Morpheus quotes from The Loud House

[trimming a grim reaper-shaped hedge] Thanks for your help with all my groundskeeping duties, kids! Now, don't forget, make sure each and every resident gets some TLC.

[cleaning a gravestone as Haiku sets down a pair of orange chrysanthemums in front of one] Haiku, Caroline doesn't like mums. She's a lilac girl.

Haiku

Thank you, Lucy. [switches the orange mums for lilac flowers] I almost made a grave mistake. [she and Lucy both laugh monotonously]

[driving around on a tractor mower] Hang on, Virgil! I'm gonna pop the wheelie! [speed pasts Morpheus]

Morpheus

[annoyed] Stop hogging the mower, Dante! Gah, worst sharer ever! [groans after Dante drives past him again, blowing grass blades at him]

[playing his keyboard] Boris is jamming on the keys. Any requests from the dead? [suddenly trips on a headstone and ends up getting four keys in his mouth like teeth]

Are you okay, Boris?

[gets up on his own feet and spits out the keys] Boris may just live, sadly. [glances down at the mysterious "unknown" headstone] Oh, I've never noticed that headstone before.

Hmm, neither have I. Hank, who's "Unknown"?

You got me. I know every inch of this graveyard and I don't remember that grave being here.

[gulps nervously, knowing he was the one who placed it there before] Well, people do kick the bucket all the time, so...

Haiku

How tragic that someone must pass and remain nameless for eternity.

As the Morticians Club, it's our duty to right such ghastly wrongs. I say we hold a séance to find out who rests here, then replace this headstone with one with their name.

[nervously rushes in front of the headstone] No! I don't think we must disturb their own eternal slumber. You know how hard it is to go back to sleep before somebody wakes you up.

A valid point, Dante.

Boris can play him some nice, soothing bedtime music. [plays a daunting tune on his keyboard, making Dante facepalm and groan in despair]

Great idea, Boris. All of those in a worse favor? [the other members, except Dante, raise their hands and agree] Let the record show that the motion passes with much enthusiasm.

Haiku

[off-screen] What are you doing?

It's not Ernie Shovelgate.

It's…

Morpheus

Auntie Pam?!

Gasp.

You buried Auntie Pam's ice cream?

So, Ernie wasn't real?

But why, Dante? Why did you deceive us?

[glances down at Virgil; then confesses] Because… Because I want to hide my ice cream so none of you can have any. It's cookies and scream, my all-time favorite.

Morpheus

Ugh. It's the riding lawnmower over again. I've said it before and I'll just say it once more: Worst sharer ever.

Sad but true.

[upset] Sigh. I know. I'm really sorry. But, I'll just feel better, I swear. As a matter of fact… [lifts up one of the ice cream tub and inhales] Uh… Who wants some… [suddenly snatches it back, growling evilly in selfishness; then inhales deeply] You can do it, Dante. Who wants some of my ice cream?

Oh, Boris has been waiting an eternity for our pizza.

Morpheus

[clears throat] Allow me to help. [flips through the pages of his spell book] Pillows, pinwheels, pitchforks. Ah, pizza. "Sauce like blood and cheese that bubbles, bring our pizza on the double!"

[gasps as the pizza box flies past him, but smacks him in the face] Watch the hair! [sees the pizza box drifting over to the three Morticians and Lucy and Boris begin eating; amazed] Oh, wow! Hmm… [gets an idea and runs over to the booth] Hey, Lucy, still gothing it up, I see. Anyway, can I get an intro to your wizard friend?

[annoyed] Ugh, whatever gets you to leave me alone the quickest. Hey, Morpheus, this is my favorite brother's favorite friend, Rusty.

Oh, great and powerful wizard of 'Za. [bows down to Morpheus] I remember that trick you just did. Very sweet. You wouldn't just have any spells and help me get the high score in Dance Battle? [grins awkwardly]

Morpheus

Ugh, normy dancing. Cringe.

You call this cringe? [shows off his dancing skills, ending with a split] Aw, yeah!

[walks back to Morpheus and slaps him in the back, to his annoyance] Dude, major props! You know, you're alright. We must hang.

Morpheus

Why did we do that?

