A character in The Loud House
By my calculations, with this many people in the house, we could be approaching a threat level of Stampeding T-Rex!
Hey, I was watching that!
Too bad!
No! Too bad for you!
Give me the remote, I wanna watch the sports channel!
Uh-oh. Make that Erupting Volcano!
Lincoln, you're perfect just the way you are!
You're kind.
You're fashionable.
You're rockin.
You're funny.
You're tough.
You're deep.
You're friendly.
You're smart.
You Yincoln Youd.
Now give me that jacket and go out there and just be you!
I'm sorry, Boo-Boo Bear, I know you were looking forward to having a real Thanksgiving this year.
It's not all bad. I found this half-off turkey jerky.
[Both families run inside the gas station, trampling Flip]
Jumping jerky! Holy hot dogs!
Whoa, how did you guys find us?
Tracking devices. [both look at each other]
You left before trying my twice-baked tart.
They would prefer my flan.
Flan, shman. Tart, tart, tart!
Stop! Don't you guys see? This is why we left. We couldn't stand the fighting and competing.
We don't want to choose sides. So maybe from now on, we should just spend Thanksgiving by ourselves.
[The Louds and Casagrandes all feel guilty]
Well, nobody wants that.
We certainly don't.
Lori, Bobby, I'm sorry we've been acting so childishly.
We're sorry too, it's just so hard to let go of your kids. [to the Casagrandes] You know what? You should get Lori and Bobby for Thanksgiving.
Well, goodness knows we haven't done anything to deserve that. They should spend it with you.
Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just rotate every year, huh? Much like the juicy hot dogs I'm selling at a mere 40% markup. Holiday discount.
Works for us.
[They all agree and engage in a big group hug.]
I'm glad we figured out future years, but what about right now? I'm starving!
Well, we've got hot dogs and sunflower seeds and 20 kinds of artisanal jerky. Maybe we could throw a dinner together here.
I'm game.
Me too.
We could make this place look festive. I think I have some leftover decorations in the car.
I'll help you.
(Luan wakes up)
(excitedly to her still sleeping dummy) Good morning, Mr. Coconuts!
Wow! You're extra chipper today. What's the occasion, doll?
(Looks at the calendar next to her bed.) Today is my first official date with Benny, remember?
Oh, wright, correct. Why could you not forget?
(Luan gets her prop box)
What should I wear? (puts on her glasses) Maybe these gag glasses? Always a classic. (puts on a hat) Or what about this mini top hat? (she looks at herself in a mirror and gasps, she sees a huge pimple on her face) Aaaaaaah!!! (she wraps herself in her covers)
Jeez, the hat doesn't look that bad.
No, look, I have a huge pimple. Oh, I can't let Benny see me like this. Oh, why didn't you say anything?
I didn't realize, and I can certainly see it now. Yowzers! (Picks up a banana and uses it as a phone) Hello, operator? Give me NASA! I just discovered a new planet!
Not helping, Mr. C.
(She takes off. Mr. Coconuts shrugs and follows. Luan lies down on Lori's bed)
Okay, take a deep breath. Pimples are literally no big deal. And plus, Benny should like you for who you are, not what you look like.
(Feeling better) Maybe you're right.
Good golly miss molly! That thing's a monster!
It is?
Monster? Where? Aw, it's just a zit. But man is it huge? (The siblings gasp and walk in) Can I pop it? Please? (Lori stops her from popping her pimple)
Uh, popping the beast will spread bacteria.
[In the middle of "Right Where We Belong":]
And did you know Royal Woods is also abundantly rich in copper, nickel, iron, platinum? Not to mention it's sitting on a very large oil deposit.
You could've mentioned that earlier!
[The Louds return home later that evening and enter through the kitchen as Lynn storms upstairs in frustration to her and Lucy's room after being heckled and criticized by Scoots]
I've never seen Lynn freeze up like that. I hope she doesn't take it too hard. [proven wrong when loud thundering is heard from upstairs; worriedly] Oh, no! She's rage-lifting again! And those sound like 50-pounders.
[imitating buzzer] Correction: 60-pounders.
Uh… I'll go talk to her.
[While the Louds are eating spaghetti and meatballs for dinner at the dining room table that evening…]
[impressed] Wow, that's your sixth plate tonight, honey. You must be feeling better.
Oh, yeah. Thanks to this guy. [points to her brother, with everyone looking at him] He helped me see that I shouldn't make such a big deal about having a critic. Everyone has 'em, especially you guys.
I think you mean everybody but me. [chuckles]
Well, no. You have that one judge who says your ribbon routine is weaksauce. Oh, wait, no, no, wait, no, no. Lame. No, no, wait. What was the word she used, Lincoln?
Uninspired.
Bingo. There it is. [Lola whimpers and sulks in disappointment] Relax. It's not just you. Lincoln pointed out that you all have a hater. Tell 'em.
Sure. Well, Luna, the Burnt Bean manager thinks her grandma's piccolo band is better than the Moon Goats. [Luna sulks in dismay; to Luan] Luan, one user thinks you're about as funny as a stubbed toe. [Luan sulks in sorrow; to his father] Dad, Mr. Grouse thinks you should stick to lasagnas. [to his mother] Mom, one reader said your advice ruined her life. [to Lisa] And Lisa, some scientists are really over Todd.
[Lynn Sr., Rita and Lisa all sulk in distress, one by one]
Knowing you guys all have critics sure made me feel better. Linky, can you pass the salt?
You betcha.
