[SpongeBob sits quietly for a little while. He whistles the closing theme to himself to pass the time while noticing two customers eating their Krabby Patties and Squidward snoring. SpongeBob looks at the table and gasps when he sees a spot on it. He opens his face, grabs a cleaning spray and a rag and attempts to clean it.]
KMr. Krabs
[appears below the table] SpongeBob! What are you doing?!
Uh, I just spotted a spot.
KMr. Krabs
You can't work on your break, boy-o! Period! Remember the fines?
LALabor authority officer
[overhears it and gets real angry] I knew it! I've had my eye on you for years, Krabs! Oh, this violation is really gonna cost you! [looks through his list of fines given for the Krusty Krab] Hmm...
KMr. Krabs
[yelps] Oh, I can see we're gonna have to take drastic measures here.
Mr. Krabs! You're all better! Sorry I let you down. All I wanted was to be a good boss, just like you!
KMr. Krabs
Oh well, there is no need to get your sails in a twist about it boy. Nobody's just like me, especially you. Besides, you saved me months in that there body cast. If it weren't for the rage I felt watching you destroy me restaurant, I woulda never forced me body to heal so quickly!
Oh, so in a way, I’ve done good, huh?
KMr. Krabs
Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not even close! You were the worst boss ever! I’m gonna have to dock your pay for decades, just to cover all the damage you caused! [laughs and turns on fan as he walks away]
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks Mr. Krabs! [spins along with the fan] You're the best boss everrrrrr!!!!!
[The real Mr. Krabs, still without his shell, is going back into his house, trying to make sure no one sees him as he does so.]
KMr. Krabs
Haha! I made it! [suddenly, the lights turn on]
Ew, Daddy! [Pearl's friends are having a slumber party] You're naked and ruining my cheerleader's slumber party! [she covers her eyes, as Mr. Krabs screams and tries to cover himself]
PSPearl's friends
[cheerleading] Hey, hey, hey, Mr. K! We don't want to see your booty today!
[Mr. Krabs screams and runs upstairs and looks for something to wear.]
KMr. Krabs
Okay, I know that spare is in here somewhere. [rummages through his wardrobes and finds a shirt] Aha! [the shirt is too small] Ew, haven't worn this one in a while. Eh, well it'll just have to do. I'm coming, me precious Puff! [runs out the door, only to be spotted by Pearl and her friends again, who scream]
KMr. Krabs
[while knocking on the door] Barnacles! Open up, yo- you- Huh. Aha! [Mr. Krabs laughs and grunts while going through the mail slot. Then, he falls into a puddle. Mr. Krabs notices an open window and climbs towards it; muttering] Ugh, and I told him to check the windows, didn't I?
[on the phone] Patrick, you've gotta come over to Krabs' place. Someone's trying to break in! [Patrick mumbles] Uh, SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] SpongeBob SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] No, you're Patrick! [a realistic close-up of SpongeBob's face] Please hurry.
KMr. Krabs
[Mr. Krabs keeps climbing towards the window. Then, he notices Patrick jumping in puddles with his boots.] Huh? Patrick? What's that pink clown doing here? Eh, who cares? SpongeBob will never open the door for him.
[Patrick gets to the door] Beep, beep, [Patrick removes his boots] beep.
KMr. Krabs
Great horn spoon! How's he doing that?
[Patrick puts his butt through the mail slot while SpongeBob pulls from the other side of the door. They both crash into the wall.]
[laughs] Thank goodness you don't have any bones, buddy.
Nope, all blubber. [close-up on Patrick while he laughs]
KMr. Krabs
[angry along with the others in the mob] Puff! Your blasted lighthouse destroyed the whole town! [becomes sad] And me restaurant!
[shocked] My lighthouse?!
EMThe entire mob
What are you going to do about it?!
[puts on her headphones, turns on her radio, and starts rocking again] Talk to the fin! [The snails come out of the box, and rock with her as well as the episode ends]
KMr. Krabs
Oh, the Chum Bucket's the only place in town still selling chum, but I can't go crawling to Plankton for help. No, I won't. I got too much pride for that. [cuts to Mr. Krabs invading Plankton's trash can, looking for some chum] Oh, come on, there's gotta be some chum in here somewhere!
[comes out with a flashlight] Hello? [Mr. Krabs hides behind the trash can] Who's out there?
