Lisa quotes from The Loud House

Leni

Knock-knock!

Salutations, sister. I'm sorry. I don't have time to make small talk.

Leni

Math with letters? Totes fun! What are you working on?

[sighs] Small talk, it is.

[quickly hugs her] Thank you so much for coming!

Leni

You can brief me on the way up. What are we looking at?

Silk, cotton, wool, and I was thinking… linen.

Leni

[gasps] Linen in October? Now, that's scary.

Bobby

[peeking out] Hi, Babe!

[noticing Lisa, also in tow] Lisa, what are you doing here?

None of our siblings found my musings on All-Hallows-Eve to be interesting, so they offered my 50 bucks to, and I quote, "Take my dull facts elsewhere."

Did someone say dull facts? You're speaking my language! Lisa, would you like to help me reassemble a skeleton while discussing the mythology behind this spooky holiday?

[gasps and squeals] I apologize for that amateurish display of emotion. Be right up!"

Lori

Ugh, Boo-Boo Bear, I am so ready to start our romantic Halloween celebration. Is the mercado all decorated?

Not yet. We just need to wrangle the pack of angry neighborhood cats, which means we need Lana.

Lori

[slumps in dismay] Ugh, seriously?!

It would mean a lot to me, mija.

Lori

Ugh. You know I can never say no to you, Mr. C.

[hugs her] I was counting on that.

Lynn Sr.

Hey, there, Vic, old buddy, old pal. Afraid we got some bad news for you.

We just discovered that according to state regulations, Gila monsters are not allowed in hotel establishments. Animal Control is on the way as we speak.

[horrified] AH! Okay, okay, I'll give you your money back. I'll bump you up to red level. Just call off Animal Control!

Lynn Sr.

All we want is the vacation we were promised.

Deal! Are you doing it? Are you calling? I can't see!

You are just going to reanimate her anyway, aren't you?

Todd, we need to have a scientific obligation to solve the universe's greatest mysteries. And if that leads to a museum wing being named after me, who am I to quibble?

But how are we just going to do it?

Dr. Alvarez shall and will just be out for her volleyball tournament tomorrow. It'll just become the perfectest time. We'll just feel early, before the museum starts to open. Looking forward to meeting you, prehistoric woman.

[in his El Falcón costume while Sergio and his pigeon friends eat a pretzel] Ah, man! You guys got a whole pretzel?! All I nabbed was some peanuts. [drops the peanuts to the ground and annoyingly pretends to eat them, pigeon-style]

Lori

[gasps] Carl, too?! They're right by the elevator! How are we just going to get out of here?!

By my rough calculations, factoring in our combined weight and this platform's capacity, I'm afraid we're… [gasps]

[completes the sentence] Maniacs.

[entering the rooftop, and finds the Loud family] Louds? What're all of you doing here?

Lynn Sr.

[nervously] Rosa! H-H-Hey! We were, uhhh... just, you know, uh, trying out Lisa's new teleportation device. [chuckles] It works! [to Lisa] Nice job, sweetie.

[facepalms] Oh, jeez.

Leni

O-M-Gosh, really? I thought we were hiding from the Casagrandes.

Lynn Sr.

[winces] Uh…

Rita

[also winces] Oh.

What? [hurt] Hiding from us? I don't understand.

[worried] I'm toast, and not the yummy cinnamon kind.

No, you're not, Lily. I've got a plan. There's an issue of David Steele where he assembles a team to break into Golden Toe's lair to take his, you know, golden toe.

[confused] We're gonna take Ingrid's toe?

No. We'll do our own heist and get back Eunice before Lola ever knows she was missing.

Ooh, sneaky.

We just need a map of Ingrid's house.

Hmm. Perhaps I can assist. I, too, would like to protect our youngest kin from Lola's ire. Besides, I need Lily in one piece to complete the rest of our human nightlight test trial. I have a way we could get a full scan of Ingrid's house and the location of your desired target. I'll just have to initiate Todd's new pizza oven modification.

Guys, this is the most perfect Christmas ever.

[suddenly notices a spider on the fireplace while putting up the garland] AH! SPIDER! [grabs his brother's spatula out of the fruitcake and smashes it against the mantle, trying to kill the spider, thus bending it]

Lynn Sr.

[freaks out when he saw that his brother accidentally damaged his spatula as he returns from the kitchen] Ah! My new spatula! [suddenly remembers what they were fighting about, seething with fury]

[to the viewers] Um, maybe I spoke too soon.

Lynn Sr.

[swipes back his beloved spatula; infuriated to his brother] You did that on purpose!

Did not!

Lynn Sr.

Did too!

[slightly annoyed] Quit being a weenie! It's just a dumb kitchen utensil.

Lynn Sr.

[now standing next to his brother's exercise ball] Oh, yeah?! Well I guess this is just a dumb rubber ball, huh?

[gasps] You mustn't harm the the Ab Blaster, this thing's 5000!

Lynn Sr.