[Later, throughout the night… the Louds have trouble sleeping after Lincoln exposed their critics]
[mumbling] Over Todd.
[snorts] Uninspired.
[gnawing on her bed sheets] Piccolos…
[bolting out of bed] I ruined her life!
Stick to lasagna… [attempts to leave, but falls off the bed]
[Later that evening… The criticized Louds barge in as they return home, all incredibly outraged and chew Lincoln out from being hallucinated by their critics]
Why did you have to tell us about our haters, dude?
Now we're all freezing up!
Look, I'm sorry I told you guys about your critics. I was just trying to help Lynn.
[punches a hole in the front door; irately] Stinkoln! [opens the door and enters the house, grumbling]
[nervously] I hope that's a happy "Stinkoln."
Your dumb "cure" didn't cure me! Scoots heckled me some more and now I've got emu legs again! Wasn't even at a game, it was at the mall food court!
Lynn, why are you paying attention to Scoots? [to his family] Why are any of you paying attention to those people? It doesn't matter what they say.
It's easy for you to say! You don't have to deal with it!
You just go around ruining lives!
[They all leave the living room, annoyingly disgusted]
What a life-ruiner.
[to her husband after Lisa leaves the kitchen, carrying the orange vase, mistaking it for the orange juice] Have you noticed Lisa's been acting a little off this week?
[First flashback shows Lisa bumping into a side table and gets dizzy; Second flashback shows her walking and bumping into the rail at the bottom of the stairway]
Pardon me, Father. [third flashback shows her sitting on the stairs while stroking a skunk] Good boy, Cliff. Good boy.
[Zoom out to reveal Lincoln, Leni and Cliff on the opposite while reacting in horror]
Uh, Lisa, that's not Cliff.
[The skunk lets out a huge green gas, making them scream; end of flashbacks]
Yeah, she needs new glasses.
What the heck is going on in here?
[The Loud siblings all sigh, guilty]
We really messed up.
Yeah, after you guys left, we busted up the living room.
Then we tried to clean up but lost the furniture and ended up running all over town to get it back.
Hence our overactive eccrine glands, street name…
Sweatiness, we know. Look, I'm not jazzed about the cover-up, but at least you guys tried to make things right.
And this is a big family, mishaps come with the territory. It's the law of the Loud house.
Preach, Mother, preach.
Still, we're so sorry about the couch, dudes.
Maybe you should come see what's outside.
[After a series of flashbacks of the Loud siblings breaking the vase Lynn Sr. and Rita got on their wedding by giving them an increasing time of grounding…]
If Mom and Dad find out we broke the vase again, we'll definitely be grounded for the whole year.
Can't we just get rid of it?
[imitates buzzer] They'd noticed. In case you haven't heard, it was a wedding gift.
That vase has been nothing but a pox on this house.
Ugh! I wish Mom and Dad never got this heinous thing in the first place!
[to Lisa] Are you thinking what I am thinking?
To the lab!
[Two minutes later, the siblings are all gathered in Lisa and Lily's room]
Siblings, I figured out a way to save our collective gluteus maximi. A while back, I unlocked the secret of time travel. I swore to never use it again, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My plan is simple: I'll travel back to the day of Mom and Dad's wedding. There, I'll prevent our parental units from ever receiving the vase. In layman's terms, no vase, no grounding. Any questions?
[raises her hand] Yeah… I've got one, brain box. Won't removing the vase affect the fabric of the space-time continuum?
Actually, that is a highly perceptive question.
[nudges Lola] Eh?
And I am stunned, quite frankly, it came out of your mouth. [Lola nudges Lynn in return while giggling] But don't worry, I have done the requisite calculations. I found that swapping the vase with another gift -- in this case, a mundane, gently used toaster -- would have the least impact on the space-time continuum.
[shocked to see all her siblings in the back seats] How in Galileo's micrometer did you get here?!
We snuck into the back seat when you weren't looking. You have terrible peripheral vision.
We wanna help you with the mission.
And I'm not one to miss a party.
Fine… Since you're here, you can help me find the vase. But remember, it's crucial that we get it, swap it, and get out without being seen. Let's roll!
Well, it seems my hypothesis was correct. We've altered the course of history. [gulps in horror] I'm afraid… we don't exist!
[The other Loud siblings gasp in shock; End of Act 1, beginning Act 2]
What do you mean, "we don't exist?"
We altered the timeline and erased our own existence. In this timeline, Mom and Dad never had kids. Huh, the question is why... Perhaps there is someone who could help us fill in the blanks.
[Lincoln is inspecting a package that's been addressed to him as Lisa enters the living room, startling him]
Sibling? I'm discerning a heightened sense of anxiety. What's the prob?
[popping out from behind the couch; worried] Ronnie Anne sent me that package, so anything could pop out.
[First flashback shows Lincoln getting on with soiled diapers on his birthday; Second flashback shows him getting his face splattered with eggs in another on Christmas; Third flashback shows him getting attacked by Sergio when he pops out with a camera to take a picture]
Dang it! The Rumble's tonight and there's no way I can sing like this! What am I gonna… [hiccups] do?!
[gasps] I know what will cure those. An anti-hiccup elixir! [Luna gasps in excitement] Yeah, if only someone would invent one.
[hiccups, then groans] Come on, sibs, one of you has to know how to get rid of my… [hiccups and falls off the table] Please. You gotta help me.
Aw, Luna, you know we're hicc-up for it. But first thing's first… [to the other siblings] Everybody hurry and eat while she's down!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Loud House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
The Loud House · 632 quotes
