What's with the uniform, G.I. Joe? I thought you were off for the summer.
LiamYeah, aren't you supposed to be "at rest"?
At ease. And there is no ease for a soldier who's West Point bound. Debs, can you pass me the milk? Debs.
[Reading newspaper] Eighty cents. That's how much women make on the dollar compared to men. And if you're a woman of color, 65 cents. This is a sexist shit nugget of a country. Don't you forget that.
Oh, Debs! Thank God you're not working. Hey, I need a favor. I gotta take V to this nursery school tour. Can you watch the girls for like an hour? They can't come. Thanks.
Why are you speaking to me?
No. Why are you speaking to the only woman in the room, Kevin Ball? Why is childcare a woman's job? Let me tell you why. Did you know that the average American man works about 17.5 hours a week doing unpaid home labor? Cooking, cleaning. While women, however, spend about 28.4 hours a week. Now, considering the fact that the average American makes $26.82 an hour, that's $40,000 a year that women are not getting paid to cook, clean, and wipe baby asses.
[Scoffs] Come on, Franny, let's oppose patriarchal oppression.
Are you familiar with the saying; "sins of the father?
Liam
Think I've heard it at home.
Your father made a lot of Hopkins parents very... unhappy, and where there's unhappiness, there's often anger and retribution. The Committee for Diversity and Advancement who fund your scholarship, they have made some demands and, well, we've loved having you here, son.
Liam
Why are you speaking in past tense?
We see this as an opportunity for you. With the step up that we have given you, you can soar now, little bird.
Liam
I'm getting kicked out?
Liam
[Clutching side] I'm not feeling so good. Think I'm coming down with something.
Buddy, it's not happening. You're going to school. Go.
Liam
It's a waste of time. I'm not learning anything. Can you just homeschool me?
[To Xan] No coffee. Milk or juice.
Liam
All the famous people are homeschooled- Leonardo da Vinci, Abe Lincoln, Justin Bieber.
I don't see you painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel anytime soon, Biebs. Go.
...
Hey, Carl, how much longer those dogs gonna be dying down there?
Well, tell God to hurry the fuck up, all right? The whole house stinks.
I'm providing an essential service to below-the-poverty-line animal lovers while racking up on community service hours for my West Point application. It's a win-win.
Hey. Military service is for losers.
Spoken like a true patriot. And I'll be proud to protect your Constitutional right to be an asshole, Frank. What's with the outfit?
Got to hit the stump with Mo. Tomorrow's election day. We're fighting for the under-represented Caucasian male.
I think you're on the wrong side of history on this one.
Oh, I know Mo probably isn't gonna win.
But democracy's about fighting for what you believe is right. And rounding up as much campaign contribution cash as possible. Mo isn't taking money from lobbyists and corporate elites. Only small donations from the local citizenry.
'Cause nobody with any sense would want to support a pedophile.
Au contraire, fruit of my loins. No less a luminary than the president of these United States supported a candidate of questionable sexual history in regard to the chasing of underage tail.
How much you getting paid, Frank?
I take a small stipend, as is the custom for campaign managers.
Might not want to wear that shirt out of the house, Frank.
[Walking down hospital hall passing a woman in a wheelchair] Oh, look at that, someone got some pretty balloons!
MPMan pushing wheelchair
The hell?!
[To Liam handing him a stuffed bear] You can't visit the mentally ill empty-handed. Hey, Baxter, what's shaking?
That's because my Monica died!
BBaxter
I am so sorry, buddy!
Thanks, but it's gonna be okay! Got a new lady!
BBaxter
Hey, good for you!
[Starts moving around furniture] And by my calculations, she should be finishing up her 72 hours today. So my son and I are just gonna hunker down until she gets released.
BBaxter
Wait, this is Liam?!
BBaxter
Wow. Last time I saw you, you must have been two years old, just talking up a storm!
Liam
Oh, yeah?