[comes out with a bat] All right, miscreant, come over here where I can destroy you! [swings the bat around, but gets crushed by it]
[Mr. Krabs attempts to escape, but Karen catches him.]
KPKaren & Plankton
Krabs??
What are you doing here? [crawls out from under his bat]
KMr. Krabs
Nothing, nothing! I, uh, [takes the shoe out of his mouth] lost my shoe! See? Found it. [laughs] Okay, bye. [his stomach growls loudly]
[suspiciously] Hold it. What's going on with you, Krabs? Your clothes are a mess and your stomach's making strange noises.
KMr. Krabs
[wears the shoe] What are you talking—I'm... [stammers until he gives in] Oh, fine! [throws away the shoe] I'm hooked on chum, okay?!
Say what?! [his skeleton falls out in shock]
KMr. Krabs
Look at me now! Digging through garbage for scraps! [sobs uncontrollably]
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab, exhausted.]
[tired] For my buddy Patrick. [Patrick is shown eating a poster, holding a winner trophy] I did it, pal. I silenced every bell in town so that you will no longer have a tantrum, buddy.
Aww. [picks up SpongeBob] Thank you, best friend. [hugs SpongeBob]
KMr. Krabs
[injured, holding money] I don't care about bells ringing or conditioning customers anymore, 'cause I've got a million dollars! [laughs as he puts the money in the register. He then presses a button on the register in slow motion, causing it to ring; in slow motion] Uh-oh.
[Patrick drops SpongeBob and starts to have another tantrum, breaking the trophy, and kicking the tables and chairs. Mr. Krabs holds SpongeBob in front of him. Patrick bangs the register open, and starts ripping the money to shreds.]
KMr. Krabs
No no no no no no no!
HHerb
[he and Margie appear] Hello, son. We saw you fighting today.
MMargie
On the TV. We're so proud.
Oh, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Star. I know you are loving parents, but you really messed up your kids by ringing a bell whenever it was time for his bath.
MMargie
Bell? We never rang a bell.
[stops having a tantrum] You never rang a bell?
HHerb
No, don't you remember? We would squeeze your rubber duck.
HHerb
Yes. [holds up the rubber duck] This one.
[takes the rubber duck and holds it]
Aw, kinda gets you right in your heart's kitchen, doesn't it, Mr. Krabs?
KMr. Krabs
Well, I think I can tape it all back together. [close-up of a taped-up dollar bill]
Ducky. I wonder if it still quacks. [squeezes the duck, and it quacks, triggering another tantrum, breaking stuff off-screen]
[holding a jar of jellyfish jelly] Oh, here we go again! [laughs and runs after Patrick]
[The kid on the tricycle with the chimpanzee TV appears outside, and the camera irises out as the episode ends.]
[The episode starts at the Chum Bucket, of which the bucket's handle falls to the ground, and Plankton and Karen are come out of it with a hot air balloon shaped like a heart for a date.]
Ah, I'm floating on air! A balloon ride, a candle-light dinner, and our wedding song is playing! Oh, this day is perfect.
No, you're perfect, Karen. You're the best computer wife a copepod ever could have! [types on keyboard] Bon-bon? [he presses a button on the keyboard]
Oh, I shouldn't. [her computer screen turns into a woman eating a bon-bon]
Indulge yourself, my darling.
Thank you, Plankton. This is truly a date to remember.
Well, my love, you haven't seen anything yet. [comes back dressed as Ray Ray] For you, my love! [passes a rose to Karen using his tongue]
Oh, Ray Ray! [laughs and sniffs rose] Aah.
[combs hair] That's right, baby. Ray Ray is at your service. [shines teeth]
Ray Ray, you've got my cooling fans running on high. [grabs Plankton and knocks down table] Ha, ha. Get over here and give me some sugar! [as Plankton and Karen are about to kiss, Plankton sees Mr. Krabs down from above.]
KMr. Krabs
♪Do do do do do♪ [places the formula on top of his boat, and yawns and stretches] What a long day. [he gets in his boat as he leaves the formula behind]
[looks down at the formula; angelic singing] Uh... eh... ehh! AHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!
