A character in The Big Bang Theory
Played by Mayim Bialik
The Big Bang Theory · 597 quotes
5th most-quoted character in The Big Bang Theory: in 140 of its 597 quotes
Most scenes with: Sheldon Cooper (103), Penny (57), Leonard Hofstadter (33)
I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her PhD.
AmyIt's indeed admirable. Although, it is microbiology.
Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.
AmyI'll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Lite.
[Sheldon and Amy are talking in her apartment]
I was hoping she [Penny] might listen to you about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture.
AmyFor general educational purposes or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera?
Cholera is water-borne, you're mocking me.
AmyYes, I am.
Penny has dragged a chair in off the street whose unknown provenance jeopardizes the health and welfare of every resident of our building.
AmySheldon, just because you have a focus on cleanliness bordering on the psychotic doesn't mean I have to participate.
All right. Name your price.
Amy[thinks] Kiss me where I've never been kissed before.
…You mean like Salt Lake City?
[Leonard and Amy are sitting alone at their table at a wedding reception]
AmyWould you like to dance?
[depressed] No, thank you. I'm not really much of a dancer.
[long pause]
AmyNot exactly winning any trophies as a conversationalist either.
I'm sorry. The bride and groom seem happy.
AmyWhy shouldn't they be? They have a feverish night of socially approved copulation ahead of them. In some cultures, we'd stand outside of their bedroom cheering as they achieved orgasm.
That sounds like a late night, and I have work in the morning.
Amy[fed up] Leonard, you may not have noticed, but I am being a delight here. And you're not holding up your end of the evening.
I'm sorry. This wedding just reminds me of my kinda-sorta-girlfriend 9,000 miles away.
AmyI have a kinda-sorta-boyfriend who's playing with a model train right now, you don't hear me bitching about it.
AmyI don't understand. What difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
AmyMortal enemy? Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but you really have a mortal enemy?
In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
AmyI can stop pretending that some beautiful girl and her cute-in-the-right-light friend want to hang out with me.
Amy, we're really sorry.
Yeah, we feel awful.
AmyDon't. I'm be okay. You're not the first girls I thought were friends with me who ended up shunning me. It's like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school, and that semester abroad in Norway all over again.
Oh, come on, Amy.
AmyYou don't get it. [holding a piece of brain] Look at this brain.
[getting sick] I don't really want to.
AmyThis is us. Bernadette, you're the analytical, scientific left hemisphere. Penny, you're the creative, spontaneous right hemisphere. And where's Amy? [Lays the brain on a tray, picks up a tumor with a knife and holds it up] She's right here--the sad little tumor no one wants to go dress shopping with.
Amy, you're not a tumor. Penny, tell her she's not a tumor.
[Penny is throwing up in a garbage can]
I got a splinter.
AmyWhat do you want me to do about it?
Relationship agreement - Section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.
AmyI should've gotten a lawyer.
AmySheldon, what are you doing here?
The thought of you sitting in a darkened theatre with a character like Stuart is repellant. No offense Stuart!
None taken. Though, repellant, is kind of, kind of a strong word.
AmyUm... sorry this causes you discomfort but based on the currently established parameters of our relationship, I can put myself in any repellant situation I want.
Um...again...
Stuart please, you're being rude.
AmyAnything else?
I believe, I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.
AmyI'm listening.
With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.
AmyInteresting... Now try it without the quadruple negative.
You're being impossible!
AmyHi, Stuart.
Fine! Amy, will you be my girlfriend?
AmyYes!
Alright, that's enough about it. Sorry to interrupt. You two enjoy your date!
AmyJewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparent manip...[pulls out of the bag...] Ohhhhhh, it's a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! [Rushes to Penny] Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me.
[placing it on Amy's head] You look beautiful!
AmyOF COURSE I DO! I'M A PRINCESS AND THIS IS MY TIARA!
[She excitedly kisses Sheldon]
[to Penny] You're right, the tiara was too much.
AmyHang on, Doctor C. What's vexillology?
Vexillology is the study of flags.
AmyCool. I think I just learned something!
Did you have fun doing it?
AmyI'll say!
[Leonard walks into his apartment after his date with Penny]
[playing Bavarian music while dressed in lederhosen; alongside Amy, who is in a pretzel costume. Speaking directly to the camera] Guten tag, das Youtube! Ich bein ein Bavarian.
Amy Farrah FowlerUnd ich bein ein a pretzel.
Und dis is Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun-
Amy-With-
-Flags.
{Leonard slowly closes the door shut, walking away]
AmyAre we nervous, Dr. Cooper?
No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence... Does the locus coeruleus usually bleed that much?
AmyNo, but your thumb does.
Oh dear! [faints]
AmyYeah, YOU'RE a biologist.
All right, Sheldon, this craziness has gone on long enough. Please come home so I can cut your hair.
Penny, you're not trained, you're not licensed, and most importantly, you don't have access to my haircut records.
All right, honey, look. We've known each other for a long time now, right? I've taken you to Disneyland, I kicked a bully in the nuts for you, I sing you "Soft Kitty" when you're sick, you've even seen me naked once.
I'm sorry, what?
It's a long story. Anyway, Sheldon, I promise I know what I'm doing. Please let me cut your hair.
