A character in The Big Bang Theory
6th most-quoted character in The Big Bang Theory: in 107 of its 597 quotes
Most scenes with: Howard Wolowitz (66), Leonard Hofstadter (59), Sheldon Cooper (58)
[Looking at television] Ooh! it’s time for Babylon 5!
We don’t watch Babylon 5 in this apartment.
Why not?
Because no one likes Babylon 5.
I like it.
Me, too.
So do I.
There you go–three against one.
They don’t get a vote. It’s one against one. And according to the roommate agreement, all ties will be settled by me.
'[Sheldon reveals that Leonard betrayed both Raj and Howard's trust by sleeping with Raj's sister, Priya]
[getting up to leave] I don't believe it. This is a terrible betrayal of my trust.
No, no - would it help if I told you that I offered her my heart and that she kind of stomped on it?
... How hard did she stomp?
Very hard!
Okay, I'm good. [Sits back down]
Raj, I just want to say I'd never betray your trust. Unlike Leonard, I respect you.
Really? Was it out of respect that you didn't tell Raj about the time you dropped his iPhone in a urinal?
[horrified] DUDE, I PUT THAT THING ON MY FACE!
I think a more amusing violation of Raj's trust is when Howard convinced him that foreigners give presents to Americans on Thanksgiving.
Hey, I didn't see you giving back your Snoopy Snow-cone maker!
That was all a lie!? This year's gifts are already wrapped!
And as long as we're talking about betraying our friends, how about the month Sheldon spent grinding up insects and mixing them into Leonard's food?
[Leonard looks horrified]
Well, excuse me! That was not a betrayal. That was an experiment to determine at what concentration food starts tasting "mothy."
YOU PUT MOTHS IN MY FOOD!?!?!?
For science.
'Raj": I can't believe you kissed my sister with moth mouth!
Well, I can't believe you used Sheldon's toothbrush!
YOU USED MY TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!?!?!??!!?!??!
Not the brush part, just the little rubber thing to pick food from my teeth and massage my gums.
[Sheldon starts blinking furiously]
Whether you forgive me or not, I want you to have this
[Sheldon pulls a couch cushion out of a large bag]
You're giving me a couch cushion?
No, the cushion is merely symbolic. I'm giving you my spot on the couch.
[Everyone looks at him in shock]
[aghast] But... you love that spot!
No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater. It is the singular location in space around which revolves my entire universe... And now it's yours.
[Howard is speechless]
[crying] Oh my God, dude. Now you have to forgive him.
Who'd want to become "RatMan"?
Who wouldn't?!?! You could zip through a maze in nothing flat, uh, squeeze through really small holes, and shut down restaurants in a single bound! And the best part of it is, if I were RatMan, you could be my sidekick; "MouseBoy".
MouseBoy?
You don't like MouseBoy? How about "Kid Vermin"?
First of all, if we were going to have superpowers I would not be the sidekick; YOU'D be the sidekick.
RatMan is nobody's sidekick!
Leonard, settle this. Of the two of us, who's the obvious sidekick?
Yeah Leonard, who?
[long pause]
Twelve years after high school and I'm still at the nerd table.
[The guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'ah]
Water demon.
Ice dragon.
[victorious tone of voice] Lesser Warlord of Ka'ah!
Not so fast! Infinite Sheldon.
Infinite Sheldon?!
Yes, Infinite Sheldon defeats all other cards, and does not violate the rule against homemade cards because I made it at work.
Do you understand why people don't want to play with you?
No. Although it's a question I've been pondering since preschool.
[after Zack leaves] You know, for a bunch of guys who claim to have spent a lot of their life being bullied, you can be real jerks. Shame on all of you.
[after Penny closes the door] What the hell did I do?
[opening door back up] You laughed. [Raj immediately shuts up]
[the guys are reading responses to Sheldon's lecture]
I found another Tweet from a student at Sheldon's lecture: [from his phone] "Dr. Cooper has taken a relatively boring subject and managed to make it completely insufferable. Plus, he looks like a giant insect."
[Raj laughs]
Listen to this one: [from his phone] "Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?"
[Howard and Leonard laugh]
[while on a laptop] Ooh, somebody took pictures and uploaded them to their Flickr account.
[Howard and Leonard have a look on the laptop]
[amazed] Wow. How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time?
Apparently, if you're Sheldon, all you need to do is turn your back.
[Penny enters]
Hey, Leonard, is your wi-fi down? I can't get on.
Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It's now "Penny is a freeloader"…no spaces.
[typing on her phone] Thanks. What are you guys doing?
Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight [and] we're reading the reviews.
Oh, how'd he do?
Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.
That bad, huh?
[going to Penny with his phone] Read this woman's Tweet.
[reading from Leonard's phone] "Listening to Dr. Cooper's made me want to start cutting myself again."
Here's what I wonder about zombies. [The others groan] What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat? They can't starve to death, they're already dead.
[To Leonard] You take this one. I spent an hour last night on do how vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror.
Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other: Case Closed!
Yeah, OK, so zombies?
I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj, are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like in 28 Days if those zombies didn't eat, they starved.
You're thinking of 28 Days Later. 28 Days is when Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an undead state.
Hey, Raj, did you ever tell your sister about the time Sheldon got punched by Bill Gates?
Oh God, you're kidding!
[laughing] No. Gates gave a speech at the university. Sheldon went up to him afterwards and said "Maybe if you weren't so distracted by sick children in Africa you could have put a little more thought into Windows Vista."
[laughing at the memory] Bam! Right in the nose! Made me proud to own a PC.
[Leonard knocks on Todd Zarnecki's front door]
Who is it?
Your doom!
Don't say "Your doom". Who opens the door for their doom?
Good point. [to the door] Basket of puppies.
We should have never slept together. It's what ruins friendships.
You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
Raj, what are you doing?
I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends. Three sadly are dead.
[after scaring Sheldon with a Halloween prank]
I thought he would faint.
I thought he would pee himself.
Looks like everyone's a winner!
Congratulations, the Newcomb Medal...Oh, please. That's a scientific equivalent of a smiley face sticker on your homework.
Hey! I won a Newcomb Medal, too.
My point.
You got SIWI, huh? The voice wecognition on that thing is tewwible. Wook. [To SIRI] SIWI, can you wecommend a westewaunt?
I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westewaunt."
Wisten to me. Not westewaunt, "westewaunt."
I don't know what you mean by "not westewaunt, 'westewaunt.'"
See, totaw cwap. You suck, SIWI.
Hey, don't talk to her like that! She's a lady.
[scoffs] Weww, that "wady" took high-wes pictuwes of my junk wast night for Cwaigswist. Water!
Sheldon CooperJim Parsons · 398 quotes
Leonard HofstadterJohnny Galecki · 268 quotes
PennyKaley Cuoco · 206 quotes
Howard WolowitzSimon Helberg · 159 quotes
Amy Farrah FowlerMayim Bialik · 140 quotes
Bernadette RostenkowskiMelissa Rauch · 62 quotes
Stuart BloomKevin Sussman · 14 quotes
Wil WheatonWil Wheaton · 7 quotes
BarryJohn Ross Bowie · 6 quotes
ZackBrian Thomas Smith · 6 quotes
MaryLaurie Metcalf · 5 quotes
ArthurBob Newhart · 4 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
The Big Bang Theory · 597 quotes