PatrickHey! [flips over box] Where's the toy?
Oh, it doesn't come with a toy.
Patrick
What!? That's a rip off! I want my money back!
[Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs taking a money bath]
[wakes up] Money back?! [walks out of office with towel wrapped around him] What's the problem here?
Patrick
My Kiddy meal didn't come with a toy!
Hmm. And you'd like to upgrade to the toy package is that right?
Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't have any toys.
Oh, really? [takes Krabby Patty away from customer] Then what do you call?... [fixes Krabby Patty] this? [The Krabby Patty now has eyes, legs, a mouth, and arms made from kitchen ingredients; Patrick and SpongeBob gasp]
An officially licensed Krusty Krab toy? [smiles]
Patrick
Uh, I'm not home right now! Please leave a message! Beeeep...
Patrick, it's me! SpongeBob! It's my turn to play with the toy!
Patrick
I can't go out! I just washed my hair!
You don't have any h-come out, Patrick! It's MY turn!
Patrick
Got any ID?
I have my milkshake dispenser operator license.
Patrick
[looks at it] Looks fake to me pal! Bye-Bye now!
Well, I guess I had best be going! [Pretends to walk away] I'm walking away...Here I go... [quietly] I'm gone now. [hides on Patrick's antenna]
Patrick
You sure?
Pretty sure.[Patrick comes out, he jumps at him] Hi, Patrick! Time to SHARE!
Patrick
DECEIVER! You didn't leave at all!
Oh, and you were washing your hair!?!
Patrick
I was too, see? [shows his armpit hair]
[Surprised] Gary was so right about you! You're a non-sharer!
Patrick
Gary said that? You're off my friend list, Gary!
Meow. [turns and slithers back into SpongeBob's house]
Hand it over, Patrick! I get to play with the Patty Pal today!
Patrick
You can't take it, It's not fair!
How about I take it for half a day?
Patrick
Mm-mm!
How about we trade off every hour?
Patrick
Mm-mm!
Patrick
Mm-mm!
Patrick
Mm-mm!
Patrick
Mm-mm!
Patrick
N-n-no!
Okay then, for our final offer we trade off every second!
[They pass Patty Pal back and fourth every second]
Patrick
One.
Patrick
One.
[Pause, Patrick runs off while SpongeBob tears himself angrily]
AVAST THERE, LADDIES! What's all this ruckerus about now?!
It's our Krabby Patty toy, Mr. Krabs! And Patrick ate it, so that I couldn't play with it!
Patrick
SpongeBob won't let me play with it!
Only because you hogged it all night!
Patrick
I did not!
Patrick
Nuh-uh!
Patrick
Tattletale!
Whoa, whoa, whoa there, now! Settle down! All this brawlin' is over a toy?! You two shouldn't let a little trinket get between youse! You should be ashamed of yourselves. If I gave each of ya another toy, would that make you happy?!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
...Yes.
Well, you're in luck! You two seem so thrilled with the toy, I had an entire case of 'em made!
[The episode opens with SpongeBob and Patrick running back and forth between their two houses across Squidward's yard and annoying him; Squidward, losing his temper, finally comes outside and stops them by slamming two suction cups in their faces]
[enraged] Stop playing IN MY YARD!
Oh, we're not playing in your yard, Squidward, we're playing in our yards! We're just using your yard as a walkway.
Patrick
No offense, but your yard gargles tartar sauce.
[angrily] Well, pick one and leave my yard out of it!
Patrick
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I'm good at choosing! Hmmmm... let's play in SpongeBob's yard! No! Patrick's! Errrr... SpongeBob! [sobs] I'm terrible at choosing! Squidward, you choose!
[carries Patrick to his yard] I choose Patrick to play in Patrick's yard and SpongeBob in SpongeBob's yard. [carries SpongeBob to his yard. He draws a rectangle around his house] And nobody in here! [leaves]
Patrick
Hey, SpongeBob! You're right on time for our play date!
...'cause you're my best friend...
...so beat it, tubby, I don't care for your company!
Well, Patrick, are you ready to have some fun?
Patrick
I don't know! [cries and runs home]
[walks into his house and looks in the mirror] That's weird. I wonder what's wrong with Patrick.
Don't you remember? We told that pink freak to beat it! In fact, we've already insulted all of your rotten friends, and no one will hang out with you, 'cause you have no friends left, Mr. LoserBob LonelyPants!
Hey, buddy, what are you cleaning for?
Patrick
‘Cause I'm expecting some very important company.
Patrick
My big sister, Sam!
Wow, I didn't know you had a sister!
Patrick
[the music stops abruptly as he drops the mop and starts to look sad] Nobody does. [starts tearing up] I lost her in the surf when we were kids.
Patrick
Sam took care of me when I was just nursing on coral. She was my rock! [sniffles; bursts into tears, sobbing in despair]
It's gonna be okay. You're gonna see her again today right today? Come on, cheer up, buddy. Hey, I'll make sure her visit here will be extra super special, no matter what!
Patrick
Thanks, man, you're right. I can't wait to make up for our lost years!
[Sam walks towards Patrick and SpongeBob. She is revealed to be large, incredibly muscular starfish, with large temper]
Patrick
Sam!
