Wil Wheaton quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon

[after winning a card game match in a tournament] Now fetch me Wil Wheaton! [he looks at where Wil Wheaton and Stuart are playing their own match] bortaS bIr jablu'DI' reH QaQqu' nay'

Wil Wheaton

Did that guy just say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold' in Klingon?

Stuart

I believe so.

Wil Wheaton

What is wrong with him?

Stuart

Everyone has a different theory.

Sheldon

Attention all bowlers! I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch! [holds up a bowling shirt that reads "Wesley Crushers"]

Penny

The Wesley Crushers?

Sheldon

No, not the Wesley Crushers, the Wesley Crushers.

Penny

I don't get it.

Leonard

Wesley Crusher was Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.

Penny

Still don't get it.

Sheldon

It's a blindingly clever play on words. By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, we imply that we will be the crushers of Wesley.

Penny

OK, I'm sorry honey, but the "Wesley Crushers" sounds like a bunch of people who like Wesley Crusher.

Sheldon

No! Again, it's not the Wesley Crushers, it's the Wesley Crushers.

Howard

If you wanted to mean you're crushing Wesley, it'd be the Wesley Crushers.

Sheldon

Do you people even hear yourselves? It's not the Wesley Crushers, it's not the Wesley Crushers, it's the Wesley Crushers!

Wil Wheaton

[enters with his bowling team] Hey look! They named their team after me!

Sheldon

You've already signed something for me, Brent Spiner--your name on my list. From this moment on you are my mortal enemy!

Wil Wheaton

Don't worry, it doesn't take up a whole lotta your time.

Anybody else? Huh? No? Okay! It all comes down to me, as the best man. [Stands up] Ooo, this grasshopper's kicking my ass-hopper. Okay okay, when I first came to this country, I, I didn't know how to behave, or how to dress, or what was school, I was pretty lonely. But, then I met Howard and suddenly my life changed, because, we could be lonely together. This man became my whole world!

Yeah, nice speech Francine! [Tucks some cash into his pants]

I'm not done but, thank you! I think back, to all the good times we had, like uh, when we went camping, and spent that night telling each other all our secrets.... I told him, I'm addicted to pedicures, and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin. [Everybody laughs]

Howard

She was my second cousin.

Sheldon

And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually. Bada-bazinga!

Oh, oh yeah, and then there was a time when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas and, and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish, and that she wanted his little Kosher pickle. [Everybody laughs again] Of all the Howard-humping-hooker stories, that was my favorite!

Howard

Okay, buddy! That's it. Sit down.

Oh, oh, what about that tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-con?

Howard

Don't remember. Please sit down.

The only threesome I've ever had in my whole life. And I'm proud to say it was with this man, right here! '[Everybody laughs]

Howard

Please, shut up.

Oh, oh, don't get me wrong. Nothing happened with me and Howard. There was about, 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us!

Wil Wheaton

Oh Internet, this is SO going all over you!.

Sheldon

[Laughs] Jeepers, I'm drunk! [Clinks his glass with Wheaton's]

Wil Wheaton

Sheldon, do you really think we're going to fight?

Sheldon

My fists are not up here because I'm milking a giant, invisible cow.

Wil Wheaton

Hey Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.

Nice to meet you.

Sheldon

Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much. It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life journey began in my hero's scrotum.

Wil Wheaton

[quietly aside to Adam Nimoy] I told you this guy is gold.

Sheldon

[bringing out each item] My passport. My Wil.

Leonard

You have a will?

Sheldon

Yeah, my one-eighteenth scale Wil Wheaton action figure. Yeah, I also have the other kind of will, and in it, I will my Wil back to Wil.

Leonard

Will Wil want it?

Wil Wheaton

Wil won't.