TV show quotes
Why a turtle?
After much deliberation, we've determined that a turtle is the ideal pet. They don't shed fur. They don't make noise.
For Halloween, we can dress him as a cobble stone.
And, if he ever goes beserk, I know I can out run him. Coincidentally that's also why I chose you as a roommate.
I'm exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D. Penicillin can't take this away.
Oh, man. This is the boutonnière from my high school prom. A piece of cake from my Bar Mitzvah.
Did she throw anything away?
No. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.
I don't think I've eaten that much in my entire life.
That's why my people wandered the desert for forty years. Took that long to walk it off.
What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I'll have fries with that. Because his education hasn't prepared him for a career in the sciences.
Ooh, you just chose champions. It's like we're re-enacting the ancient German practice of trial by combat.
It's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game of Thrones.
Leonard makes you watch that, too?
No, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.
Well, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this--
Agreed.
I was going to say "or," but why bother?
What are we doing? This is a fort. Let's sit on the floor.
Roughing it? Okay. [sits on floor. Gasps] Everything looks so big from down here. This must be how Leonard feels.
[singing] The itsy bitsy spider is not an insect at all. Because it has eight legs and two body parts.
That's pretty cool, Sheldon.
Thank you. Do either of you know Beyoncé? I’d love her to get behind it.
[knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [Sheldon opens the door, smirking, and she grins at him]
I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Yeah, I kind of want to do it again.
I don't recommend it, you'll be doing it the rest of your life.
Aren't you afraid of being blinded?
How would I be blinded?
At the end of the ceremony, all the students throw those pointy hats in the air. It's all pomp and circumstance until someone loses an eye.
I'll take my chances.
Fine. I wonder if they make "I told you so" cards in Braille.
Won't that void the warranty?
Sheldon, I have a masters degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for Apple Care. That pays for itself in the long run.
Interesting. You can believe that, but God filling an ark with animals two-by-two is nonsense.
What did they feed the lions, Mother?
The floating bodies of drowned sinners, of course.
When your mom gets back, I'm gonna need to apologize for the way I spoke to her.
Well, come on, she did kinda start it.
Doesn't matter. A good Christian would have turned the other cheek. On the other hand, a good Texan would have shot her, so I'll just split the difference.
Sheldon, do you understand the irony of your fixation on a man with super speed, while after five years, all I can get out of you is a distracted make-out session on a couch?
Irony's not really my strong suit.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