[grabs Patrick by the neck and breathes in his face] Brubber! [hugs him]
Patrick
Sis! [Sam starts hugging Patrick very tightly] It's so good to see you.
You. Sister Sam. Have much catch up to do. [accidentally catapults Patrick into his rock]
Patrick
Wow, you pack a wallop, sis. [introduces SpongeBob to Sam] Sam, this is my best friend SpongeBob.
Yeah, Patrick and I go back a long way. [both giggling] Yeah, long way, heh heh, go back.
[eyes bug out] Yellow square touch brubber! [grabs SpongeBob] Make sister Sam MAD! [launches SpongeBob in the air]
[Sam builds a new bigger house made of sand for Patrick. After finishing, she takes the antenna off of Patrick's rock and puts it onto a sand rock]
Patrick
Thanks, sis!
Sister Sam loves to make rock for brubber.
Well, make rock somewhere else. My house is full of sand.
If Big Nose no like sand, Big Nose move! [pushes Squidward's house away]
This is way beyond my property line. Hey, Patrick, that oaf makes a better bulldozer than a sister! [laughs] Construction humor.
No, no, don't be upset with Squidward. He doesn't mean it, don't you, Squidward?
Oh, I mean it, alright. She's a big buffoon, like Patrick. Except bigger, and dumber, and buffoonier. [Sam starts huffing]
[scared] Oh, Squidward, you jokester. [Sam keeps huffing]
Do you think she looks a little miffed?
[huffs angrily, then starts crying] Those boys mean! They pick on Sister Sam!
Patrick
Shame on you two! Look what you've done!
[Sam cries so hard that her tears fling Squidward and SpongeBob. Squidward falls face first into the sand and SpongeBob falls onto a seahorse-shoe toss pole]
TTuck
Golly-doo-diddley, Clem, that was a nice toss!
Weren't me, Tuck. My money's on the little missy over yonder.
Patrick
Aww, hey, sis, don't listen to those meanies. Hey, the new rock is looking kinda boring. What do you say we decorate it?
[sniffles and smiles] Blecorate?
Patrick
You can call it whatever you like, sis, just as long as we make it spiffy!
[Squidward empties sand out of head]
[walks up to Squidward's house] Make new house spiffy. [takes the window off of Squidward's house] Spiffy!
Hey, you can't do that! That's my window!
[puts the window onto the antenna on a sand rock and laughs] Blecorate.
Patrick
That's the spirit, sis!
Oh no, that's definitely not the spirit, Patrick. Your sister is out of control!
Patrick
Hey, ya just mind your own business and let us «blecorate» in peace!
You can blecor---- decorate until the sea cows come home for all I care, just do not use my property to do it! [takes off the antennae-window and stammers as he stops to look at something in shock]
[dismantles more part from Squidward's house and puts it on the sand rock] More spiffy!
But that's from... [looks at his somewhat horribly dismantled house] MY HOUSE! That's it! I have had my fill of this thieving brute!
Patrick
Well, how dare you call my sister a thief, just 'cause she took some of your things...
Easy now, gents, let's not let tempers flare. Now don't you think, Patrick, that it's a teensie bit unfair that sister Sam dismantled Squidward's house?
Patrick
No, I don't. Not even a teensie, eensie, teensie bit. I see now that not only have you turned against my sister, you've turned on your best friend as well! [cries]
It's not like that at all, Patrick. I was just-
[sees her brother crying] Shush! Meanies make brubber's eyes water! [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Meanies go home! [headbutts them to their homes]
Patrick
Come on, sis. They can't bother us under our rock.
Meanies is mean. [the sand rock closes]
[after stopping Squidward by throwing a bulldozer that destroys SpongeBob's house] That'll teach those meanies.
Patrick
You're still my rock, big sis.
[upset] Patrick, I think your sister's temper is getting out of control.
Patrick
[annoyed] SpongeBob, why are you still saying mean things about Sam?!
[still upset] She destroyed my house in a fit of rage! She needs to control her temper!
Patrick
[realizes] Well, I guess she can get a little carried away.
[angry and confused] What Patrick doing? Why Patrick talk to meanies?
Patrick
[nervously] Well, it's about your temper, Sam.
[furious] No have temper! This makes sister Sam SO MAD! Sister Sam put on mean face! [turns face around with an angrier face] Now smash brubber house! [picks up the sand rock]
Patrick
Not the rock! [jumps on the sand rock while Sam pummels it]
[slams the ground and yells in fury. Her regular face then sees Patrick hurt and unconscious. Sam realizes that her aggressive behavior causes her younger brother to get hurt] Patrick? Little brubber? Little brubber? Little brubber no wake!
Patrick? [takes out cookie dough]
Patrick
[sniffs it and eats it as he wakes up] Cookie dough!
Patrick okay! Sister Sam feel bad. Sorry she hurt Patrick. Should protect little brubber. She go now. [walks away]
Patrick
Sis, no, hold on! Aw, don't feel sad. You don't have to go!
Yes, Sister Sam must go. Late for manicure. [elephant trumpet sound is heard as a close-up of her fingernails is shown; hugs Patrick tightly again] Bye, brubber!
Patrick
Bye, sis.
[bus drives up and she punches another hole, but next to the door. The bus leaves]
Patrick
Gee, isn't my sister something?
Aww, she's something, alright! [laughs, ending the episode]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
