Scenes with Mr. Krabs 250
[Mr. Krabs is bathing in a tub of money in the restaurant. SpongeBob and Sandy enter the restaurant and sulk over to Mr. Krabs]
Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs gasps and hides in the tub] I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse! [cries a fountain of tears and spray them all over the restaurant, which hits Mr. Krabs]
[Sandy gets drenched on by the tears and activates the windshield wipers on her helmet]
KMr. Krabs
[plugs SpongeBob's mouth with a cork] Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I? [pushes the button on the table Fred is eating on and it flips over showing a shopping cart containing the real Krabby Patty ingredients]
So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse?
KMr. Krabs
No apocalypse.
I saved the world! [laughs and dances around the restaurant while Sandy glares angrily at Mr. Krabs] No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse!
KMr. Krabs
Let's not go too far.
[rolls up her sleeves] You mean you sent my best friend on a dangerous wild goose chase just so you could go shopping?! [backs Mr. Krabs into his office] Excuse us, SpongeBob. [closes the door while wearing her karate glove] This is for my tail!
KMr. Krabs
Wait, Sandy, I was—
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard. Mr. Krabs ends up crashing into the door, buttocks first] This is for almost getting us killed!
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard again. This time, head first at the door, and comes out with a bag of money as compensation for Sandy's submarine] And this is for my submarine, Matilda! [Mr. Krabs comes out and is completely beaten up. She kicks the plank Mr. Krabs is standing on] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs and sends him flying through the roof]
KMr. Krabs
Well, I guess I had that coming.
[Meanwhile, at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is fixing up a batch of Krabby Patties with the fake ingredients]
Can you believe it, Karen? After all these years, the secret ingredients are finally here! And the final ingredient: ghost dandruff! [pulls out a bucket of ghost dandruff from the bag]
[backs away] I wouldn't add that last one...
[adds ghost dandruff to the batch] Ha, ha! I can't wait to see the look on Krabs' face! [stirs the fake ingredients all together. Then all of a sudden, the Chum Bucket explodes and sends Plankton flying in the sky. He screams until he sees Mr. Krabs] Krabs?
[Pearl is incredibly head of heels with her new boyfriend. She sighs and gently floats to the door, leaving a trail of dust that forms the word, "Swoon." Pearl's floating crashes through the front door and floats over to Mr. Krabs. She stops floating when she wakes up from her daydreaming.]
KMr. Krabs
Again? Come on, Pearly-girl, we're running low on doors here! [picks out a door from the closet and pastes it to the front door]
Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm just so excited about going to the big party tonight! I—I—I just had to...
KMr. Krabs
[cuts Pearl off] Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Sorry, sweetie. [puts on his hat] Daddy's going out to play cards with the boys tonight. [his teeth is full of cards, his spits them out, and puts them in his sleeve]
KMr. Krabs
No buts! I can't be worrying about you all night, honey.
KMr. Krabs
I know you're in here, Plankton. Where are you hiding?
[off-screen] I'm right here... [Mr. Krabs jumps out and sees the television on] at the Chum Bucket! Come on down and try our new Chum Nuggets.
KMr. Krabs
Heh. [turns off the television] Whew. [sees Plankton's shadow and gasps; he hides behind a pole; he looks and sees that is was only a cup with two straws] Oh. [chuckles] Just a—just a cup. [hallucinates when he sees the cup transform into Plankton. Plankton laughs evilly and Mr. Krabs becomes scared. Everywhere he looks, he sees everything transform into various images of Plankton, laughing evilly at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs to escape, but no matter how he attempts to escape, all of the images of Plankton keep following him while laughing evilly. Mr. Krabs crawls into a hole, which turns into Plankton's eyeball and reveals a red demonic version of Plankton holding the secret formula while laughing evilly. Back in reality, Mr. Krabs is completely losing himself and screams. He runs to the bathroom and goes to wash his face at the sink. He washes his face] Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself. [turns off the faucet and sighs] I'm starting to see things. [laughs. He hallucinates again as he is seeing his eyestalks transform into Plankton. He screams and gibbers. He runs up the pole with the formula and pops out from the ceiling]
KMr. Krabs
You and me are getting into that police department to get that formula back!
KMr. Krabs
[puts on a police officer outfit] By dressing like the po-po.
KMr. Krabs
[removes SpongeBob's hat with the club] No, no po-po—no job-o for you-o. Comprendo?
KMr. Krabs
First, we build a furnace to make the bottles.
