Donut quotes from Red vs Blue

Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got the Blue flag, they gave me my own color armor!

...Uh, hey Donut?

What?

Uh, about your armor...

What about it?

How do I put this? Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... Grif, you wanna help me out here?

It's pink! Your armor is freakin' pink!

How'd he get pink armor,anyway?

Don't ask, don't tell...

Look at it, it's not pink. It's like, uhhh, a lightish-red.

Guess what? They already have a color for lightish-red. You know what it's called? Pink!

I hate you guys...

Hell yeah! Three points, ya dirty whore! [Tex explodes]

Dios Mio NO! [Church runs off to go save Tex]

Uh, where's Lopez going?

Sarge

To fight the enemy head on. In hand to hand combat, mano a mano. What a brave little conpadray. Lopez, I never understood a word you said, but I do know one thing. You hated Grif, and that's the most important thing there is. Adios amigo, adios.

Shouldn't we help him?

Sarge

Nah, that would just ruin the moment.

Hey, he's taking the Jeep!

HELP, the Jeep is kidnapping me!

Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.

[looking through the sniper scope while standing on the upturned Warthog] Aw, crap. Hey, they got a guy fixing their tank.

Sarge

Impossible! Our intelligence clearly states that-

[interrupting] We have intelligence?!

Sarge

That the only soldiers in this canyon with mechanical training are that dead freelancer and Lopez- oh, wait a minute!

Sarge, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Lopez runs away, the jeep starts driving itself and suddenly there's a new guy on the blue team?

Sarge

Yes, Simmons I am. Why, obviously the blue team has constructed some kinda diabolical mind-control ray beam that they used on Lopez and now he has to do their evil blue bidding.

[jumping down from the jeep] Or, since he's a robot, maybe they just reprogrammed him.

Or maybe that blue guy who got killed by the tank has come back as a ghost and now he's possessing Lopez's body. That could also explain why Sarge went nuts when we had the prisoner, the blue ghost probably possessed him too. And the jeep going nuts was probably a weird set of coincidences while the guy learned how to use Lopez's body.

I think I like the ray beam idea better.

Yeah, rookie. Your idea sounds a little dumb.

Right. I know it was Tuesday, because that's the day I washed my underwear. And since I don't like to let my armor touch my bare skin, on the account of I chafe really easily, I remember thinkin', [turns towards the Warthog] "Where can I hang out with no pants on?"

[horrified] Oh God.

I can not take any more of this.

So after I clipped my toenails, I was gonna apply the ointment as recommended, but I don't know. It just smelled really funny. So, I decided to taste it, just to make sure it was safe.

That's it. I'm committing suicide. [Walks away]

Hey! I didn't finish retracing my steps yet. You don't even know what I did about the boil on my thigh.

Sarge

[commenting on Lopez's singing] Whats on the radio now? It sounds like the feral cry of a retarded mexican sasquach!

TURN IT OFF!! TURN IT OFF!! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!

Aw man, this rules! RULES!

This doesn't seem physically possible!

Sarge

Nonsense. Modern-day technology makes anything possible! It was as easy as Shake-'N-Bake!

And I helped!

Sarge

...actually Donut, I don't really know if snickering in the corner all night like a prepubescent monkey actually qualifies as help...but it sure was entertaining.

Donut, there's no way you can jump that high.

Yes I can. (jumps) (while jumping a second time) Yes I can.

What the hell is he doing?

Losing a bet.

Look, instead of just running straight in to enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?

You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo...

Sarge

No.

With a hidden spy camera...

No.

Inside a tiny spy bowtie...

No.

Or, I could wear a flower on my lapel...

Sarge

Said no.

That sprays water in people's faces, oh man...

Shut up Donut.

No- secret spy liquid, hahaha. That would be awesome!

No!

Maybe! ...Uh, I mean... noooooo.

Oh come on, I could be double-O Donut!

You mean like Doonut?

The license to thrill! Or be thrilled!

Sarge

Alright, since you're both so in to the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break in to their base, and report back on the double.

Great, more time alone with the idiot.

Grif, Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif. Let's pretend, we're wearing super-spy jetpacks!

(sighing) Huhhhhhhg...

No, no no no, like this- (jetpack whooshing noise) Phschewschhhhhhhhhhhwewwwww...

Hey, can you not stop that for two seconds?

Come on agent- (clears throat, resumes in a deeper voice) Come on, Agent Grif. We've got to hurry if we want to save the Princess from the evil goblin.

What Princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?

Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful Princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!

Donut, can you just go find some higher ground or something?

But we're on higher ground now.

Why don't you use your jetpack to go to the highest ground?

Good idea! I bet the blues won't think of that!

No, if they were that stupid, we probably would have won by now.

Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! Phschewshhhhhhhhhhh... (heads off)

I could just shoot him. No one would ever have to know. No one.

Okay, listen closely. Our biggest secrets is Wahigattatawagatagata.

Caboose, it's me Church. I've possessed this guy so we can... whew, hey, this pink armor is kinda' comfortable. Roomie. Sweet. What were you two guys talking about?

Oh... nothing.

.... Wanna braid each others hair?

I think this is what they call the calm before the storm?

I call it nap time. Which is right before food time. And then comes food-nap time! That is my favorite time of them all!

Private Doughnut... That sounds like Private Biscuit!

Yeah, it kinda' does...

Wow that guy is fast!

Thanks! I majored in track in high school; it was the least competitive sport I could find.

Track sucks.

YOU SUCK!

And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen. In which case, if I see you before you see me, look out!

So now we're forced to work together. How ironic.

No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other.

No. Ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.

Sarge

I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.

I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.

Okay. [slowly] We're all agreed that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we have to work together is odd in an unexpected way that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that?