Lynn Sr quotes from The Loud House

Leni

Oh, hey Dad! Welcome home! Why the grumpy face?

Lynn Sr

Because I lost my family to those ding dang devices! We usually do stuff together! Now I can't even get you to look up when I come in the door. Can't you put those things down once in a while?

Lori

But Dad, we need them. Our lives literally depend on them.

Lori

It wasn't Cliff's fault, Dad. We threw out your ingredients. He must've got them out of the trash.

Lynn Sr.

What? Wh-why would you do that?

Luan

We didn't know they were yours.

Rita

Oh, your dad and I had to be apart for a month while he had mono.

Lynn Sr.

Those ding-dang karaoke mics were just dripping with germs.

Control your children! It is not safe to have Thanksgiving in this house!

Rita

Well, if you don't like it, you're welcome to leave! Not you, Bobby, you can stay.

That's what you want, isn't it? To steal our precious Roberto away from us!

Lynn Sr.

Oh, oh, like you haven't been trying to steal Lori from us! Well guess what, BUCKO, it's not gonna happen!

Lori

Guys, guys, please stop!

STAY OUT OF THIS!

Why would anybody want to spend Thanksgiving here gnawing on your dry bird?

Rita

The turgooseon is delicious. Maybe the problem is your lumpy gravy!

Did someone say gravy?

[bumps Gravybot into the wall] No. They don't deserve it.

AAH. SYSTEM MALFUNCTION! MALFUNCTION! [squirts gravy all over Frida's painting]

[gasps] My painting!

Lori

I'm sorry, Boo-Boo Bear, I know you were looking forward to having a real Thanksgiving this year.

Bobby

It's not all bad. I found this half-off turkey jerky.

Flip

Jumping jerky! Holy hot dogs!

Bobby

Whoa, how did you guys find us?

Tracking devices. [both look at each other]

Lynn Sr.

You left before trying my twice-baked tart.

They would prefer my flan.

Lynn Sr.

Flan, shman. Tart, tart, tart!

Bobby

Stop! Don't you guys see? This is why we left. We couldn't stand the fighting and competing.

Lori

We don't want to choose sides. So maybe from now on, we should just spend Thanksgiving by ourselves.

Well, nobody wants that.

Lynn Sr.

We certainly don't.

Lori, Bobby, I'm sorry we've been acting so childishly.

Rita

We're sorry too, it's just so hard to let go of your kids. [to the Casagrandes] You know what? You should get Lori and Bobby for Thanksgiving.

Well, goodness knows we haven't done anything to deserve that. They should spend it with you.

Flip

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just rotate every year, huh? Much like the juicy hot dogs I'm selling at a mere 40% markup. Holiday discount.

Bobby

Works for us.

I'm glad we figured out future years, but what about right now? I'm starving!

Bobby

Well, we've got hot dogs and sunflower seeds and 20 kinds of artisanal jerky. Maybe we could throw a dinner together here.

Lynn Sr.

I'm game.

Me too.

We could make this place look festive. I think I have some leftover decorations in the car.

Rita

I'll help you.

"Hey Dad, I've got an idea, why don't you let us take care of the promoting?" [The sisters smile.] "I'm sure we can come up with something."

"Yeah! We can help Daddy!"

Luan

"Of course, I'd be gland to do it!" [Giggles]

Lynn Sr.

[Relieved] "Ah, kids, thank you.

Rita

Oh, no. Sweetie, don't worry. We'll get you a new sundae. [knocks on the window] Uh, excuse me!

Luna

No dice, dudes, they close at 5:00 this week.

Lynn Sr.

[Annoyed] What? Huh, you think they'd advertise something like that.

Rita

[picks her up] Oh, poor baby. Let's get you home.

Lynn Sr.

Luana Banana, it's you?

Luan

(With a depression look on her face, holding a sandwich on a plate) Oh, hey Dad.

Lynn Sr.

Is that a Monteo Cristo sandwich, on brioche?

Luan

Awww! I messed it up! It's supposed to be on bread.

Lynn Sr.

No, brioche IS bread! It's French. Hey, what's the occasion? Wait, this isn't a trick sandwich is it?

Luan

(Sighs) No, we've picked electives in school, and I'm locked out with my top two choices. Advanced Punning, and To Hee Hee or Not To Hee Hee, Philosophical Joke in You, and now I'm stuck taking Intro into Cooking. And I can't imagine a more boring class.

Lynn Sr.

(Eating Luan's sandwich) Mmm-hmm, Mmm-hmm, and I can't imagine a more delicious sandwich! Luan, you have some real talent!

Luan

Really? I don't know much about food. Comedy is more a bread and butter! (Giggles) Get it?

Luan

Lock down the house! Call the cops! File a missing persons report! Mr. Coconuts is officially MIA!

Lynn Sr.

Oh, honey relax. Mr. Coconuts is fine! ...Yeah, I put him into storage.

Luan

Huh? Wait! Why would you do that?!

