[reading] "Please do not send water. We have found that envelopes leak. Until the rains come, we ask that all citizens be celibate, except for Ulf the Umbrella King; he has suffered enough."
She promised me a pony. She swore I'd get a pony. She brings me a little paper bird on a stick from the circus, you know, the kind that you have to twirl around your head to get them to tweet.
Then she tells me if I'm a good girl, a really good girl, God will turn that paper bird into a real one. Which I believed, because, why would a mother lie? So every day I'm being very good and praying and looking for any sign of life, and becoming very attached to that ridiculous paper bird. So you can imagine my heartbreak when one morning I find it dead.
Well, let's just say you didn't want to park your car under their oak tree. No, Ingmar was different. His mother used to say he brought shame to the House of Hausenfeffershtuledunker. Anyway, you're all wondering where this story is going. So I'll skip the part where he ran up the stairs and down the stairs and up the stairs and down the stairs and up the stairs...
Sorry. The point is, it was shame that kept Aunt Katrina from loving slow Ingmar. And it ruined her life. Oh, don't let that happen to you, Sophia. Let go of the shame. So what if he was different? It's okay that you loved him.
[in tears] I did love him. He was my son. My little boy. But every time I saw him, I always wondered what I did, what I said, when was the day that I did whatever I did to make him the way he was.
There now, that's the spirit. [walks out of the room]
Rose
[getting out the award] It's about getting that dead woman's name off of this one. [she tightly clutches and hugs the award with a devious look on her face]
[to Blanche] Everybody who's come has been too young, too pretty, too thin, it's like you want to be surrounded by women who have absolutely no sex appeal.
[to Sophia] Let me tell you about a lesson I learned when I was a little girl in St. Olaf. If you hold a bird gently, the bird will stay, but if you squeeze the bird, his eyes will bug out. [Sophia stares at Rose blankly; Blanche, listening off to the side, looks pained] And Mr. Pet Shop Owner gets very huffy and he won't let you touch the birds anymore. And the mice, he won't even let you...
[hurrying over] ROOOOOOSE... what is eight times six? [Rose begins counting with her fingers.] Okay, now that we have a few minutes... I think Rose made two very good points. One, not all psychotics are dangerous; and two, honey, you have to let go. Dorothy's capable of making her own decisions. Does any of this make any sense to you, Sophia?
Yeah Blanche, so what? So life threw the dumb country girl a crumb for once. I mean, you're sexy and beautiful all the time. Let's face it, you have Bette Davis eyes and Freddy Krueger hands.
[on why she takes her job at the nursing home seriously] Have you ever seen what happens to a person when their brain is allowed to disintegrate and their minds turn completely to mush?
[Sophia and Dorothy both turn to look at Rose, who is examining her left hand]
The Golden Girls · 1,009 quotes
Rose