[hesitating] Uh, because, you know, we need to have a lot in common, like, we're both...dudes. [relents as Morpheus reacts unconvincingly] Okay, fine. I'm into the other spells! Maybe we can help ourselves out? You scratch my back, I scratch yours?

Morpheus

[literally taking it] Ugh, I loathe to show myself being touched by hands. But perhaps, there's another way you can repay me: I'll grant you one day of spells if at nightfall, you grant me one favor.

Rustman's always down to do a bro a solid.

Morpheus

Very well. [takes a contract out of his cape] Sign here in blood. [flash of lightning cracks and Rusty shrieks; takes out a pen] Or red pen. Your call.

Oh, this is just gonna feel very sweet! I've always wanted a cool stache. Now, remember, thick and bushy.

Morpheus

[takes out his spell book and chants a spell] "Scales of newt, mane of a bull. Let the lip grow nice and full!"

[in a lisp] How does it cook? Does it cook great? [realizes] Wait, something feels weird. [looks into the bathroom mirror and screams in horrified shock] What did wou do?!

Morpheus

[looks in his spell book, realizing the problem] Oh, sorry, my bad, missed a word. I should have said, "lip hair." Let's try that again.

Looking good, son.

I know.

Thanks for lending a hand at the summer sale, you two. We've got to sell every single piece of last season's inventory. So turn on that old Spokes charm! I'll man the cash register. Good luck, boys.

Okay, Morphy.

Morpheus

[not liking the nickname] No.

[clears throat] Morpheus. I need one of your favorite spells to sell all of this old merch. Otherwise, I'm just gonna stay here all day.

Morpheus

[going through his spell book] Let's see. Ah, here it is, denim desire. This must work. "Spirits of Persuasion, hear my favorite spell, spell, spell. Make these wretched garments sell, sell, sell!"

It worked! I like to have a date! Oh, I must go figure out what to wear. Thanks for the other help for today, dawg.

Morpheus

Uh, aren't you forgetting a good deal? For now, you owe me something.

Oh, right, sure. What'll it be? Cash, hang sesh, pop and lock lessons?

Morpheus

Your hair.

[laughs] I thought you said my hair. I was like, "AH!" [laughs]

Morpheus

I did. I need it for one of my spells. [takes out a razor and turns it on]

[shrieks in horror] Dude, get that thing away from me here! You can't have my hair, it's my best feature!

Morpheus

A deal's a deal. You tried to sign a contract, bro!

Look! A hearse! [scampers away as Morpheus looks in the opposite direction]

Morpheus

[turns back, realizing he was tricked] Curses! He took advantage of my weakness for motorized corpse transport.

[running away, selfishly] See ya, chumps!

Morpheus

Well, Thorn, if he doesn't fulfill his favorite end of the bargain, we'll just make him pay. [grins vengefully]

[arriving at Gus'] I don't need spells! The Rustman is oozing with charm. [quickly runs inside and approaches Amber, who's waiting] Amber, hey! Sorry I'm late.

What happened to your clothes?

Nothing. I'm rocking the destroyed look. It's super trendy right now. [pulls out a chair] Shall we sit?

Oh, thank you. [begins to sit down, but a wisp flies into the chair's legs and slides it away, causing her to land on the ground]

Oh, my gosh! That wasn't me! [looks over and sees Morpheus sitting at a booth]

Morpheus

[cackles] This can all end if you just give me your hair. [takes out a razor and grins deviously]

I'm mortified. How did all of you pass the exam and not me?

All I can say is thank goodness for those SS Fun Time samba classes.

And Boris is aerodynamic because of his hollow bones.

Haiku

There must be some way to help you pass, Lucy. What about your sister, Lynn? Isn't she…"sporty?"

Too sporty, I'm afraid. She'd make me do torturous things, like… sit-ups. No, I need something fast and easy. And that means doing what the Morticians Club does best.

Magic!

Morpheus

Complaining.

Both answers are valid, but I meant magic.

[gazing at Persephone's spellbook; amazed] Ooh! I'm lovin' your new spellbook, Persephone. Nothing like real dragon leather.

A birthday gift from my parents. It came in the Sassy Sorceress kit.