Lynn Sr.

Luan, when I decided to dedicate my life to food, I didn't touch a cowbell for months! Comedy can wait. You need to focus on cooking if you're going to take over the restaurant.

Luan

Dad...

Lynn Sr.

Of course, first, you're gonna have to attend the Culinary Institute of Michigan, but someone with your talent should breeze right through.

Luan

DAD...!!!

Lynn Sr.

After that, it's on to an apprenticeship. Maybe you can go somewhere fun like Paris. Oh! Or Kansas City! I heard they're doing great stuff with ribs down there.

Lynn Sr.

But after that, you can take over --

Luan

I'M NOT TAKING OVER THE RESTAURANT!!!

Lynn Sr.

I can't believe our little Lori Lou is buying her very own car for college! (Inhales) It seems like just yesterday you were tootling around on your trike, diaper filled in the brim. (He begins to cry)

Lori

(Stops her father) Aww Dad, stop! Seriously, people are looking.

Rita

Now remember, sweetie, all you need is something sensible that will get you back in forth from school.

Lynn Sr.

Because you're coming home every weekend, right?

Lori

OMgosh! (She and Leni run to something amazing) That is literally the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen!

Leni

Hmm, he's cute, but kind of a weird dancer. (Copies the moves as a balloon man)

Lori

(Giggles) No, not that! (Gestures to a blue car) That!

[on footage; disgruntled] Ugh. Just a rehash of her ribbon dance of the Little Miss Miss Thing Pageant. Excuse me while I yawn.

Lynn Sr.

[on footage] Oh, boy. Where's the ding-dang-darn erase button?!

Okay, so maybe Lola has a critic, too. How's that supposed to help me?

I thought you might say that. What if I could show that it's not just Lola, it's everyone in our family.

Fine. If it'll keep the emus out of my head, I'll give you a chance. But, if you're wrong, I get to give you 100 noogies.

[nervously] Is there any room for negotiation? [Lynn snorts while punching her fist] Okay, and we're moving on.

Ugh! This group sounds worse than my grandma's piccolo band. And you call that foam?

Rita

[impressed] Wow, that's your sixth plate tonight, honey. You must be feeling better.

Oh, yeah. Thanks to this guy. [points to her brother, with everyone looking at him] He helped me see that I shouldn't make such a big deal about having a critic. Everyone has 'em, especially you guys.

I think you mean everybody but me. [chuckles]

Well, no. You have that one judge who says your ribbon routine is weaksauce. Oh, wait, no, no, wait, no, no. Lame. No, no, wait. What was the word she used, Lincoln?

Uninspired.

Bingo. There it is. [Lola whimpers and sulks in disappointment] Relax. It's not just you. Lincoln pointed out that you all have a hater. Tell 'em.

Sure. Well, Luna, the Burnt Bean manager thinks her grandma's piccolo band is better than the Moon Goats. [Luna sulks in dismay; to Luan] Luan, one user thinks you're about as funny as a stubbed toe. [Luan sulks in sorrow; to his father] Dad, Mr. Grouse thinks you should stick to lasagnas. [to his mother] Mom, one reader said your advice ruined her life. [to Lisa] And Lisa, some scientists are really over Todd.

Knowing you guys all have critics sure made me feel better. Linky, can you pass the salt?

You betcha.

[mumbling] Over Todd.

[snorts] Uninspired.

Luna

[gnawing on her bed sheets] Piccolos…

Rita

[bolting out of bed] I ruined her life!

Lynn Sr.

Stick to lasagna… [attempts to leave, but falls off the bed]

Luna

Why did you have to tell us about our haters, dude?

Now we're all freezing up!

Look, I'm sorry I told you guys about your critics. I was just trying to help Lynn.

[punches a hole in the front door; irately] Stinkoln! [opens the door and enters the house, grumbling]

[nervously] I hope that's a happy "Stinkoln."

Your dumb "cure" didn't cure me! Scoots heckled me some more and now I've got emu legs again! Wasn't even at a game, it was at the mall food court!

Lynn, why are you paying attention to Scoots? [to his family] Why are any of you paying attention to those people? It doesn't matter what they say.

It's easy for you to say! You don't have to deal with it!

You just go around ruining lives!

Lynn Sr.

What a life-ruiner.

[surprised] Dude, that Chandler's a real jerk.

Yeah, he is. But he doesn't bother me, and that's the whole point. I mean, at first he really got to me, but the more I ignored him, the easier it got. Plus, why should I care what he has to say? I'm doing what I love. And that's all that matters.

Rita

And if you can handle Chandler, I think we can handle our critics. Right, everyone?

Luna

Totally.

Lynn Sr.

Yeah, I guess so.

That’s not the song!

I was jamming out, taking the accordion for a little walk.

Jamming is for hippies. Now, let's pick up where we left off. (The Doo Dads are huddled together, shivering in fear of their new bandmate’s behavior)

Lynn Sr

Uh.

(gulps)