BBaxter
Yeah. Hey, listen. I remember your mom's face just always lit up every time she saw you when she got released from here.
Liam
Sure it wasn't the Thorazine?
Hey, Baxter, could I get the, uh, remote?
[Gibbering man wheeled out door in wheelchair]
Liam
No, it's just some crazy dude. What's so special about this chick we're waiting for, anyway?
Well, son, it's a great gift in this life to know what you're good at. And, uh, I'm good at crazy. I'm a caretaker to it. Makes me feel needed. It's how I felt with your mother. Plus, it's never boring. Look at this. [Takes off shoe and sock showing burn scar on foot sole]
Liam
What the hell is that?
[Laughs] Monica. I was asleep. Decided she was gonna light me on fire, one body part at a time.
Liam
Why?
Hard to say with a crazy person. That's the thrill. You never know what you're gonna get, moment to moment. Thankfully, she passed out before she could torch the rest of my body. I'd given up trying to find excitement like that again, till now. I'm gonna get some more of those, um, fudge stripes, and then I'll tell you about the time Monica shattered my kneecap with a pool cue. It was the best sex of my life.
Hi, Carl! Hi, Liam! [To Kelly] Hi, stranger! Oh! Stranger danger!
You've met her before. This is Kelly. What the hell are you doing?
I'm throwing myself a little welcome-home party.
Wait, you're moving back in? She's back?
Liam
Guess so.
[Trying to shove an oversized roast still in its plastic wrapping] Try to get this fucking beef in the oven. You gotta get in there, beef! Get in there. [Kicks it] Oh, God. Just... gah.
[Fiona wakes up, uses Ford's tools to scratch her arm in a cast and gets into shower]
[Pulls open curtains and turns off water] We need our money back.
What the fuck?! What money?!
We've been giving you money for utilities that have not been getting paid. We need that money back.
[Sighs] Fine. Jesus! [Close curtains and turns water on]
The bills are under my name now. That water you're using? We're paying for that. [Fiona scoffs] So, until you repay us what we've been paying you for the last three months, plus your share of rent for the last three months, plus what it cost for me to get shit turned back on, I don't really feel like sharing my water with you.
Yeah, I'll tell you what... you take everything that I owe you from the last three months and subtract it from everything that you owe me for the last years. And when I've used all of the water that I am entitled to some time in, I don't know, then we can talk about who's even. [Shuts curtain and turns water on]
...
Liam
[Lip appears in jogging attire] What are you wearing?
Oh, Tami's mom died of cancer, so her family does a five-K thing every year.
Liam
You look sort of ridiculous.
Everybody looks ridiculous in running shorts.
Debbie! Turn my water on!
Hey, did you turn the water off on her?
Deb, she carried us for years... You can give her a break. Turn the water back on!
Once you pay us what you owe us.
I'm gonna get it to you. I just lost track... [Ford pounds on front door]
You owe Carl, Lip, and I; $832.
You don't see Carl going up to my shower, turning my water off!
[Ford continues poundings on front door]
If you had the month I had, you would have lost track, too.
[Mockingly] Ooh, my Irish boyfriend left me.
Go take a flying fuck on a rolling doughnut!
Go take a rolling fuck on a flying doughnut!
[Lets himself in house] Hello? I come in peace.
[Debbie grabs a knife and walks to Ford]
I just want my tools back.
My carpenter tools. They're missing.
Well, why would I know about that?
What, you think I just wandered on to your site and picked them up out of your truck or something?
Or maybe I came into your house in the middle of the night and I watched you sleep for an hour and then I just took them on my way out.
[Scoffs softly] Do you have them or not?
No. [Laughs] You egotistical fuck! I haven't thought about you in weeks!
We thought about you, though.
Guess I'll be going, then.
[Ford walks to his truck and Fiona follows] Yeah. Damn straight you'll be going, 'cause next time, I won't stop them from beating the shit out of you!
If my tools happen to turn up, let me know. That's how I make my living.