[pulls out the molten glass from the furnace. She takes a deep breath and blows the glass into a shoe. She does it the second time and blows it into a human brain. She does it the third time and blows it into a sea shell. She does it the fourth time and makes it into the bottle she needed for her ship] Perfect and slick as a whistle. [blows in the bottle and makes a whistle; she shows the bottle to Mr. Krabs]
KMr. Krabs
Hmm. [takes out a hammer and smashes the bottle] Try again.
[growls in disgust. She makes another bottle and shows it to Mr. Krabs] Huh?
KMr. Krabs
[smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again.
:[makes another bottle and shows it to Mr. Krabs. This time, Mr. Krabs is on a swing] Huh?
KMr. Krabs
[smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle and smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle and smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [Sandy makes another bottle and smashes the bottle with the hammer] Try again. [She makes one more bottle and is breathing heavily in anger. Mr. Krabs holds out the hammer and goes to hit the bottle. Sandy cowers as he is going to strike at the bottle. This time, Mr. Krabs doesn't destroy it. He sees it as the perfect bottle for the model ship] Perfect!
KMr. Krabs
Now, we can start on the ship. [accidentally smashes her bottle with the hammer] Oh, wait, um, I wasn't supposed to break that one, was I?
[whimpers and is completely worn out] I feel like chewed-up twine. I'm going to bed. And you can forget about the prize money, 'cause the contest is tomorrow.
KMr. Krabs
[spits his soda out in surprise] Tomorrow?! [cries as his tears fill up his water helmet] Me prize money! Hey, mind if I take a crack at this ship bottle thing?
Knock yourself out. [closes the door]
KMr. Krabs
SpongeBob, zip it.
Oh, thanks. [zipping noise] You know not every friend will tell you when you- [Mr. Krabs clamps SpongeBob's mouth shut]
KMr. Krabs
[comes out from his office and is shocked to see a long line of starving animals. Squidward is slumped over the cash register, sound asleep and snoring softly. He yells in his face] Mr. Squidward!
[his face is blown straight into his hat. He takes his hat out and his face straightens out] Huh? Huh? What? Who?
KMr. Krabs
What's going on here? How long have these folk beasts been waiting to give me their money?
[who is standing at the front of the line, keels over and dies. His angel begins to float away, but he grabs the angel and pulls him back into his body. He sits up and gives a thumbs up] I'm okay.
[SpongeBob laughs as the cart falls through the floor. The Flying Dutchman leans over to hear. SpongeBob's laughter hits him hard again]
How can he still be laughing? I've never been so humiliated. I got to do something here.
Boy, Patrick, I wish all our friends could be here. They'd love this place! [laughs]
Friends! He's got friends. That's it! I know how to scare this guy. [laughs evilly as he unleashes his ghostly mist down from his ship into Bikini Bottom]
[gives candy to several trick-or-treaters] Happy Halloween! [the ghostly mist surrounds her and takes her soul from her body] What in Fort Worth...?
[Several trick-or-treaters run up to Mr. Krabs and Squidward, who are handing out candy]
TOTrick-Or-Treaters
Trick or treat!
[Suddenly, the Flying Dutchman's ghostly mist surrounds them and takes their souls from their bodies]
[The souls of Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are being lifted in the air by the ghostly mist]
[The trick-or-treaters laugh and throw eggs and toilet paper at Squidward and Mr. Krabs' motionless bodies. Mr. Krabs growls in anger. Back inside the Flying Dutchman's ship, SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the cart. Patrick is still afraid while SpongeBob continues to laugh, still thinking it's funny. SpongeBob stops laughing and sighs]
[her soul is in one of the Flying Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob! Patrick! Help me!!!
[laughs] That almost looks like Sandy! [laughs]
KMr. Krabs
[his and Plankton's souls are in two of the Flying Dutchman's cages] SpongeBob!
[his soul and Gary's are in two other cages] Help us!!!
[laughs] That almost looked like Mr. Krabs and Squidward and Gary and Plankton! [giggles] Funny! Oh, Patrick, this is hysterical! [laughs] Why aren't you laughing? [giggles until he notices Patrick's motionless body] Patrick, what's wrong with you?
[his soul suddenly appears in one of the Flying Dutchman's cages] Help me, SpongeBob! My body's butt itches!
Patrick, is this really happening? Hey, this isn't funny.
I was wrong, SpongeBob. Sometimes, scary equals scary!
[screams at Patrick's motionless body] Hm? [pulls out his chalkboard, erases the word "funny," and replaces it with "AHHH!"] Yup. I got the same answer. Scary equals "AHHHHH!!!".
Success! I knew that would get him!
[SpongeBob is finally convinced that scary doesn't equal funny at all and screams in terror. His skeleton tears itself out of his body and runs off. SpongeBob's skin and skeleton run out of the ship. SpongeBob's skeleton and skin fall to the ground and attempt to run]
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
That's the scariest thing I ever saw in my life!
