The Big Bang Theory quotes

Sheldon

[Skyping with Amy] I've been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be, and I think...

Amy

I've been thinking about them, too, Sheldon. Being your girlfriend is so challenging. Emotionally, physically. I've been incredibly patient for years.

Sheldon

Strongly disagree. Go on.

Amy

Okay, well, this isn't easy to say because I love you. But I need some time to take a step back and reevaluate our situation.

Sheldon

Oh.

Amy

I hope you understand.

Sheldon

Okay.

Amy

Bye, Sheldon.

Sheldon

Well, Gollum, you're an expert on rings. [opens a drawer and takes out a box with an engagement ring inside] What do I do with this one?

Penny

So what package were you thinking?

Leonard

Well this one comes with music and flowers. Oh, and they even stream the whole thing live on the internet.

Penny

Why would we want that?

Leonard

Cause there's a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don't believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist? Let's give them hope.

Penny

Whatever. Put us on the internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.

Mary

Don't send it back yet. Your sister's married and I'm not letting your brother give my grandmother's ring to that whore he's dating.

Sheldon

Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?

Mary

When your idiot brother redeems mankind he can date whoever he wants.

Sheldon

The show must go on, and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.

Howard

Why are marine biologists always so cute?

I don't know, but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda Triangle.

Leonard

That's not helpful.

Howard

Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.

Leonard

Are you done?

Not yet, this is fun! Ooh, I know... I'd let her free my Willy.

Where are you going?

Leonard

Going to ask her if she'd be willing to talk to Penny. Tell her she has nothing to worry about.

Howard

Leonard wait.

Leonard

What?

Howard

I'd like to spongebob her squarepants.

Now we are done.

Howard

I bet he picked up a lot of cute grad students in this bad boy.

Sheldon

And talked about physics with them!

Howard

[Singing in the tune of “We Will Rock You”] We will, we will percussive shock you! [Leonard and Raj join in for the second chorus.] We will, we will percussive shock you!

Sheldon

I have an eidetic memory; sometimes it can be a curse.

Sheldon

Blue Icees and a trip to the container store? It's like I died and went to the postmortem neuron induced hallucination commonly mistaken as heaven.

Leonard

I still don't understand why you bought that pill caddy, you're a young man.

Sheldon

Age is a state of mind, Leonard. In here, I'm 90.

Sheldon

I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until that evil wizard gave him a heart.

Amy

I don't think that was the point of the movie.

Sheldon

Fine! I was like Pinocchio who that jerk Geppetto went and made him a real boy.

Amy

There you go.

Barry

Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.

Leonard

That's not why we're here.

Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.

Howard

And maybe a little Princess Bride.

Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride! That's my answer!

Sheldon

Excuse me, Barry?

Barry

Yes?

Sheldon

When can I stab one of my friends?

Barry

In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.

Sheldon

Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.

Barry

Be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you do this for me?

Leonard

Yes.

Sheldon

No chance.

Leonard

What are you doing?

Sheldon

He said be honest, so I was honest. Didn't your mother tell you? It's the best policy.

Howard

What was wrong with that guy?

Um, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.

Wil Wheaton

Hey Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.

Nice to meet you.

Sheldon

Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much. It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life journey began in my hero's scrotum.

Wil Wheaton

[quietly aside to Adam Nimoy] I told you this guy is gold.

Sheldon

[bringing out each item] My passport. My Wil.

Leonard

You have a will?

Sheldon

Yeah, my one-eighteenth scale Wil Wheaton action figure. Yeah, I also have the other kind of will, and in it, I will my Wil back to Wil.

Leonard

Will Wil want it?

Wil Wheaton

Wil won't.