

Can't you see I'm urinating?

Michael

Listen, listen, Stanley. You don't need to answer me now.

Stanley

No.

Michael

Just...I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company...

Stanley

No.

Michael

You're not letting me finish and you just lost out on a million dollars.

Stanley

No I didn't.

Stanley

This is not the meal I was promised. I'm going to have no energy for the rest of the day.

Kevin

I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this?

Michael

You know what, guys? Let's just enjoy lunch.

Kevin

With what? How? Sometimes, Michael, sometimes...

Michael

Excuse me, everyone. SEX! Now that I have your attention...

Stanley

You don't have our attention.

Michael

MONEY!

Stanley

I'm listening.

Kevin

You had me at sex.

Michael

Pervert.

Andy

Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math.

Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here.

Pam

In costumes!

Jim

And impressions!

Toby

In meetings.

And cups of coffee.

Kevin

For birthdays!

Stanley

More meetings and...

...E-mail forwards you made us read.

Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times!

Meredith

You hit me with your car!

Ryan

You helped me get off drugs!

Creed

I watch you when you sleep.

Oscar

I forgive you for kissing me!

Remember to call. Call. Remember to call. Call. Remember to call. Call.

Call, text or e-mail, or call.

Deangelo

[falsetto] Measure your life in love!

Remember to call, remember to call. Remember to call.

Phyllis

I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works.

Meredith

[Scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party!

Nellie

Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?

Kevin

Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

Dwight

What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel.

Jim

Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?

Kevin

No.

Angela

No!

Jim

Done, right?

Angela

No.

Stanley

No. I want Tropical Christmas.

Meredith

Topless Christmas.

Creed

Tapas Swiss Miss.

Phyllis

I can't be around sad people, it just makes me sad.

Stanley

I'm the same around horny people.