Well, what can I say? We "weenies" are unpredictable. [tries to pop the ball with the spatula, only for it to bounce off and hit him in the face, then rips it with his own teeth instead]

Rita

[covering Lily's eyes; shocked with anger] Lynn!

[grabs a gingerbread cookie off the tray] Say goodbye to gingerbread you! [bites the head off of the cookie, making Lynn Sr. grab his throat in horror]

[covering Shiloh's own eyes; also shocked with anger] Lance!

Lynn Sr.

Say goodbye to… [tries to pick up Lance's kettlebell, but it's too heavy] Okay, not that. Ah-ha! [grabs the "ENDURE-LANCE" ornament from the tree, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it]

[sees a present; reads label] "For Lynn." Ha! Not today, Santa! [soccer-kicks the present right out the open window, sending it miles into the forest] GOAL!

Actually, that was for Lynn Jr.

[blasting his air horn in irritation, stopping the fighting] For the love of Neptune, enough! Can't we just have a nice, quiet Loud Christmas?

Lynn Sr.

I am not having Christmas with him.

I'm not having Christmas with him.

Rita

Well, we're all here for the night, so how are we going to make this work?

Lynn Sr.

[slicing a ham for his family on one side] Well, this works for me.

[slicing tofu for his family on the opposite] Works for me, more.

[sitting in the middle with a big orange stripe painted right down his middle] Yeah, not so much for me.

Lynn Sr.

Sorry, Dad, but it's only one reason to make sure you don't take sides.

STOP! If I keep this up, I'm going to need a coffin for real.

Well, if you're not gonna work for us anymore, we want our money back!

Yeah!

Figure it out, Lincoln!

[groans] You guys are right. I never should have borrowed money that I couldn't pay back. [looks at his David Steele action figure, sadly] I know what I have to do.

This is terrible!

The worst!

It stinks!

We just got Lori back. We can't lose her again so fast. There has to be some way to get her to stay.

We can lock her in a coffin in the basement.

Or use the numbing properties of jellyfish venom to incapacitate her. [accidentally drops the venom on her left foot, causing her to collapse on the floor due to her leg getting numbed]

Wait, Lori said she was gonna find a realtor. But what if we find her a realtor who only shows her the worst possible places to live?

How are we supposed to pull that off?

Darcy

Hey, Lisa. I wanted to invite you to my birthday party on Saturday! You're my bestie, you have to come! [gives Lisa her birthday invitation]

Of course, Darcy. That's what besties are for, at least according to the latest sociological studies.

Darcy

Yippee! Have you seen Petey? I want to invite him too.

He's over there, recovering from his contribution to science.

[landed in a sandbox; groaning weakly as he sits up] I'm okay!

Darcy

[runs off] Thanks, bestie!

[opens the invitation and gets her face covered in confetti] Mental note: Invent confetti defense shield.

[as Lisa digs around in her drawer in the closet] So, should I decline Darcy's invite and liquidate it?

[sighs] No, I can't do that to my bestie. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hmm. Maybe I can clone myself so I can be in both places at once. [gasps] Or cryogenically freeze Darcy so she doesn't age, thus eliminating the need for her birthday party. Now, where did I put my freeze ray? [looks at Todd, wearing her glasses and wig; gasps] Todd, that's an even better idea! You can disguise yourself as me and go to the party while I go live it up with Dr. B.

There is just one problem. I am way taller than you.

Eh, a minor setback. I'll take care of that. [takes out a drill and a pair of safety goggles]

Gulp.

And we are finished! [gasps] It's like looking in a mirror.

Twinsies! [he and Lisa high-five but stumbles and the glasses almost fall off] Whoa!

You'd better not move around too much, we wouldn't want your disguise to fall off like that mid-party. [gasps and takes out her tablet] Ooh, I also cloned my voice. Let me upload it to you now so you can give it a try.

Ahem. [talks in a slightly tone of Lisa's voice] Hi, I'm Lisa. I have a high IQ. I think I'm so much smarter than everyone.

Eh, a tad sassy, but accurate. Just to be safe, I'll be monitoring you with a camera and speakers. With this tablet, I can see what you're seeing. If you get into any figurative hot water, I can coach you via this earpiece. [puts it in her ear, under her hair] With these precautions in place, it's almost like I'll be there. I'll be the virtual life of the party.

I have arrived at the destination.

Excellent. Mission is a go.

Darcy

[approaching] Lisa, you're here!

[imitating Lisa's voice] Of course. I couldn't miss the celebration of the anniversary of your birth. [exclaims as Darcy grabs him by the hand and drags him over]

[satisfied] Ha. I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, I need to figure out which one of my fecal matter study slides I want Dr. Brown to autograph.

[swings the bat and hits the piñata so hard with a sonic boom, and candy rains down; imitating Lisa's voice] Apologies. Perhaps I over-engaged my core.

[relieved] Phew, good thing they were too distracted by sweets to notice your super human strength. [firmly] Just do not let it happen again.

Self-drive mode, to the medical center. Pronto!

[mishearing] Did you say, Toronto? Taking you to Canada.

No, no, no, no. No…!