Donut quotes from Red vs Blue

Uuuuugghhh...

Come on mister Blue guy, you gotta wake up, wake up!

It hurts...just let me die.

You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff, and not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.

I don't have treads, but I often find them staring at things they really shouldn't be.

You see? Boring stuff, like oppression and a hostile work environment!

Get Doc, I need Doc.

I can't, he got possessed by the evil guy and they escaped! He's the one who shot you, don't you remember?

I know, I want him to shoot me again.

Now, now, now. Sounds like someone's got a case of the poor me's. If you were gonna die, you would have done it by now! Maybe you just need to realize you're gonna to have to live with intense pain.

Get that Sarge guy. Have him make me a new body.

Ugh, we can't. We're out of parts because we overused that joke, and Sarge left with the others to go chase Doc. But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Simmons had a foolproof plan to catch 'em.

everybody in the division was paired with an AI and codenamed for a state

what was your code name Tex?

Nevada

One for each state? So there's fifty of you.

Forty-nine. Remember?

Ooh, yeah. That's right. Man, poor Florida. (Tex, Donut, and Tucker all stare at the ground and take a moment of silence) Sigh...

OK , Anyway.

Good luck everyone. I packed you all lunches for the trip.

Thanks Sheila, that was really nice of you.

Not really. All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid.

Don't forget to wash your exhaust pipe every day.

What's going on? Who are you people?

He has amnesia! Tucker! Don't worry. You are safe. We're the reds, we are your mortal enemies. Wait. That didn't sound right.

Tucker! Tucker! I am so glad you are alive.

Caboose? Still so dumb, but you look so different.

We're in the future! Things are very shiny here.

The future? Oh, I can't fucking wait to hear this one.

[proudly] Look what I found!

I found it!

[still proudly] Look at what I took credit for finding!

Hey Sarge, what's that metal thing that looks like a bunny? Ooh, ooh and what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can?

Sarge

Don't touch anything Donut!

Sarge

If you ladies are through gossiping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle!

Oh, yeah, right. Here, let me try. [Starts car]

Sarge

Wait!

Sarge

Donut, are you okay?

[sobbing] I was just… petting… the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can… and part of my hand went with it!

Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make.

Sarge

Donut, I told you not to touch anything! You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!

What's the rush of getting this thing fixed anyway?

Sarge

Listen, dirtbag. I know on blue team, you like to lollygag a beer-

There is no blue team. It's all a lie. Red and blue are the same.

Oh, don't start that crap again.

You sound like a conspiracy nut when you talk about that stuff. [sarcastically] The government put a chip in my brain!

[also sarcastically] The president can hear my thoughts!

[sarcastically, while also in great pain] We never landed on the sun!

[sarcastic gasp] They put fluoride in my water!

Actually, that one's true.

It is? No wonder I listen to so much pop music.

What took you guys so long to get here?

There's six of us, and this is only a three seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap.

(excitedly) It was a great road trip. My favourite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-

(sighing) Please, let's not tell the story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?

Have her do this for you, and then you guys owe her a favor. That's how these freelancers get stuff done, right?

That'll work. I'll help you, and then the two of you have to do something for me.

Okay, we'll do it.

Wait just a second. What would we have to do?

It all depends.

Depends on what.

On...what I need...to do some future job.

But, it could be anything.

That's right, anything.

.........Like gay stuff?

...I have no idea.

...Well, can we rule out the gay stuff?

Hey, how come I never get to help?

(on radio) Copy that Sarge.

Sarge

You and the two bullet magnets go up to the right side and cause some kind of distraction.

Any suggestions?

Sarge

As long as it draws attention away from us and towards you I-don't-care. (Donut walks behind Sarge)

(on radio) Try some dance moves-Oh-you could do a musical number!

Sarge

Get off the radio Donut!

And you found that in a hole?

Yeah, dude. I was just walking along, following Tex, not really paying attention you know. I fell in some hole. And uh, Tex didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's when I found this.

You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes it sound a little better.

Yeah but, you know, that's not really my style.

Man, I've never found something that cool in a hole. And I've explored just about every hole you can think of!

Hey dude, do me a favor and don't talk like that when I'm playing with my thing.

Target locked. [Fires main cannon]

Hey, what are you guys doing up here? [Several gunshots are aimed by Future Church to get Donut's head but he misses every time]

OH MY GOD! How the hell did I miss?!

That chick with black armor is back.

What chick? You mean the chick that stuck the gernade to my head? [Church misses again]

God damn it!

That's the one.

Oooh, oh I've been waiting for this. [Donut runs over to the edge of the base that faces Tex.] HEY BITCH, REMEMBER ME?! I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA! [Donut throws a sticky grenade at Tex. Everybody watches the grenade fly slowly threw the sky while Future Church tries to shoot it down but misses every shot.]

FUCK. THIS. HORSE. SHIT!

Man, that girl has a really good arm.

[The gernade land on her] Aw, crap.

Alright, that's it. I quit. I'm going to go live in a cave. [Church runs toward the caves. And Tex blows up.]

DIOS MIO NO!!

Well I can see why we don't have lots of meetings. The only person who doesn't know is Donut. He's not even here.

Sarge

That's because I asked Donut to distract the Blues so we could have this secret meeting!

And that's how I saved Christmas.

I did not even know the North Pole was in San Francisco. This changes everything!

Yeah and I don't think Santa's outfit is a leather biker's outfit.

You may be the dumbest person I've ever met.

And I think you're just covering your ass.

Hey, Sarge...

What?! I'm not covering my ass! You're the one covering yours!

No way.

Sarge

Stop arguing you two! Simmons isn't covering his ass and Grif certainly isn't covering his. No one's ass is being covered. Got it? Donut, what do you want?

Uh.... Is that a trick question?