Oh, if they "happen to"... fuck you!
[Debbie walks into kitchen]
Nothing but junk mail. Rat shit in the attic. Fires in the dryer vent. These ads are terrifying. Carbon monoxide leaks from the furnace? Fiona always handled this shit. Should I be worried about these things?
[Pours herself cereal] Ah, homeowner stuff. Sucks to be an adult. [Pours out all milk and Liam stares at her] What? I'm eating for seven now.
Well, then all seven of you are gonna need to cough up cash if you're gonna be living here.
All right. I'm gonna do some therapy sessions on the phone this afternoon. I'll write you a check later.
...
[Comes in side door] Good morning, family one. Family two.
Why do you look like a farm animal?
Liam
Smell like one too.
Your father is gonna be the new Hobo Loco beverage spokesperson.
Now, I haven't won the competition yet, Ingy.
It's a delicious alcoholic beverage. They're looking for someone with no purpose in life. I finally found my calling. Soon I'll be able to support those I love. Oh, yeah. Wish me luck.
Oh, you go get 'em, my Hobo Loco tiger.
Good-bye, little Frank-ettes.
Liam
No, Frederick Douglass.
Author, orator, escaped slave.
Oh, you two studying him in your "being black" class?
Yep, we are up to The Civil War.
Liam
Reconstruction is next.
Have to cover the Emancipation Proclamation and the defeat of the slave-owning traitor Robert E. Lee at the hands of black soldiers who fought and died to save America for the white man.
I always thought Robert E. Lee was some sort of great general. Racist shithead.
Liam
But don't he have statues?
Statues all gotta come down.
Liam
Chitlins?
Liam
Really?
We gotta eat what our ancestors ate if we're gonna understand what they sacrificed for us.
[Liam walks to house and opens front door]
AAddie
Get that Cuban outta my house!
Addie! Don't be rude. You have a guest. She's harmless. Just Alzheimer's mixed with full-blown racism.
Liam
Hi, I'm Liam. I come in peace, ma'am.
AAddie
Liam? What kind of name is that? Guatemalan? Get his Guat ass outta here!
Sorry, maybe this isn't a good time for her.
MMaVar
It's me! MaVar! Your favorite great-nephew! [Laughs] What's up, little lady? Yeah! Hey, got you some doughnu- [Jerks doughnut box away as Addie reaches for it and hands it to Sue] Ah. There you go. Who's this little tyke?
Liam
I'm Liam. Monica's son.
Liam
She was the half-sister to Omar's cousin.
MMaVar
[Chuckles] You're Frank Gallagher's boy. Yeah, uh, listen. You're not welcome here, Liam. You gotta understand that Frank and Monica wronged this family 20 ways since Tuesday. I mean, sued Addie for a loose handrail on the porch; opened credit cards in all our names; stole our Chevy Malibu; made meth in the bathroom upstairs.
Liam
No, I get it. But I'm just the only black person in a house full of crackers. But that's not on you. Thank you for your time. [Laughs]
MMaVar
Hold up. A black man in need is a black man in need. [Sighs] I see you. And you need guidance. A Sherpa... someone like me.
Liam
Holla that.
MMaVar
Nope. That's- no holla. Never holla. Now, just sit your ass down.
Liam
Yes, sir.
Liam
[To Debbie at kitchen table] I thought you already had a job.
I do. Well, I did, but we're on strike. And when you're on strike, you don't get paid. So now, I'm looking for another job.
Liam
What's a strike?
An excuse not to work until management agrees to pay you more and work you less.
[Kicking beer bottles while entering kitchen with Freddie] Fսcking Frank.
But the Union still wants us to walk around for four hours a day with a sign, chanting shit.
Liam
[Referring to picket signs behind Debbie] Is that what those are for?
Yeah. [To Lip getting milk products out of fridge] Hi.
Liam
Hey, no more fake boob?
What? No, no, no. That thing really made an impression on people, huh?
Shameless · 903 quotes