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Me too! But we gotta go back.
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
Go back?! Are you nuts?!
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Show a little backbone! We gotta save our friends!
SSSpongeBob's Skeleton
Oh, you're right, but I'm still scared. Will you hold my hand?
SSSpongeBob's Skin
Deal! [they both go back together and SpongeBob heads back to rescue his friends]
Whoo-whee! Looks like Gary is cooking up some fun.
[Gary pushes the plateful of food on the window and rings the bell. The food falls onto Spot and Gary jumps out. Gary and Spot then go to eat their meal.]
It may not be pretty, but to a critter, chow is chow.
[Gary and Spot both eat all of the food until there's nothing left. Then they go to play around, leaving the Krusty Krab a big mess. At the very same moment, Marvin drives by, looking for Gary.]
MMarvin
Come out, come out. [gasps as he hears Gary in the Krusty Krab] Oh, there you are. [bursts through the front door and Gary and Spot stop playing; he slips on the floor, but gets up] Ha ha! I've got you this time. [slips on the Krabby Patty and falls on his face]
[Gary and Spot quickly run off to escape the animal control officer. Just then, Mr. Krabs comes in and is not very happy.]
MMarvin
[holds up his license, but is covered in tomato goo] Animal control, citizen. I'm hunting an errant snail.
KMr. Krabs
I don't give a sea fig about snails! You tripped me silent alarm! [points to an alarm bell with a mime face on it while making a faint tapping noise] Just look at this mess! [attacks Marvin with his claws] Take that, you varmint! [continues attacking Marvin] Take that!
[Gary and Spot escape the Krusty Krab while Mr. Krabs continues to attack Marvin.]
PPrisoners
Morning, Warden Krabs!
KMr. Krabs
Morning, prisoners! [gasps in horror as he sees the prisoners back in their cells] SpongeBob! What is going on here? I set all these criminals free last night! What are they doing back in their cells?!
Uh, Mr. Krabs, now's probably not the best time to— [Mr. Krabs shrinks back in fear]
[sits at a table eating her Krabby Patty] You know it's a crime to release prisoners early, don't ya? [eats her patty and approaches Mr. Krabs who realizes his error] You're going to prison, criminal. [handcuffs Mr. Krabs]
KMr. Krabs
What? Oh, well, that's not so bad. Pencil me in for a 3:30 massage, SpongeBob.
[takes Mr. Krabs away] Oh, you're not staying here. The Krusty Krab is full. We got a new prison just for you.
KMr. Krabs
[sadly] Oh no. Let me guess... [The scene changes to the Chum Bucket where Mr. Krabs is wearing his prison outfit and is placed in the same birdcage he used for Plankton. Mr. Krabs groans sadly]
Mealtime, prisoner! [laughs while throwing spoonfuls of raw chum in Mr. Krabs' face in an act of revenge for the all the painful torture he endured; Mr. Krabs cries in an agonizing defeat right before Plankton throws some chum into his mouth] Right in the mouth.
[Mr. Krabs knocks on the front door to SpongeBob's house.]
KMr. Krabs
SpongeBob! SpongeBob? SpongeBob? Are you okay in there? You catch the flu or something? Ugh. Are you at death's door? Because you know darn well they ain't valid excuses to miss work! [peeks through the window and finds to his shocking surprise that SpongeBob is slithering on the floor with his tongue like a snail; SpongeBob eats some food from Gary's food bowl] Ah! SpongeBob has gone full raving loony. [hears something] Uh-oh! [hides underground as Gary appears]
♪Meow—meow—meow—meow—meow—meow—meow. Meow—meow—meow—meow—meow—meow.♪ [enters the house]
[Mr. Krabs peeks through the window again. He sees SpongeBob rubbing his head against the chair while Gary's reading the paper. Gary pets SpongeBob and holds out a snail toy for him to play. SpongeBob plays the toy with his eye. Mr. Krabs gasps and drills himself inside through the floor.]
KMr. Krabs
What in the name of Neptune's nostrils is going on in here?! SpongeBob, you're acting like you're the pet and that darn snail is the owner!
[hits Mr. Krabs with the toy] Meow! Meow—meow—meow.
KMr. Krabs
[grabs the toy] Bad snail! Down boy! [gets attacked by SpongeBob] SpongeBob, what are you— [gets licked and pummeled by SpongeBob until he pushes him off and shakes him violently] Oh, snap out of it, SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob doesn't respond. Mr. Krabs pulls out a Krabby Patty, breaks it in half and puts it under SpongeBob's nose. SpongeBob smells the patty's scent and shakes himself back to normal, snapping himself out of the strange trance.]
