The Golden Girls · Season 6, Episode 11
“Stand By Your Man” · Season 6, Episode 11
In this episode: Sophia Petrillo (6), Blanche Devereaux (4), Dorothy Zbornak (3), Rose Nylund (2), Ted (1)
[deceitfully posing Sophia as her grandmother] Having a chaperone is an old Southern tradition. Grammy brought me up since I was a child. She's the one who taught me how to put up peach preserves and make my own clothes.
We was po'.
Blanche, you didn't strike me as the type who needed a chaperone.
Well as I said, it's a tradition. We Southern families stick together.
We sho' do.
All right, WHO or WHAT ate the heel off of one of my new red pumps?!
[attempting to take the blame for Bingo] I did.
[posing as Blanche's grandmother] Well, mercy me! Looks like my little magnolia just turned into a big ho.
Now, let me get this right - dinner at your place tonight. What kind of girl do you think I am, and how could you tell so fast?
[on Rose and Bingo] Oh, great. We've gotta live with a sad-eyed, hyperactive nuisance with the intelligence of a squeaky toy. And now she's got a dog!
[to Dorothy] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
What favors?
[to Sophia] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
I don't owe you any favors!
Oh, really? "But officer, the little old lady was with me; she couldn't possibly have put that banana in your tailpipe!"
It'd be an honor to serve.
Rose, we have to talk. Now look, the food dish is overturned, there is a hole in the newspaper, the potted palm out in the hallway has been dug up. I cannot live like this!
Dorothy, please, please don't send me away, I'll try harder!
I'm talking about the dog.
Oh. In that case, I also saw him slip two twenties out of your purse.
Maybe you don't know the fun you can have with a pet. Have you ever actually had one?
Well, of course I had a pet. Remember, Ma, I was six years old and I wanted a pony?
Not the pony thing again!
She promised me a pony. She swore I'd get a pony. She brings me a little paper bird on a stick from the circus, you know, the kind that you have to twirl around your head to get them to tweet.
And that was your pet???
They're very clean!
Then she tells me if I'm a good girl, a really good girl, God will turn that paper bird into a real one. Which I believed, because, why would a mother lie? So every day I'm being very good and praying and looking for any sign of life, and becoming very attached to that ridiculous paper bird. So you can imagine my heartbreak when one morning I find it dead.
How does a paper bird die?
Good question! Someone used it to restart the pilot light.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