Hold that thought, baby. I uh- I forgot something down here. I'll be right back! [jumps off from the balloon and his clothes fall off] Can't believe this is really happening. [falls to the ground] The Krabby Patty secret formula is finally mine! Huh? [he goes through the formula; every time he touches it, his hand goes through the formula] Huh? Eh... [the formula disappears] Ehh! [looks for the formula] Hm, eh, ah, eh, eh! Is this some kind of horrible nightmare? What? [the scene cuts to inside the Chum Bucket to reveal that Plankton was on top of a green screen] A projector? You tricked me with a simulation?!
It was a test, Plankton! And you failed! You fail every time when it comes to our romance.
Right, so I goof up one time and now I'm the bad guy?
One time? Failed one time? [numbers show up on her screen] How about 4,700,000 and- [glitching] Error, er-er-error.
But baby cakes, I left to go get the Krabby Patty secret formula. For me... and you... You know... for us! [puts on a cute face] Ehhh?
Listen, Sheldon. You need to show me an interruption-free romantic date night because until that happens, no one is leaving the Chum Bucket. [presses an alarm that makes the Chum Bucket go on lockdown]
Aah! [a brick wall crushes the front doors as the Chum Bucket's glove grabs some tinfoil as it places it on top of the roof and puts a rubber band on it.; Karen grabs Plankton, and his Ray Ray clothes get put on] Oof!
You better not mess this one up, Ray Ray. [flicks Plankton off her hand]
Come on Krabs, there's gotta be some use of this stuff we can agree on![has an idea] Let's sell it to the military! Imagine... [imagines a thought bubble] fuel for flame throwers, lubricant for killer robots, bombs that smell like french fries! [chuckles]
KMr. Krabs
We'll use it to boost business at the Krusty Krab [imagines a thought bubble]: A flavorful new sandwich topping, a savory new milkshake, and a lovely new scent for the restrooms!
[blows the thought bubble with a flamethrower] Oh no! We're not using my grease to drive customers to your restaurant! [Mr. Krabs starts growling at him] Why I outta!
KMr. Krabs
Why, you! [they start fighting]
[takes and pours grease user a saucer into a bucket] Oh, gosh! I don't see why you need to find just one use for this stuff. I started using it for everything!
KPMr. Krabs and Plankton
[they stop fighting]
[A montage of him] Toothpaste, body wash, deodorant, shoe polish, all night face mask. Gary's breakfast, my own breakfast. It even cured my bursitis! What I mean is, if you can use it for anything, why not sell it for everything? [Mr. Krabs and Plankton's eyes turn into money signs]
KMr. Krabs
[reading along with his finger] Dr. Krabton's Miracle Everything Juice. Not bad.
EIEveryone inside
Eat him! Eat him!
[gets an idea] Ooh, I know! I'll try the soothing power of music... [gets out a ukulele with "Love" and a heart symbol written on it and starts playing a tune] Ohhh... [The ukulele strings break off as he uses the pick on a first try] Awww, rats! [The usage of "Awww" triggers the robot and causes him to eat SpongeBob, who falls inside and screams until he lands on his face. He gets his face up off the ground and looks around in confusion. Everyone is cheering upon his arrival]
KMr. Krabs
Yeah, yeah, good boy!
A surprise party... for me?!
[gets off from underneath SpongeBob and grunts] This isn't a party, you boob.
Well why did everyone cheer when I showed up?!
KMr. Krabs
Because with you, we can finally reach the emergency escape uvular! [Mr. Krabs points up to the uvular] Alright, let's try it again, people! [Everyone (including the Hook Fish, the goth fish, Mama Bass, Don the Whale, Fred, Tom, Sandy, Larry, Pearl, Mrs. Puff, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Mutton Chop, Officer Nancy, Patrick Star, The Vetenarian, Reg, Carl, Turtle Girl, Gale Doppler, Green Fish, A Cafeteria Lady, Popeye Fish, Male Mayor Fish, Female Mayor Fish, Lady Upturn, etc.) piles up again]
He can do it! He can do it!
[SpongeBob climbs up and stands on Patrick's back to grab the uvular. As he attempts to grab it, his arms are too short. Suddenly, a shaking sound is heard, implying something big. The height of the pile towers up, and SpongeBob tries again. He finally succeeds in grabbing the uvular and causes the robot to spin around and malfunction. A circular opening in the robot's butt is shown with everyone squished up inside. Everyone inside is freed and released into the sky as fireworks as Q.T.-π collapses. The fish from before are launched back onto the rollercoaster and cheer. Everyone else falls back onto the ground, while Squidward falls into the ice cream cart]
KMr. Krabs
We did it! We escaped!