Amy, what do you think?
AmyThere's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim.
I must say, I was surprised you chose to spend our Date Night in your apartment. As I mentioned, the Pasadena City Council is debating longer crosswalk times, and later the Lego store is having a Midnight Madness Sale. You ask anyone, that's a hot date.
AmyTempting choices but, I have something special planned for tonight.
What can be more special than having an adequate amount of time to cross the street on your way to buy a tiny Lego Indiana Jones?
AmyWith our friends moving forward in their relationships, I have decided that we should make progress in ours as well.
Dear Lord! Two years ago we didn't even know each other. And now, I'm in your apartment after dark. How much faster can this thing go?
AmyI had a feeling you'd be reluctant which is why I'm going to dip into my neurobiological bag of tricks.
Oh! You brain monkeys kill me. Dip away!
AmyI've devised an experiment that I believe will increase your feelings for me, in an accelerated time frame.
Well, how do you propose to do that? I hope you're not thinking about some sort of LSD thought control. Because there's only one mind-expanding drug that this man enjoys, and that's called school.
AmyHuman beings form emotional attachments as they grow up. In your case, to your mother, superheroes, etc. I'm going to attempt an experiment that will get you to transfer those feelings to me.
Well, seems what's on the menu tonight is malarkey, with a big side of poppycock.
AmyWe'll see. Let's start with a little romantic dinner music, shall we? [turns on the music]
Super Mario Bros. theme?
AmyYes.
I see what you're doing. You're attempting to build on the work of Ebbinghaus by triggering an involuntary memory of me playing that game. Admittedly the happiest 600 hours of my childhood. But it won't work! [Starts to hum music.]
AmyMay I offer you something to drink?
You know I don't drink.
AmyNot even, strawberry Quik?
I love strawberry Quik. It's my favorite pink fluid. Narrowly beating out Pepto-Bismol.
AmyOh, I know. I think it will go nicely with what I have prepared for dinner.
Spaghetti with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it!
AmyJust like your mommy used to make.
Oh! Yummy yummy! We should do this more often. [Realizes something] Uh-oh! [Amy beams]
Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.
LOUDER!
They all got ordained! They're all going to marry us! It's adorable! You want to hear it come closer!
Please, guys. When I look at the two of you starting your lives together it fills… my heart… it fills my heart. Forget it, I need a minute.
All right. Howard and Bernadette. I know you two planned on getting married in a big fancy wedding, but when you're in love in doesn't matter where or how these things happen. It just matters that you have each other.
Hmm.
Problem?
No.
I think the Revered Hofstader is making an ironic connection between your statement about love and your rejection of his proposal in the bedroom.
Oh, grow up.
I didn't say it.
AmyThat's enough from the both of you!
Well, he started it.
AmyWell, I'm ending it! Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also wanted you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.
Thank you, Amy. Very touching. Howard and Bernadette. You are lucky enough to be best friends who love each other and that's the strongest kind of love because at its core it has kindness, patience and respect. Qualities that are hard to find in people these days.
Would you like some aloe vera? Cause you just got burned. All right, my turn. Howard. Bernadette. {Klingon}.
Sheldon! I told you no Klingon!
Fine, I'll do it in English. But it loses something. The need to find another human being has to share one's life has always puzzled me. Maybe because I am so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may you find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own. The Klingon would have made you cry.
I believe you two have prepared vows.
Howard Joel Wolowitz, like you this is going to be short and sweet. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be with you forever.
Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski.
SPEAK UP.
From now on she's the only one that can yell at me! Until I met you I couldn't imagine spending my life with just one person. And now I can't imagine spending one day of it without you.
By the power invested in us by the state of California...
..and the Klingon High Council...
..we now pronounce you husband and wife.
AmyHave I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
Every time you drink alcohol.
AmyYou know what's wonderful about the praying mantis? They devour their mate.
Your point being?
Amy[undoing her top button] Dessert is served.
[unfazed] I just had cobbler.
Amy[redoing her top button] You know what? I'm done with this.
[She gets up and starts to leave]
Where are you going?
AmyI'm leaving.
You can't leave. I need you.
Amy[stopped in her tracks] You do?
Yes. You're my ride.
AmySheldon, you either say something meaningful and from the heart, or you and I are done.
All right. [Offers her a seat] Please. [She sits down] Amy, when I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except...I know what kind of man I want to be.
AmySheldon...that was beautiful.
I should hope so. That's from the first Spider-Man movie.
AmyI'll take it.
Good. Now, I assume we're splitting the check?
Sheldon CooperJim Parsons · 398 quotes
Leonard HofstadterJohnny Galecki · 268 quotes
PennyKaley Cuoco · 206 quotes
Howard WolowitzSimon Helberg · 159 quotes
RRaj107 quotes
Bernadette RostenkowskiMelissa Rauch · 62 quotes
Stuart BloomKevin Sussman · 14 quotes
Wil WheatonWil Wheaton · 7 quotes
BarryJohn Ross Bowie · 6 quotes
ZackBrian Thomas Smith · 6 quotes
MaryLaurie Metcalf · 5 quotes
ArthurBob Newhart · 4 quotes
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