KMr. Krabs
Have you completely lost your mind, boy-o? Snails ain't supposed to have arms and legs.
Aww, but Gary is so happy with his new limbs.
[Gary files his new arms.]
KMr. Krabs
Oh, is he? Well, it's time to cut this nonsense! [growls and goes to fight Gary] Ay! [growls at Gary viciously] Huh-hah! [leaps over to Gary and cuts the arms and legs, returning Gary back to his normal self]
[sniffs the severed limbs] Meow. [slithers over to his food bowl, removes SpongeBob's name and goes to eat his food]
[As SpongeBob actually makes it to the Krusty Krab on time as he is sleeping at the same time]
KMr. Krabs
Right on time! [turns to another sponge named SpongeTom while Squidward groans in defeat] Looks like I won't be needing you after all, SpongeTom.
SSpongeTom
[throws his spatula onto the ground] D'oh! [stomps away]
[SpongeBob rolls into the restaurant and crashes into the register boat. SpongeBob flies into the kitchen and kicks a plank, knocking over a barrel.]
[half awake] Good morning...
KMr. Krabs
And he don't buy nothin' else neither. He just makes that disgustin' condiment soup and listens to his radio, all for free. [Old Man Jenkins bangs on the radio to turn it on and sips on his "condiment soup"] And anytime someone says somethin' to him, it's always the same response...
Excuse me, could you turn the volume down on your soup?
Respect your elders! [hits Frankie Billy on the head]
Yes, sir! Sorry, sir! [runs off crying]
[SpongeBob and Squidward chase after the Mr. Krabs look-alike through random happenings. They chase him on the back of dinosaurs with human heads. Then they chase him through a black and white dimension. SpongeBob drops the patty, but picks it up. They continue to chase the Mr. Krabs look-alike until they finally manage to make it back to their normal dimension.]
SSSpongeBob and Squidward
[see the Krusty Krab] Huh?
It's the Krusty Krab! [he and Squidward enter the restaurant] Hey, Mr. Krabs, thanks for showing us the way out of RandomLand.
[The Mr. Krabs look-alike turns around and reveals himself that he is not Mr. Krabs, but an individual from RandomLand.]
RRodger
Excuse me, I'm not Krabs. The name is Rodger and I walked all the way from 86 Screwball Street to complain about never getting my delivery.
Oh, your delivery, my good man. [Rodger eats the patty with his eyestalk-like hat and smiles] Mission accomplished. Better late than never.
KMr. Krabs
[sobs] Better never! If it's late, [pulls down the menu and points to the delivery notice] it's free! [sobs uncontrollably, pushes the register button with the signs "No Sale" and gets pushed into the kitchen]
[The strange lady creature takes the Krusty Krab bag, blows in it, and pops it, turning the screen white. The worm crawls around as the screen turns black. It forms a second head on its tail and it smiles with the word, "End," appearing in its teeth, ending the episode.]
[Scene cuts to Larry's Gym, where Mr. Krabs arm-wrestles and defeats other tough fish like Reg and the Popeye fish. Plankton hops onto the table, in front of Mr. Krabs.]
KMr. Krabs
[dismisses Plankton] Boring. [shrugs] But whatevs.
[pretends to be in pain, clutching his hand] Oh no, not a hand cramp! Not now! [smugly] Luckily I have a last-minute substitution, standing by. [takes a deep breath and blows a whistle]
[The ground rumbles and the Chum Bucket glove punches a hole into Larry's Gym. The glove then flicks the tough fish away with his fingers and makes its way to the wrestling table, about to wrestle with Mr. Krabs. Scene cuts to Larry the Lobster holding the mallet to ring the bell, but he faints onto the bell causing it to ring. The match between Mr. Krabs and the glove begins, and he struggles to defeat the glove.]
KMr. Krabs
[groaning in pain] Eeeh – oh, oh – oh — [Plankton is seen with an evil grin on his face, while Mr. Krabs continues to struggle] Any... last... words?
[blows the whistle and the glove hoists Mr. Krabs up in the air] Just one... Sucker! [laughs maniacally while Mr. Krabs trembles in fear]
[The glove spins Mr. Krabs in the air and whacks him on the floor, causing a hole to form.]
KMr. Krabs
[regains consciousness] Huh –? [shadow forms above him] No, no, no, no, no, no —
[The other tough fish fall above Mr. Krabs as the glove gathers them all into the hole on the floor. Plankton hops on top of the glove.]
[raises arms in victory] Ta-daah! Let's give a big hand to the new champion! [applauds; then takes a deep breath and blows the whistle] Okay, move it, filthy fingers! [rides glove like a horse straight to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