[shown between Mr. Krabs' butt cheeks] And I got us sent to Glove World! for free. You're wel-come!
OKOld Klopnodian man
Greetings, stranger. [The man's sudden appearance freaks out Mr. Krabs, making him scream.] Welcome to my emporium of wonders. Can I interest you in a traditional Klopnodian Spladunker? [he pulls out an anvil covered in pink fur as a chicken is heard clucking] Or perhaps a lightly used Flooda? [he pulls out a sweater made out of sausages as a cow is heard mooing]
KMr. Krabs
No thanks, old timer. I just want me quarter. It seems to have hopped into your payphone here.
OKOld Klopnodian man
Oh, I see. Well, I have no power to retrieve your coin, but I can let you have the payphone. For the low, low price of... free.
KMr. Krabs
Free!? I'll take it!
OKOld Klopnodian man
But be warned, that payphone comes with a curse! [thunder roars and a woman screams]
KMr. Krabs
Really? How much does the curse cost?
OKOld Klopnodian man
What? No, the curse is free. It comes with the phone.
KMr. Krabs
Well, then, I'll take the curse too! [he picks up the payphone and leaves as he laughs]
OKOld Klopnodian man
Heed my Kapritzka! Beware the call of the porch! Beware it! Ah, forget it.
End of another 18-hour shift of misery.
KMr. Krabs
Oh, ahoy there! [closes the doors of the Krusty Krab and walks over to SpongeBob and Squidward] And what do you two have planned for this weekend?
I'm polishing Gary's shell! [SpongeBob's face turns into a polisher and he uses it on Squidward]
Well I'm going to a post-post-pre-modern unconstructivist dance performance! [dances as red, blue, and yellow lights flash quickly behind him]
KMr. Krabs
[narrows eyes] Uh, well, that's uh, fascinating...
KMr. Krabs
Hmm, a little off the beam. Hmm... Hmm, [holds two white paint buckets] I know! All she needs is a nice, shiny coat of paint. [tosses white paint onto the ship, turning it into a proper ship] [looking at sign on ship that says "S.S. SEA-SCRET FORMULA"] The S.S. Sea-cret Formula is ready to set sail... [pointing] as soon as you two drag her into the lagoon. [Mr. Krabs stands on the front of the ship as SpongeBob and Squidward use strings to pull the ship across the beach, where the beachgoers are watching them.] Mush!
SSSpongeBob and Squidward
[seeing giant shadow above] Huh?[They all get washed over by a giant wave, which miraculously sets the ship afloat. Mr. Krabs uses a hook to pull Squidward onto the ship, who gasps like a fish.]
[sitting in lounge chair] Well, at least this weekend isn't a total waste.
[sees Bubble Bass playing in the ocean, who laughs] Huh? [points ahead] Butt-berg, dead ahead!
KMr. Krabs
[gasps] Huh? [grabs onto steering wheel] Everyone, hold fast!
[climbing onto mast] Whoa! [screams and rings bell, Squidward raises his sunglasses and looks at SpongeBob. The ship's horn blows as Bubble Bass notices it approaching him.]
Great Neptune's nose hair! [Mr. Krabs screams, bumps into steering wheel, SpongeBob screams while ringing bell, causing the ship to tilt forwards and make Squidward bump into the register, Bubble Bass' butt scrapes the side of the ship, peeling off its exterior. Bubble Bass then stops and looks at the damage.] Hmm... [The ship begins to sink, and Squidward plays "Taps" on his clarinet.] [waving dollar] One double Krabby Patty, please. [Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into dollar bills as he fully sinks. SpongeBob gives Bubble Bass his patty, who eats it and paddles away. Squidward finally fully sinks into the ocean. The scene fades to an open shot of the lagoon at sunset, as a woman shuts the door to a tiki booth and walks off. The scene fades to near the Goo Lagoon sign, where the screen darkens as the sun sets. Bubbles form on the surface of the lagoon, and the ship emerges, which is being held by the wise kraken.]
WKWise kraken
[roars, goes back to normal] Give me all the Krabby Patties you got, kid. Oh, I'm so hungry, I could eat at the Chum Bucket and like it. Boy, I'll tell you-- [camera irises out on ship, SpongeBob gags, Squidward sighs] Oh, boy.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
