Ingrid quotes from Shameless

Ingrid

I'm just, um, reorganizing my books by years of publication whi- whi- while learning Italian. [Laughs and haltingly speaking Italian]

Frank

Neat. I- I heard a, uh- a big crash in here. Did something break?

Ingrid

Oh, no, no, no.

Frank

No?

Ingrid

No, I, uh- I made a snack over there, if-if that's to which you are referring.

Frank

Uh... maybe it's time for us to get some shuteye.

Ingrid

Oh, no, no, no, no. I c- I can't abandon my project. That is a fool's game. Winners finish projects.

Frank

Honey, do you feel all right?

Ingrid

You know, I made a savory snack. A nice big piece of Brie with some crackers. You want some?

Frank

Uh, I'm okay, but thanks.

Ingrid

[Picks up knife, lunges to Frank holding knife at his throat] Eat the Brie.

Debbie

Nothing but junk mail. Rat shit in the attic. Fires in the dryer vent. These ads are terrifying. Carbon monoxide leaks from the furnace? Fiona always handled this shit. Should I be worried about these things?

Ingrid

[Pours herself cereal] Ah, homeowner stuff. Sucks to be an adult. [Pours out all milk and Liam stares at her] What? I'm eating for seven now.

Debbie

Well, then all seven of you are gonna need to cough up cash if you're gonna be living here.

Ingrid

All right. I'm gonna do some therapy sessions on the phone this afternoon. I'll write you a check later.

Frank

[Comes in side door] Good morning, family one. Family two.

Debbie

Why do you look like a farm animal?

Liam

Smell like one too.

Ingrid

Your father is gonna be the new Hobo Loco beverage spokesperson.

Frank

Now, I haven't won the competition yet, Ingy.

Debbie

Hobo what-o?

Frank

It's a delicious alcoholic beverage. They're looking for someone with no purpose in life. I finally found my calling. Soon I'll be able to support those I love. Oh, yeah. Wish me luck.

Ingrid

Oh, you go get 'em, my Hobo Loco tiger.

Frank

Good-bye, little Frank-ettes.

[Comes down stairs to find Ingrid lying on back with legs on wall] Ingrid, where... Ingrid. Ingy.

Ingrid

What are you doing here?

Dr. Kwan called me. She told me you were pregnant. That's wonderful.

Ingrid

Wonderful? You never wanted me to have children because of my condition.

Well, now that you are pregnant, it's a beautiful miracle. Let's do this together.

Ingrid

What?! They're not even yours! They're Frank's!

Yes, but you just met him. You think he's really committed to having more kids?

Ingrid

Yes. Yes.

But I'm the one who's always been there for you, and I always will, so let's get you back on your meds and then we'll go for a checkup with Dr. Kwan.

Ingrid

You're trying to trick me. [Stands up] You're gonna get me on that exam table and then have Kwan just suck the embryos out of me!

No, I won't. I won't, I promise. We'll keep two. We'll have twins. Wouldn't that be great?

Ingrid

Twins?! Bullshit! You don't want my babies! Frank does! Frank loves me! He loves all six of my embryos! I have a phone patient now, so please go!

Okay, okay. [Sighs] I'll check back in later. [Walks away]

Ingrid

Hey, Debbie. Randy's wrong. Frank'll be committed to my six babies, right?

Debbie

[Scoffs] Not a chance.

Frank

Good morning, peaches and cream, number one girl. How's my six embryos today?

Ingrid

You mean George, Gordy, Glenn, Gladys, Gina, and Gabby Gallagher? We're pissed, Frank. We're pregnant and we're lonely and we're tired of hiding from Dr. Kwan in this dark rat cave basement.

Frank

The final's today.

Ingrid

I want you home now. I want you home now. I want you the fuck home now. Right now.

Frank

Well, yeah, sure, you... you want that, honey.

Ingrid

This is for the future of our children.

Frank

You can't ask me to quit now. You can't ask LeBron James not to play in the playoffs. I'll be home tonight, a winner, 50... [Ingrid hangs up in spite]

Ingrid

Motherfucker!

Frank

Ingy?

Mikey

Things a tad stressful with the little lady, Frank? Might be time to wash up and head home.

Frank

Nah. She was just calling to remind me to be humble when I win.

Mikey

I don't know. That sounded a lot like a woman wanting you to quit.

Frank

Probably should. I've quit many things in my life, Mikey... School, jobs, marriages, rehab several times. I am not quitting this. I am the Hobo Loco Mofo.