Some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.
S9 E8The Mystery Date Observation
If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?
DDave
Oh, you know how it is. We wanted different things. I wanted children, and she wanted a pastry chef named Jean-Philippe.
Oh, I'm, I'm so sorry.
DDave
Ah, that's fine. That's why I left England. It reminded me too much of her - cold, gloomy and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.
S9 E9The Platonic Permutation
If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable, a list would be at the top of that list.
I excel at many things, but getting over you isn't one of them. It's best we stay friends.
S9 E10The Earworm Reverberation
[Sheldon and Leonard are working on calculations. Sheldon hums the beginning of Darlin']
Since when do you hum songs?
What are you talking about?
You were just humming.
Are you sure? Sometimes when my brain really gets moving it makes noise.
How does your brain feel about calculating the surface tension of the domain walls?
Let's see... [starts humming again] Hey! I was humming. One point for Hufflepuff.
He spent an entire date talking about how much he loves Sheldon.
It's nothing Sheldon hasn't done before.
S9 E11The Opening Night Excitation
[Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are trying to buy tickets for the opening night of Star Wars]
The website's frozen. I can't get in.
Same here.
RRaj
Guys, they're going to sell out!
What are we gonna do?
Alright. This goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. [Kneels on the floor in a prayer stance] Lord, this is Sheldon Cooper. You're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist...
Got them!
...and I will continue to do so!
I'm just... really nervous.
Why?
I've been waiting for this for so long. I've just built it up in my head. I don't know what to expect.
Neither do I. But... we can find out together.
S9 E12The Sales Call Sublimation
Good news gentlemen! Amy's at a conference this weekend, which means I'm available to be entertained. As today's youth might put it, who wants to get their Sheld-on?
Bernie and I are getting the house ready for the remodel. We could always use an extra pair of hands.
Yeah, that sounds awful. Raj?
RRaj
I've got time booked in the telescope room all weekend, scanning for rogue planets. You're more than welcome to join me.
That's the one to beat! Leonard?
Oh, if anything, I'm trying to get my Sheld-off.
Well then, it looks like we have a winner. Congratulations.
RRaj
Well, I should warn you, it's just looking at data for hours and hours on a computer screen.
Stop selling it kid, you won.
Too busy to call? He wasn't too busy to binge-watch Hot in Cleveland with my Hulu password!
S9 E13The Empathy Optimization
Hey, so I saw a movie trailer the other day, How could Batman possibly fight Superman? Isn't that dumb!
Maybe he uses kryptonite.
EEmily
Well, Batman's got a lot of money; maybe he builds a suit that can do everything Superman can do.
No, no, no, no, no, I've seen that movie. It's called Iron Man.
[the guys are stupefied]
What is happening?
I don't know.
RRaj
But it's beautiful.
How's Ben Affleck as Batman?
EEmily
Oh, he was great in Shakespeare in Love.
Ooh, we should watch that next girls' night.
We could do a double feature with the Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo and Juliet.
Oh, I love me some Leo.
And it's gone.
Hi Sheldon, what's new?
My friends are jerks and I'm mad at all of them.
I said "what's new," but sure...
S9 E14The Meemaw Materialization
You know, the last time I got a handwritten letter was from someone who told me I parked like a blind person.
That someone has a name.
Thank you.
MMeemaw
No wine for me. Sheldon's bringing me my whiskey.
There you go, Meemaw. I made it just how you like it. A lot, in a glass.
S9 E15The Valentino Submergence
RRaj
You say it like it's easy! Has any one of you ever broken up with anyone?
No.
Not really.
You know, once I ordered an Uber by accident, and I just got in and went somewhere.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.